Marriage: 14 years and going, I did it and so can you.

                Fourteen years ago today I got to say I do to the most wonderful woman in the world.  I keep telling here she's stuck with me for at least the next hundred or so, after that we'll talk about whether or not we got it right.  I love you dear and am looking for to the next...however many years we have (I don't see an end to this thing we got).  Happy anniversary.

                I was going to make this a long post on how wonderful my wife is, but, for some reason, I get the feeling it is going to go in a different direction.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and could fill pages with her praise, but I hope that any husband could do the same for his wife and, although she turns a lovely shade of red, my wife tends to get slightly upset with me when I embarrass her by publicly praising her.  I don’t understand it, but, then again, I am not her.  That being said, allow me to get to the meat and potatoes of this post.

                As I was reflecting on what to write for today one theme kept creeping into my head, how did we keep it going for this long and what makes me confident that it will continue?  Let me begin my answer by saying that God must be at the center of it all.  But that is just the start.  First off, you have to be committed.  This means that before the words “I do” pass from your mouth; you absolutely must take the word divorce off the table.  Humans are lazy and will always take the easiest path available.   If you make divorce an option, you will use it.  Marriage is hard work and can be very difficult.  Let’s face it, you put two people into a life together, there will be conflict.  Conflict is hard, especially when you care about the person you are in conflict with.  Divorce is easier than maintaining a marriage and when you make it an option, you eventually stop trying to maintain the marriage and start looking for the lawyer to protect your stuff.  So the first thing you need for a successful marriage is commitment.

                The second thing you need is humility.  What do I mean?  Simply this, you are not always right.  Let me say that again, you are not always right.  For a marriage to work, you have to put the other person first.  This means that the only argument you should have that is in any way unending should be over who gets to apologize for the last fight.  You will fight.  It is inevitable.  It is what we humans do.  What makes a marriage work is the ability to say, “I was wrong.”  The humility to let the idea that you are right go (regardless of whether you are or not) for the betterment of your relationship is the key.  We have an infinite ability to hurt each other and we use it all too often.  A strong marriage is one that recognizes these tendencies and jumps on them before they happen and is just as quick to apologize and admit the error.

                Since it appears that I am rambling, I will add one more ingredient and call it a day.  The final ingredient is love.  Why did it take so long to get to love?  Simply put, it is something that I shouldn’t have to mention.  It is, after all, the reason you got married in the first place.  But let’s dig into this.  Let’s first get rid of the idea that love is about that gut feeling you got in high school with your first girlfriend/boyfriend.  Love is an action, not an adjective or noun.  It is actively placing the person you love before yourself.  It is pursuing that persons goals, dreams, needs, and desires with your every fiber.  It means that you don’t hesitate when that person needs you, that it is second nature that you are second to him/her.  It means that no matter what, you are going to do what is right for him/her as quickly as you can regardless of what it does to you.  The idea that you would die for the one you love is not far off from this.  Love is self sacrifice at all times.  Love is actively searching for the best and aiding the worst.  Love is lifting the fallen and supporting the lifted.  Sometimes love requires that we let those we love suffer so they can grow.  Take your children, for example, you have to discipline them when they err so that they learn.  This hurts them, but it has to happen for their good.  We do it out of love.  Love is an action and it must be used actively.

                There you have it, my thoughts on what makes a successful marriage.  Love, Humility, Commitment, and above all else, God.  I am sure I could think of more, but I think I will leave it at that.

                Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Is college really necessary?

            Why do we push college on our kids?  I think this is a valid question.  First let me clarify why I ask it.  I recently came across a statistic that said that nearly 60% of college graduates were working in fields unrelated to their degree.  That made me wonder why they had to have a degree in the first place.  The more I looked into it, the more I began to realize that we have been scammed.
            I am not saying there aren't jobs that require a degree, a doctor or an architect are two that come to mind quickly.  I would hate to go into surgery and have my doctor show me his high school diploma and say, "let's get cuttin'."  It just isn't happening.  I also don't think I would want to walk into a high rise designed by a guy whose credentials include, "I lived in one once," and no degree.  But for a lot of the other jobs out there, you just have to wonder.  Then there is the trusting the university thing.  I find it increasingly difficult to trust a university that tells me that in order to get an engineering degree I need to take 4 hours of elective courses.  Let me point out that these are 4 credit hours of courses that in no way aid you in your field of study.  It should also be noted that most elective courses taken are 1 credit hour each and cost close to $500 these days.  In other words, the university wants you to add $2000 of useless credits to your degree for unspecified reasons.  What if your mechanic told you that you had to rechrome your wheels in order to complete your oil change?  I think we would all end up going to a different mechanic.  So why do we let a university do the same thing?  Because we want the name of the university on our diploma because it sounds impressive.
              Let me clear the air here.  I do not have a college degree, nor will I ever have one.  I spent 20 years in the military getting experience in my field.  If that means that someone beats me out of a job based solely on the basis of a degree, so be it. 
              We have been feeding the lie of college to our kids for so long; we have begun to believe it ourselves.  We send them off to college and tell them to follow their dreams.  They do that and get their degrees only to find that there is no job for those degrees in the field they love.  Why?  Because no one bothered to also tell them that a degree in photography is only worth something if your father happens to own a publishing company and you are at the top of your field.  Congratulations, you just spent $100k on a piece of paper to hang on your wall so you can look at it on your way to you minimum wage job.  Yet, having a degree is a must today.  We need to start teaching our high school students what the job market is really like.  Or what jobs require a specific degree and what jobs prefer experience.  Instead we tell them go to college.
               It used to be that a degree is what made a candidate stand out.  It used to be just getting into college was a big deal.  These days, if you have a pulse and an ability to fill out forms (most colleges will have someone help you with that), you can get into a college somewhere.  Here, fill out this form for financial aid, this form for grants, this form for you student loans, this form for waivers for your grades, and this form to choose your classes.  Congratulations, you are now going to college.  Sure there are a few colleges that are still selective in who they allow to attend, but they are in the minority.  Most colleges just look at filling all their classes to make sure that they can pay their bills. 
              Let me restate that I understand there are some fields that a degree is a must and I wholly support those degrees, but when a job lists "degree or experience" or just degree as a need without any clarifiers, it makes you wonder just what the degree is needed for.  I would think that if any degree is good enough because it shows dedication, that working for 2 years while involved in sports and graduating with decent grades from high school would be enough as well.  Then again, what do I know, I never went to college.
           Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Take a stand

       As I listen to the news, I am made aware of an interesting duality in our society.  As multiple riots rage throughout the Islamic world as a result of a video insulting the Islamic prophet Mohammed, the world jumps forward to point out that the is not representative of all Muslims.  I agree that this is not representative of all Muslims and that is not what this post is about.  What it is about is the idea that hundreds of riots large and small do not represent a majority, yet individual protests do.  That's right, I am talking about how a small group of "Christians" seem to be the accepted representation of all Christianity, yet if we apply the same standards of representation to other religions or sections of society we are bigoted at best, racist and intolerant at worst.
             Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating categorizing anyone based on a sample of any size.  I believe each person is an individual and is accountable only for his/her own actions as it pertains to the group they are a part of.  What I am saying is that, if we apply the standards equally, Westboro Baptist does not represent all Baptists, a few select Catholic priests do not represent all clergy, and a small group of rioters do not represent the entire Muslim world.
            I think a friend of mine put it best when he said, just because I stand for my beliefs, doesn't make me an idiot, fool, or intolerant.  In today's society, to take a stand is to be intolerant and to continually shift your morals and beliefs to adhere with the ever changing tides of society is considered progressive.  Another way to look at this is an analogy to ships.  A destination is reached by trimming sails, adjusting the rudder, and continually checking your course.  If you simply go where the wind takes you, you may very well find yourself somewhere you don't want to be, a hostile land at best or sunk by the rocks.  This is what today's society tells you is best, to go where the wind blows you. 
             I want you to notice one thing in the previous statement.  I mentioned three things in regard to reaching a destination, trimming the sails, adjusting the rudder, and checking your course.  All three of those things require effort, knowledge, and practice.  In other words, if you aren't willing to put the effort into where you want to be, you will never get there.  The weirdest thing is that everyone seems to ignore this.  One other thing that needs to be noted is the practice part.  If you don't continually practice navigating and trimming your sails, you tend to lose some of the skill you gained.  Think of it like reaching the top of any skilled profession, if you stop practicing, your skills will wane.  A professional pianist once admitted to an interviewer that he practiced more now that he had reached the top of his profession than at any other time in his career.  Why?  Because he wanted to stay at the top and he knew that the only way to do so, was continual work.  The same is true of any profession.
            So why are we so lazy about our lives?  Why are we willing to put so little effort into where our lives are headed?  Why do we continually decide to take the easiest route even though we know that it leads us nowhere at best?  I can't understand it and I find it unnerving that so many people are willing to go there.
           I am going to leave you with a challenge.  Look deep within yourself and find one thing that you think is worth standing for.  It could be a belief in the constitution, a moral stance on nudity, a belief in God, or simply the belief that your diet is the right one.  Just pick one thing.  Now, ask yourself if you are willing to stand for that one thing no matter what is thrown at you.  If all your friends and family take the opposite stance, are you going to waiver or continue to stand for your belief?  Are willing to maintain that regardless of societal change?  The final part of this is do you apply your morals and standards equally across the board?  Think about it.  To stand for nothing is to allow everything.  We all have to make a stand somewhere on something.  Whatever we allow will eventually come into our homes.  It may not be this generation, but someday it will come in.
                Thank you for reading and, as always, thanks for reading.

Paying for what we want.

           I came to a realization this weekend and it is so overwhelming that I felt I had to share it.  When the government is asked to give something to the people, it must raise taxes in order to pay for it.  To some of you, this is an obvious statement and you just said, "Well, duh," to me.  The rest of you need to take heed.  No one wants to pay taxes and we get our politicians to agree to cut our taxes.  We then turn around and start yelling that we want special programs to fix some problem, we want lawmen to protect us, teachers to teach us, soldiers to defend us, doctors to heal us, and roads to drive on.  These all cost us.  Yet, no one wants to pay for them.
          We have a deficit, not because our government can't do math, but because we the people refuse to.  We the people demand that our government give us all these things and while refusing to allow it to tax us.  The fact that our politicians are elected, leads to their desire to give us what we want so they can be re-elected.  This leads to a deficit as we demand bigger government oversight and lesser taxes.  You can't have both.  If we were to take the annual budget and ensure it was fully funded, everyone would have to pay their fair share.  For some reason, we the people have decided that those who were either born into money or made their own fortunes should pay for those of us who aren't as well off.  Tax the rich has become the mantra we live by.  We should be living by the standards of pay equally.  If every American paid his or her fair share we could kick this deficit, we just refuse to.
            I always felt that it was an obvious statement that you don't buy more than you can afford.  It always amazed me when the government continued to pay for things it couldn't afford.  Then I took a closer look.  I found out that we continued to expand to give more to programs people wanted and then gave them tax breaks because they wanted that as well.  And so we ended up where we are today, deep in a hole with only ourselves to blame.
          Allow me to make a confession; I am one of those that take advantage of our current tax system.  I have been receiving tax refunds for years and have actually been getting more back than I pay into it because of all the breaks and credits I receive.  I am at the low end of the middle class with four children and thus get a lot of deductions.  In other words, if we were suddenly made to pay our fair share, my tax bill would go up significantly.  I am still for paying our fair share.  We need these programs.  Our teachers, firefighters, policemen, and military need paid.  Our roads and infrastructure needs repaired, maintained, and built.  There are a ton of programs that we need to continue.  Sure, we could work to make them more efficient, and that should definitely be one of our goals, but we still need to pay for them.  We need to trim some of the excess, but we still have to pay for the necessary.
           We all have the same problem.  I call it the gimme syndrome.  We all want the government to ”gimme, gimme, gimme," just doesn’t want to pay for it.  You don't walk into a grocery store and expect to walk out without paying for your groceries, so why should we expect our government to give us all that it does without paying for it?  This is something we all need to remember as we move into this election season.  If a politician promises a ton of new programs, reduced taxes, and a reduced budget, you know he/she is lying.  It just isn't possible.  You can do 2 of the three but the other has to go a direction you probably don't want.  New programs and reduced taxes means an increased deficit; reduced deficit and new programs means increased taxes; and reduced taxes and reduced deficit means, not only no new programs, but a reduction in existing programs. 
             This is something every American needs to understand.  We can't end the cycle without understanding the truth of the matter.  We can't solve the problems by turning a blind eye and using wishful thinking.  We are supposed to be about equality, yet we continually strive to punish those who, using the rules established, have made their fortune.  In order for America to be truly equal and to have the same rights, we must stop the inequality in what we pay in taxes.  Be honest, what percentage of your income do you actually pay?  I don't mean adjusted or what the government says you pay, I mean the money that you get before anything is removed, what percentage of that, do you pay?  I am willing to bet that it is less than 10%.  Why should we throw a fit when a millionaire pays 15%?  Fair isn't fair when we use different standards.  That's my two cents.
               Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Why I hate Politics.

           The one thing I hate about elections is the never ending rhetoric.  The thing that is different this year than from 4 years ago is the profuse use of face book in the campaign.  This means I see a ton of posts attacking each party.  What it comes down to is the fact that there is no real positive message from any candidate.  I have heard a few statements on what they intend to do in office, but usually it is over run by negatives on either side.  It has become of a game of who is less evil instead of who is better and it makes me sad.
         The question is, if a law were passed that required a week of positive messages only during each campaign, would we hear anything from either candidate?  It seems that they have taken the old adage of "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything," and turned it around to say, "If you don't have anything good to say about someone, put it on air."  It is a sad state of affairs.  What really makes it suck is that it has become what people expect.  If we got a politician that was honest (yes, I know, honest politician is an oxymoron), I think people wouldn't vote for him on the grounds that he was too different.
       Speaking of honest politicians, growing up, I actually knew one.  He was our local state representative.  The story goes that he was first elected without campaigning because the people in his district knew him and felt he would do right by them.  He was a farmer and was one of the people.  Between sessions he actually returned to his farm and worked, politics was something he did as an extra duty and he claimed his profession as farmer.  You actually had to point out that he was a representative because he looked at it as a side gig.  The funny thing is, he never campaigned but he was re-elected year after year.  One year he even had an opponent.  The funny thing was the opponent got 5 votes, his, his wife’s, his campaign manager, his campaign manager’s wife, and the incumbent.  The sitting representative said he voted for his opponent because he didn't really want the job but would continue to do it as long as the people wanted him to and he was competent to do it.  He finally resigned at 82 or so and it was a loss.
       I used to say I was a republican and would never agree with a democrat.  I have sense come to realize that that mind set is exactly what is wrong in government.  The largest problem we have in our government is that we have become polarized with very few exceptions.  Either you are a republican or a democrat; if you claim to be independent you are labeled as indecisive.  What further complicates this is that if you have convictions and stand by them no matter what, you are a radical and a hatemonger; if you go with the current trends, you are pandering; and if you compromise you are a traitor to your party or an indecisive fool.  We have decided it is better to give negative labels to people rather than look at what their decisions are based on.  I would rather vote for a man that follows his convictions and votes against his party than for a man that follows the party line no matter what.  I would rather vote for a man that compromises to get things done over a man that refuses to listen to the opposing party because they are the opposing party.  We as a people have allowed this to happen and we as a people have directed it.  It is no coincidence that the very people we complain about hold the power to limit what we can do about it.  The saddest part is that the independents have very little influence.  They are such a minority that the only influence they have is when the parties are deadlocked and even that is rare.
            The one thing that makes this worse is that the politicians start looking at the next election almost as soon as they are elected.  Instead of looking at what this country needs, they are looking at what will make them look good for the next election.  The only regular exceptions are a second term president or a senator that has decided to retire.  It is a rare politician these days that repeatedly does what is best for the country over what his party wants. 
               Am I to critical of all this?  Maybe, but then again, if I weren't wouldn't I be like most of us who just take what the media gives us as truth and move on.  Sure, most of what the media says is true, but then a half truth is still true even if it isn't the whole story.  The media takes some flak, but most of it is directed at the "extreme" media.  Those sources that make no secret of their political leanings and jump on anything that helps their party affiliation are targeted most harshly allowing the more subtle sources to be taken at face value. 
               The most interesting part is that, with a little research, you can find the truth and it usually isn't what you are led to believe.  Both sides use statistics and numbers that, while true, only tell a part of the story at best or are downright misleading.  Take the "discretionary spending" argument used to cut the DOD budget.  In budget speak, discretionary means anything not specified by amount to be spent.  In other words, if the amount to be spent is estimated, it is discretionary.  Since caring for personnel (medical, logistical, pay, etc.) is estimated it is discretionary.  This means the department uses its discretion to ensure the people are paid and cared for properly.  So is it right to say that the DOD has a large discretionary budget?  Yes it is very true.  But then, by the budgetary definition of discretionary, teachers, policemen, firefighters, roads, electrical power, and the air traffic controllers are all discretionary as well. 
            The problem isn't what it means; it is how it is used.  The politicians use it knowing that most people will read it as the department has a choice on whether they spend it or not and thus can just cut it.  To most people, discretionary means that part of the budget spent on extras.  Discretionary means to them the excess after bills are paid, not the portion used to pay bills that are in flux.  If we used discretionary the way the government uses discretionary, our electrical, gas, water, grocery, and clothing would be a discretionary part of our budget.  I don't know about you, but I think I would be in a little bit of trouble if I just stopped using or paying for all of that. 
          I guess what I am saying is that we as Americans have to stop looking at the surface of what we are told by the media and politicians.  It is our responsibility to dig deeper and find the truth in what is being said and discover where it is we really fall on the issues.  What is said may be true, but that doesn't mean it is the truth of the matter.  A twisted truth may still be true, but it becomes a lie when it is interpreted wrongly.  Take the time to look into the truth.
        Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

The first day of school.

          The school year is starting again.  Today is the first day of school for my family here in western Washington.  While the kids debate whether to mourn the end of summer vacation or if school should be celebrated, mom is not so quietly dancing in the corner.  Those of you with school age children understand the sentiment.  As much as you love the pains in our rears, by month 2 of summer vacation you are ready for them to be out of your house.  You look forward to having the house free of that many mouths screaming for attention, reduced noise level that doesn't mean you should worry, and one less voice at 10 am asking, "what's for lunch?"
          I know my wife is jumping for joy.  She actually smiled when she asked me to remind her to set her alarm.  The kids, on the other hand, are indifferent.  They get to see their friends, but they are back in school.  I remember sarting off each school year with a bit of confusion as I had to learn all about new teachers and new classrooms.  Then the first day actually started and I had to jump into learning.  The funny thing is that is all I really remember about the first day of school.  I look forward to hearing how the day went with them when I get home.
          I am still a bit out of it so I think I will call this post done for now.  Thanks for reading and, as always have a great day.