Marriage: 14 years and going, I did it and so can you.

                Fourteen years ago today I got to say I do to the most wonderful woman in the world.  I keep telling here she's stuck with me for at least the next hundred or so, after that we'll talk about whether or not we got it right.  I love you dear and am looking for to the next...however many years we have (I don't see an end to this thing we got).  Happy anniversary.

                I was going to make this a long post on how wonderful my wife is, but, for some reason, I get the feeling it is going to go in a different direction.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and could fill pages with her praise, but I hope that any husband could do the same for his wife and, although she turns a lovely shade of red, my wife tends to get slightly upset with me when I embarrass her by publicly praising her.  I don’t understand it, but, then again, I am not her.  That being said, allow me to get to the meat and potatoes of this post.

                As I was reflecting on what to write for today one theme kept creeping into my head, how did we keep it going for this long and what makes me confident that it will continue?  Let me begin my answer by saying that God must be at the center of it all.  But that is just the start.  First off, you have to be committed.  This means that before the words “I do” pass from your mouth; you absolutely must take the word divorce off the table.  Humans are lazy and will always take the easiest path available.   If you make divorce an option, you will use it.  Marriage is hard work and can be very difficult.  Let’s face it, you put two people into a life together, there will be conflict.  Conflict is hard, especially when you care about the person you are in conflict with.  Divorce is easier than maintaining a marriage and when you make it an option, you eventually stop trying to maintain the marriage and start looking for the lawyer to protect your stuff.  So the first thing you need for a successful marriage is commitment.

                The second thing you need is humility.  What do I mean?  Simply this, you are not always right.  Let me say that again, you are not always right.  For a marriage to work, you have to put the other person first.  This means that the only argument you should have that is in any way unending should be over who gets to apologize for the last fight.  You will fight.  It is inevitable.  It is what we humans do.  What makes a marriage work is the ability to say, “I was wrong.”  The humility to let the idea that you are right go (regardless of whether you are or not) for the betterment of your relationship is the key.  We have an infinite ability to hurt each other and we use it all too often.  A strong marriage is one that recognizes these tendencies and jumps on them before they happen and is just as quick to apologize and admit the error.

                Since it appears that I am rambling, I will add one more ingredient and call it a day.  The final ingredient is love.  Why did it take so long to get to love?  Simply put, it is something that I shouldn’t have to mention.  It is, after all, the reason you got married in the first place.  But let’s dig into this.  Let’s first get rid of the idea that love is about that gut feeling you got in high school with your first girlfriend/boyfriend.  Love is an action, not an adjective or noun.  It is actively placing the person you love before yourself.  It is pursuing that persons goals, dreams, needs, and desires with your every fiber.  It means that you don’t hesitate when that person needs you, that it is second nature that you are second to him/her.  It means that no matter what, you are going to do what is right for him/her as quickly as you can regardless of what it does to you.  The idea that you would die for the one you love is not far off from this.  Love is self sacrifice at all times.  Love is actively searching for the best and aiding the worst.  Love is lifting the fallen and supporting the lifted.  Sometimes love requires that we let those we love suffer so they can grow.  Take your children, for example, you have to discipline them when they err so that they learn.  This hurts them, but it has to happen for their good.  We do it out of love.  Love is an action and it must be used actively.

                There you have it, my thoughts on what makes a successful marriage.  Love, Humility, Commitment, and above all else, God.  I am sure I could think of more, but I think I will leave it at that.

                Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

My America, How I love her.

          As this is the last post of the week due to the holiday, I felt that I should write on what this country means to me.  Although I believe that John Wayne did it better (look up his "America, Why I love her), I will try my best to put my feelings on her into words we can all agree with (or at least not get angry over).
         America, to me, is a country that means freedom.  This, by itself, is not enough to make her great or enamor me to her.  No, America draws me home for so many more reasons.  While its lands are vast and its sights awe inspiring, it is her way of life that keeps bringing me back.  Oh, we have our problems, but, then, who doesn't?  We pride ourselves in our freedoms.  Freedoms that few countries truly have.  Freedom to say what we will about our government and debate its merits or pitfalls openly and without fear.  Freedom to worship or not as we see fit.  Freedom to choose how we spend our lives.
          America has been called the land of opportunity, and rightly so.  This doesn't mean it is given to you and you are guaranteed success, only that you have the freedom to chase your dream as hard as you want.  If you decide it is to hard and you don't want to pursue it it is your choice, no one can, or is allowed to, make that decision for you.  Yet, you also have the freedom to go where you wish within this nation to chase your dreams.  So many come here, not because life is easier, but because it is freer.
          America is not perfect, no land where humans lives ever will be, but it is a place you can call home.  The American dream is to own our own chunk of land.  A parcel we can call our own and use as we will.  We are granted the ability to not just vote, but to write to and speak with those we vote for.  We are allowed to see our government in operation and the freedom to at least read what it does.  While we may not agree on what has been done or will be done, we have the freedom to debate it.
          Why do I love America?  She is the mother of freedom and the guiding light of democracy.  Though that light may dim at times and freedoms may falter, the light always returns to shine brighter and the freedoms return to stand stronger.  When endangered she rises up and stands together, her light shining brighter than the sun and bringing even those who are unhappy with her to her call.  She leads where others dare not tread and stands where others would fall.
            America is a nation of passion. We share what we are passionate about freely, without fear.  We are granted the ability to follow our beliefs where and how we will.  We are allowed to share those beliefs freely and invite others in.  Thank God for that freedom.
           In closing, I believe I can sum this up by simply saying that America is a land where we get to be who we choose to be, how we choose to be, when we choose to be, and where we choose to be.  It is all a matter of personal choice, a choice we are free to make.  God bless America.   Have a great Independence Day!
          Thanks for reading and, as always, thanks for reading.

Another answer: What does God mean to me.

           I am stuck again.  I really have no idea what to write today.  I started to write a few things but they degraded into useless rants filled with supposition and unfounded opinion, which is something I just can't support.  So I think for today, I will post another answer for my sons.  Yes, I know, I'm taking the easy way out.  But my head hurts and I can't think straight for some wierd reason.  Anyway, Here it is.

5-1          What does God mean to you?

God means, for lack of a better word, everything.  He is a comfort when I am hurt, a guiding light when I am lost, and a friend when I am alone.  He is a ready ear when news is good, a breath of life when all is said and done.  He is always ready to listen and willing to forgive even when we think we are beyond forgiveness.  He is hope in the deepest canyon, light in the darkest night, and strength when I am weakest.  He is the first one we should turn to when we have, well, anything.  We should thank him when things are good, ask for his help when things are not so good, and trust in his guidance.

Sure, some of this sounds as though I am just spouting what is taught in church and in various devotionals, but it doesn’t make it any less true.  Granted, I sometimes lose sight of this and who it is we stand for, but he always welcomes me back.  When he forgives me, he lets it go and chooses to ignore it.  He guides me when I need it, sometimes with a gentle nudge and other times with a not so gentle beat down, but never more than I need or can handle.  He allows me the freedom to choose what path I take, but still keeps me in his hands.  He cares for me and all I do and knows me better than I know myself.

God is the only one I love more than my wife.  He is first in all I do, and when he isn’t, due to my selfish (human) nature, he waits patiently for my return.  And I do return, I can’t help it, I am addicted to him.  He draws me in and feeds me with his presence.   There are times when I forget to fill myself on his presence and it is noticeable.  I become irritable and hard to be around.  I am selfish and want only what I want.  And it isn’t long before I ache for him to refill me. 

I am his and he is mine.  He gave me more than I could ever repay.  I could go on and on, but there are some things you just have to discover for yourself.  God’s awe inspiring presence is one of those things.

What does God mean to me?  Love, Forgiveness, Grace, Mercy, and Peace, above all, peace that’s what God means to me.

Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

An Apology, a solution, and a loving wife.

          After rereading yesterday's post, I realize that I owe a huge apology to my wife.  I allowed anger to cloud my judgement on what I posted and it was wrong.  The way I posted it makes it sound as though my wife is evil, coniving and self centered.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  The disagreement we had was based solely on mutual misunderstanding and was solved to both of our satisfaction.  We have since made up and have moved on (at least until my wife reads yesterdays post and I have to apologize all over again, which I will do when I get home).  I made a mistake and will deal with it when I get home.  It should also be noted here, that as of this post, my wife has not read yesterday's post and thus may not know of what was written.  Thus this apology is not prompted by arguements or otherwise.  I am sorry, dear, I will speak to you on this when I get home.
           I was going to add on to this post a seperate commentary on an unrelated matter, but realized it would muddy the waters and possibly dilute the first part.  So I will end today's post with this.  Men, just because you feel wronged (even if you weren't) is no erason to air it publicly.  In a loving relationship, who is right has no bearing on the outcome.  Solutions are the goal of every conversation (and argument) between you and your wife.  It doesn't matter who was right (and, by proxy, who was wrong) only that you solve your problems and move forward.  To dwell on the mistakes of others is to live with the results and mess of those mistakes rather than to correct them.  The longer you point fingers, the longer it takes to find a solution and move on.  I could keep spouting cliches, but you get the picture.  I didn't until last night.  Thank you to my lovely wife for pointing me in the right direction (again). 
             Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Prioritize your priorities

           Have you ever sat down and sorted out your priorities?  I mean really sat down and thought about it.  I have and it became clear to me that I had my higher priorities set (God, wife, and then kids), but had simply thrown the rest into a stack called other.  That led me to wonder how I showed those priorities and where the rest of them fit in.  Which was more important, my friends or my job?  What would I do if I had to choose between them?  It takes some soul searching to really put your finger on it.
           Will we really have to make a choice between them?  Probably not, but it is an exercise that helped me to figure out my priorities (friends ended up first in that battle).  The thing is, when you know your priorities and live by them, it puts things in a new perspective.  For instance, I decided long ago, that my family was more important than any job I could ever have.  This meant they had first dibs on my time.  I did what I had to at work, but I immediately went home when the day ended.  This meant that I got passed over for promotion as I was seen as not dedicated enough to spend every waking moment at work.  I did make a few other decisions that affected it, but no one wants to help someone advance who goes home as soon as the boss says, "you're on your time now."  My family came first.  Sure, I could give them a little more money paycheck to paycheck if I got advanced, but the reality, to me, is that my time with them is more important than a little extra cash.  How could I justify working an extra 20 hours a week for an extra night out in a restaurant a month?  That's what it came down to. 
              Whether you want to admit it or not, we all look at everything through the filters of our priorities.  If your priority is making money, you will look at every thing you do and place a monetary value to it.  If it doesn't add money to your pocket and it conflicts with something that does, you will choose the one that makes you money.  This is in contrast to someone who's priority is their family that is faced with the same decision where the non money making event is family time and the other is overtime at work, the family guy will choose family.  This doesn't mean the family guy never does overtime, he just prioritizes differently.  When the family guy works overtime, it is with a specific goal in mind that is usually family centric (a vacation, Christmas gifts, etc).
              If you understand your priorities and why you appreciate them so much, it will help you in your future decisions.  The downside is that you can talk yourself into a lot of things that are contrary to your priorities if you aren't careful.  For instance, you could talk yourself into spending a large sum of money on a new car on the premise that your family deserves it when in reality a used one would work fine, save you money and not stress your checkbook.  When you look at your priorities you have to look at them from all sides.  I know I have primarily written this on the money side, but that is just because it is the easiest side to see and use.  You also have to consider the emotional, spiritual, and moral side of things.  Which is more important, working overtime for an expensive vacation or spending that time with the family and then taking a less expensive vacation?  That isn't just a question of money, it is a question of connecting with your family.  One week a year is not enough time to fully connect with your family.  It is a year round thing, at least for me it is. 
          What is your priority?  Is making money more important than helping your child with a science fair project?  Is having a night out more important than holding your spouse when they are upset?  Is washing your car more important than playing a game with your children?  We live our priorities everyday and what you choose is an indicator of that.  Don't just say that it is your priority, live it.
         Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

What do I believe about the gay community and God.

            I understand that the following commentary will be controversial to many.  I also understand that if you only read the first paragraph or two it will probably anger, confuse, or insult you.  All ask is that if you start reading it, you finish it.  It was written as a whole and should be read as such.  To pick it apart based on a single paragraph is to do an injustice.  That being said, I stand by what I have written.
            There has been a recent resurgence of posts denouncing the Christian stance toward the gay community.  One of the more notable ones proclaims that we as Christians tend to decide who we will be Christians toward.  I find this reprehensible and, unfortunately true in many cases.  The problem isn't that we are hateful and mean, it's that we tend to confuse the sin with the person.  You see, we are directed to try to be like God.  To hate the things he hates and love what he loves.  God loves all people and wants all people to come to him.  God also hates all sin.  So how do we reconcile the difference between sin and people?  The simple answer is, we don't.  We have to leave that up to God.
           That doesn't mean that we have to accept sin.  The bible is very clear on how to react toward unrepentant sinners.  We are to love them and care for them, but at the same time, we are to direct them in his ways.  If they become hostile to us, we are to leave them be as they have hardened their hearts and have rejected God's love and forgiveness.
           That being said, where do we stand on the gay community?  With the above in place we have to separate ourselves from the gay community as they tend to revel in their sin.  Let's not kid ourselves, the bible clearly states that gay sex is a sin (read Romans 1:26-32).  This doesn't mean that we should spew hateful messages about God's wrath or not minister to them in hopes that they will come to God, it means that we should not do anything that would indicate we support their sin just as we should not protect someone who stole our car.  Both are sins and to condone either is a sin in and of itself. 
          If I were to offer one piece of advice it would be this, treat all people with love and respect at all times.  This includes those we see as living in sin.  This includes those who hate us.  This includes those that "rub us the wrong way."  It isn't easy and never will be.  We have to share our testimony and show them that Christians aren't hateful bigots.  We have be clear in how we treat others what it means to love the sinner but hate the sin. 
           Too many Christians forget this and see the sinner as the sin.  The bible is also clear on that.  When you decide the sin and the sinner are inseparable, you act as their judge.  Romans 2 states, "1 Therefore, anyone of you who judges is without excuse. For when you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.  2 We know that God's judgment on those who do such things is based on the truth.  3 Do you really think-anyone of you who judges those who do such things yet do the same-that you will escape God's judgment? "  The thing to remember is that, to God, all sin is the same, disobedience to him.  Reading the bible has taught me that, to God, lying and murder are both sins and deserve the same punishment, death and separation from God.  So if murder and lying receive the same punishment so do any other sin such as theft or homosexuality.  Degrees of sin is a human concept.  When you judge another on their sins, you place yourself above them as though you have no sin.  I don't know anyone who hasn't sinned.  Even my pastor admits that he has sinned.  The difference is, whether you confess it or not.
            I could continue on and on, but the reality is this, either you believe or you don't.  Either you accept what I have written or you don't and continuing on will add nothing else.  As always I welcome comments and debate as long as it is respectful and not hate filled.  If I offended you, I can't help that, I meant what I wrote.

Valentines Day: what's the big deal?

           Please note that the previous post was not meant to be serious in any way.  The writer of it was slightly off his rocker at the time and only just remembered what day you will be reading it on.  What follows is the actual intend post for said special day.

          Happy Valentines day!  Yes, that would be an exclamation point at the end of that.  Yes, I am, in fact, a guy.  No, I am not gay.  Valentines day is one of those days that is set aside for what telling those you love that you do, in fact, love them.  Why there needs to be a special day for that I'll never understand since I tend to do that every chance I get.  Apparently, there are people out there that need to be reminded at least once a year to be nice to their girl.  This post isn't for them.  No, this post is for those of us who use this day as an excuse to get out and treat our special someone to something special.  Something that would normally land us in the doghouse for spending to much on something "unnecessary".  Something we can only do because it is Valentines day.  Things like, taking her out to a fancy (aka expensive) restaurant.  Buying her jewelry.  Getting her flowers and mushy cards. 
           Oh, and don't forget the chocolate, never forget the chocolate.  That is what women love about valentines day (at least that I've observed).  It's the one day out of the year where a woman doesn't feel obligated to complain that her significant other is trying to make her fat by getting her chocolate.  Don't get me wrong, they'll eat it any other time of the year, they just have to accuse you of trying to make them fat while they are eating it.  Not valentines day, though.  Nope, they get to eat it, smile at you, and tell you how much they love you at the same time.  It's like a law or something. 
           The downside for us guys is that we are also obligated to do something mushy and decidedly unmanly.  We have to be romantic.  That's right ladies, you have one day a year (minimum, some guys are overachievers and should be shot) where we go all out and try to be romantic.  One day where we will watch a chick flick without to much complaining.  One day where we will and try to listen and figure things out.  As I mentioned there are some of us who are overachievers, but I don't like bragging. 
          Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Valentines Day is upon us.  I guess I can't help it.  I got to end this with a little love for my wife.  You saw it coming.  You know you did.  I love her and I don't care who knows.  I really don't have time or space to go into detail, but the list of reasons is long and tedious to the uninitiated.  After 16 Valentines days together (I am counting the ones before the wedding by the way), there really isn't much else to say.  Love you dear, always.
         Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.