Happy Hump Day: Bad Jokes are Good?

       It's Happy Hump Day.  In this installment, I tell some jokes that may not make you laugh and a story that might.  Here goes nothing (OK, hopefully not nothing, something, but nothing worth writing about, OK, obviously I think it's worth writing about, but.....oh never mind, just read on).
       Growing up in a Christian home meant that the language and topics were always clean.  This led to jokes that the rest of society usually found somewhat boring (explains a lot about my sense of humor).  My dad always had a well of jokes that sometimes hurt, literally.  They ranged from the head scratchers (What can go up a chimney down, but not down a chimney up?  An umbrella!) to down right childish (what has 4 wheels and flies?  A Garbage truck!).  Dad always got a chuckle out of them.  I think it was because he was watching our expressions.  At least that's why I laugh half the time.  Yes, I have taken to telling my dad's jokes to my coworkers and friends (they say I torture them by telling the jokes, but at least I get a laugh).  In fact, I was banned from telling jokes during one underway as the Engineer said the jokes were so bad that he felt his IQ dropping just from hearing them.  Sure they were dumb, but that was the point.
        Admit it, you have all told jokes that were really dumb.  Then you laughed afterwards.  Why?  Because you got to see the look of total disbelief and incomprehension cross the face(s) of the audience.  That look is almost always worth a laugh.  And laughter is infectious.  I found the best way to ensure a laugh is to give a genuine chuckle yourself.  It has to be genuine, people can tell.  If you fake a laugh, you just look silly and dumber than....for lack of a better comparison, my dad's bad jokes.  We still laughed at them, but looking back (and, yes telling them myself) they were (are) dumb.
        I also found that my dad liked telling his jokes with themes.  For instance, he might tell a series of jokes one day that were all about rabbits.  Yes, he had a dozen rabbit jokes.  Think of all the puns for hare and you can get a picture of what it might sound like.  I hear you groaning.  It was worse.  Themes let you trap the unwary listener....never mind, keep reading, nothing to worry about.  The only requirement for themes is that the jokes are loosely tied together in some way and there has to be at least three jokes for it to be a theme.  I usually used the bad joke theme, it was the easiest one to use. 
        Conveniently, I forgot a lot of dad's jokes, but then again, some of them were so bad they were good.  You know the ones.  The ones you hear and groan immediately after the punch line and then the groan becomes a deep laugh that you just can't stop.  Those of you that have had the pleasure (misfortune?) of hearing my (my dad's really) jokes, know what I am talking about. 
        Which makes me ask, why do people stick around and actually show interest in jokes when you tell them you have a bad joke?  Seriously, I say, "want to hear a bad joke?" and the usual response is, "not really, but go ahead."  Why?  If you don't want to hear it, say no and leave.  I'm not lying, it usually is bad.  Groan and feel dumb bad.  Better to bang your head against the wall bad.  And yet, you listen patiently and are amazed that I actually told a bad joke.  Even those of you that have been around me enough.  Why?  Guess they are as addictive (and sometimes as dangerous as) illicit drugs.  I know I can't wait to expand my cache of bad jokes.
        Thank you for reading.  Let me leave you with a bad joke.  Just kidding, I want to see your face when I tell it.  Have a great day.
         One last thing.  If you look over there ------> you see a link to my other blog Joe's Story time.  It is a serial story I am writing.  Enjoy.

Weekend update with a side of wow.

         I started my story site yesterday.  I hope those of you that found it enjoyed it.  I should be able to add to it today as I am the late guy.  I have an Idea of where it is going, just no idea how it is going to get there.  Hopefully, I can get there in an interesting manner.
         Since I didn't give a report on the weekend yesterday, let me get you caught up.  The weekend was an interesting one.  It started off with a party for my work at a nearby park.  The kids had a blast and we all managed to have a wonderful time.  We then went to a church rally to prepare for Sunday's serving day.  We called it "The Church Has Left the Building."  On Sunday, there were no actual services.  Instead a majority of the church (over 400 volunteers) went out into the community to serve.  The church did things like cleaning up yards in an older community, cleaning up a cemetery, a positive protest at the local base (we held signs that thanked the service members for their service and cheered for them), and we also had a free car wash.  I was at the car wash from 12:30 until around 4:30 and we washed 83 cars in just the afternoon (the morning crew only did 80).  It was amazing to see the looks on peoples faces when we told them it was completely free, no donations allowed (we strictly enforced that bit).  It was a great time.  Even the kids got into it.  There is something to be said for serving the community.
        And that was the weekend.  This week should be interesting.  We need to get ready for our final camping trip of the year.  We need to make sure the camper is packed and we have everything we need.   We have to do this around a busy schedule and we don't even have our meals planned so we know what food we need to take.  In all, it should be fun.  Not much else to say.  If you have a chance, keep an eye out for the link to my other blog "Joe's Story time" and take a gander.  I tried to make it one post per page so you can read the story in order.  As always, thanks for reading, and come again.

Manic Monday: Coffee, With clothes please.

        So I am going to try a full post today.  It is Manic Monday after all.  Today's subject is a local problem.  Up here in Washington state, we love our coffee.  With good reason, it is cloudy (I'd say rainy, but it really doesn't rain that much, just a lot of drizzle and no sun) and miserable for most of the year so we need our coffee to keep ourselves going.  To recognize this fact, all you have to do is pay attention to your morning drive and you will notice coffee stands all along the road, and most of them drive through.  I have around 12 drive through stands within the first 3 miles of my morning commute. 
         So it is no wonder that they have to find something to make themselves competitive with the other nearby stands.  Some are cheap and others are really good.  The ones I want to talk about are the ones that sprang up a couple years ago.  They started as bikini stands.  Stands where the girls wore bikinis to serve you.  Bikinis are worn everywhere so no one had a problem with these stands.  Then a second one opened and they started competing.  At first it was prices, then they started pushing boundaries.  Now, they have become a hot point.  Why?  The baristas are wearing practically nothing.  They wear the smallest panties they can and only stickers covering the nipple area as they serve coffee.  I understand that, in today's society, this may be an acceptable way of doing business.  While I don't agree with it, I understand they have a right to do business the way they want, but I won't give them my business. 
           No, my problem is that they are infringing on my rights as a parent.  How are they doing that you ask?  These stands are drive through and thus up against major roads.  The nature of the business requires that they have windows so they can serve their customers and peddle their wares, so to speak.  The problem is, they have very little in the way to block the view through the window from the road, and nothing to stop someone, no matter the age, from standing on the side of the road and getting an eyeful.  Thus, in order for me to keep from having to tell my boys why the lady is naked in that window, I either have to go miles out of my way, or find some way to distract them as we drive by. 
          Luckily, my boys are not old enough to drive yet so I don't have to worry about them going through the drive thru as there is nothing to stop anyone underage from frequenting the place.  You see, if these places stay the way they are, I will have to have the talk with my boys long before I am ready.  I will also have to worry about on more place that they can go that I don't approve.  While I wouldn't be upset if these places close, I understand that in today's society they have a right to exist.  All I want is for them to completely block the view from the road and control access.  Put someone at the entrance to check ID before they can see in and only allow those of age to drive through.  That's all I can reasonably ask for.
          I could cite instances of these places doing more than serving coffee and being busted for prostitution and other such things, but I also understand that not all of these stands do that.  I also understand that, while I don't like these places, there are those that do.  I also understand that the women work there of their own free will and choose to do so.  This isn't about me pushing my morals on them.  In fact, what is happening is they are pushing theirs on me.  They claim that it is their right to parade themselves that way and that my attitude offends them.  Apparently, I am not allowed to be offended as I am a Christian and have to turn the other cheek.  Apparently, if I tell you I am offended by something and offer a reasonable solution, I am pushing my morals on you and by not allowing you to expose yourself to my children, I am somehow oppressing you.  Sorry, I just don't see it.
         The reason I decided to write this is this.  Last week I saw an article where one of these places was busted for lewd conduct.  They had a stripper pole installed in it and they video taped one of the ladies (I use the term loosely) dancing on the pole from across the street.  If they can tape it from across the street, what is stopping a child from seeing in the window as his mother drives by?  That isn't what upset me the most though.  It was the comments that followed.  By and large, there was a large contingent that was upset that the police bothered to enforce the law and they actually defended these places by using the arguments I mentioned above.  No condemnation of the actions of the baristas, just outrage that the police would actually take the time to enforce the law on these places.  It is what it is.  Luckily, my area is taking action to define what is to be done.  Hearings are being held and we are trying to do something about it.  I can't make them put on clothes, but I hope we can make them block the view and control access.  Let those that want to frequent these places do so, and let those of us that don't, well, let us not see them. 
        Thank you for sticking it out and being patient with me.  May you have a wonderful day.

Week in review and other stuff

         It's time for the week in review.  Thumb hurt, short posts, fair, Family, and work.  There, done with that.  The thumb is doing much better.  I will be shifting to smaller bandages over the weekend and should be back to full posts on Monday.  I also am going to start another blog that will actually be a serial story.  I will write what I can when I can on it as it will be something else I use to fill the time and thus, not a priority.  This will be my primary blog and I will update it Monday through Friday.  The other blog is just a side project I have been kicking around for a while.  Thanks for your support as always.  Have a great weekend.

Short and not so sweet.

            The fair yesterday was great.  The kids lasted until about 9pm and we all had a great day.  The one wrench in the works is that we had a tire start to go down on the van.  It held up, and we were able to get it home.  I looked at it this morning and it looked the same as last night, so I think it has been low for a while.  We need to get it taken care of though.  I really don't have much to add, so I think today will be a very short (vice a short) post.  Thanks for reading.

Another Short one

          Today is free military day at the local county fair.  Should be interesting.  We are going to try to go and see how long we last.  We usually leave early as the kids get worn out.  Maybe this year we will get to see the bull riding.  I doubt it, but maybe.
          The thumb is feeling a little better, but the fact that it has a huge bandage on it means I can't use it and have to hold it in an uncomfortable position while I type.  I should be able to reduce the size of the bandage in a week or so and I will return to my normal posts then.  In the mean time, I apologize for the shortness and lack of content.  I really do feel bad that I am not posting more detailed posts (for lack of a better word).  Anyway, I thank those of you who haven't given up on me.  Thank you.  Have a great day.

Why me?

             Yesterday turned out worse than I thought.  I got off early to work out and on the way home I developed a horrible headache and got sick to my stomach.  I ended up spending the next 2 hours passed out on the couch and the evening barely moving.  I really need to start working out.  It just seems that every time I plan to get started something comes up. I will get it started.  I just need to get better right now.
             Anyway, my thumb is bugging me a bit.  It might be because of how I wrapped it, or it may just be part of the healing process.  Either way, I am still going to keep this short.  Thank you for sticking it out with me.  I hope to be back to full posts next week.  Have a great day.

Manic Monday: Postponed

          As with last week, due to my thumb injury, I am shortening my posts.  For this reason, I have decided to postpone my Manic Monday posts until I am healed.  The pain has lessened, but is still strong enough that I don't want to do any prolonged typing.
         I had a great weekend camping with my boys and the church group.  We did a couple of hikes and the boys did a lot of Nerf wars.  It was a blast.  There really isn't much left to say.  I am zoning out so I need to log off before I go to sleep.  Have a wonderful day.

Have a great weekend.

           So, my thumb is hurting less today, but my nose is stuffed up.  I just can't seem to get a break this week.  I have a camping trip with my boys this weekend and that should be fun.  Like I told my wife, if you want to know what this feels like, try not using your thumb on you dominant hand for a day.  Every time you put a little pressure on the tip, poke the spot with a handful of needles.  Every time you bump it, hit it with a hammer.  Do this all day and you get what it is like to live with my thumb.  Does serve as a useful reminder to not be stupid with sharp objects though.  This will also make setting up a tent interesting as well as the other things that go into a camping trip.  And that's the story of me today.  Glad I cleared that up.  Have a wonderful weekend.

Short and sweet

            To start off, my thumb is actually hurting less today.  It is still sore, so I will keep this short.  We got the power supply in our computer at home replaced and it is now working.  That's the good news.  I now have a cold that is getting worse.  It is horrid.  You win some, you lose some.  I am looking forward to a camping trip with  my boys this weekend.  I just hope everything goes well.  We will see.  Have some fun and enjoy.

Happy Hump Day isn't very happy. ( just sorta happy)

            Happy Hump Day isn't very happy.  The thumb is still sore.  Not as much as it was, but still sore.  So, because I hate to disappoint, I will regale you with a short anecdote from this weekend.  After I cut my thumb I was sitting in the ER waiting for them to figure out how they were going to treat me.  They had already removed the bandage I had applied and were looking at what to do next.  While they were waiting, (note that my thumb was still leaking slowly), they decided I needed a tetanus shot. 
             As the corpsman went to put the shot into my right arm (note that the thumb in question is the right thumb), I quipped, "aren't you afraid it's going to leak out the thumb?" 
             He stopped with the needle an inch from my arm and gave me a look that said, "did I just hear you right?"  I just gave him my best innocent smile and he burst out laughing.
            Unfortunately, that was the last of the laughter for a while, but at least I was able to keep my sense of humor (what there is of it anyway).
             Hopefully that will hold you off for a while.  Thank you for your support and prayers.  Have a wonderful day.

Thumb up-date and new requests.

          I can't help it.  I feel like I am abandoning all of you if I don't post daily.  My thumb still hurts so once again this will be short.  I thank all of you who are supporting me.  I will continue to to give updates as I can and will definitely return to full posts once I am past the pain phase of this.  Keep watching and keep thinking freely. 
        I have also decided to be productive during this time.  I can still click a mouse and hunt and peck in short durations, so give me a list of topics you would like to see me tackle and I will research them now and give you my take on them when I am all healed up.  I would love to have an interactive blog.  Thanks for your interest.

Shortened thumb = shortened posts

      This week I am skipping Manic Monday as well as a shortening my other posts.  As you may or may not know, on Saturday I managed to shorten my thumb by about an eighth of an inch using a mandolin slicer.  Thus it is rather uncomfortable and slow to type without it.  As soon as I get better at my typing without using the thumb (right now, I get sore form the weird angle I have to hold it), I will resume my normal posts.  For those of you who find this disappointing, I apologize and would undo the damage if I could.  Thank you for your support and good will.  Have a wonderful day.

What a lie really says.

     Things get interesting as the days go by.  Nothing particular, just a random act of philosophy.  Now that I got that out of my system, welcome to my Friday post.  I really don't have a lot to say today and hope that I can keep from boring you.  I am having a bit of trouble overcoming the urge to rant at various articles I read today.  I will not mention them, or I will end up going off.  Needless to say (note how I am going to say it anyway), I have seen comments enough on them and don't need to go on.
      Why is it that we preface statements with useless phrases?  Take the phrase, "needles to say," for example.  If it truly is a "needless to say" situation, why on earth are you saying it?  Obviously it either needed said or you are wasting time.  Yes, I know, I am ranting at myself, but who else am I to rant at?  Another phrase that gets me (yes, I've said it too) is, "you want the truth?"  Of course I do.  Why would I want you to lie to me?  Or how about, "You want to know what I think?"  You obviously aren't asking and you are going to share anyway.  What you really want to say is "Here is what I think."  If you ask, don't get angry or hurt when I answer, "no."  We find all kinds of things to rant about.  I know I do.
        Looking at what I just wrote, I got to thinking on the lying thing.  I thought about it from all sides and realized a lot of things about lying.  The first is that people who lie are doing so for a variety of reasons and they are saying many things about themselves and those they lie to.  Allow me to elaborate (there's another of those weird phrases). 
         The person who lies is either afraid of the person they are lying to, or they are afraid of the consequences of what they are lying about.  This is seen in a few ways.  If you made a mistake or did something wrong, you might be afraid of the consequences and thus lie to avoid facing them.  The person who administers the consequences may or may not scare you, but it is the consequences you fear.  If you are lying to "protect" someone, you are saying you are afraid of that person's reaction.  take the example of being asked if an item of clothing makes something look wrong.  If you lie, it is because you are afraid of the reaction of the person if you are truthful and tell them that, "yes, in fact, it does."  that reaction could be hurt, or it could be violent.  But you are saying that you are afraid of the persons reaction.
          Let's talk about what they are saying about the person they are lying to.  The first thing is, that you aren't smart enough to figure out the truth.  If you think the person you are lying to will know the truth, you usually won't lie.  Secondly, they are saying that they don't think you are mature enough to handle the truth.  Think about it.  If your spouse/friend/etc asks you a question about their appearance, do you lie to "keep from hurting them."  What you are saying is that, they can't handle what you really think.  Finally you are saying that you are the one that gets to decide what their reality is. 
          Let's now talk about how you can have people less afraid of telling you the truth.  First off, don't ask questions that you are afraid of the answer.  Most people can tell.  If you do ask one of those questions and get an answer you don't like (take the "how do I look," question for instance), thank the person with sincerity.  They are saying they respect your maturity and are trying to help.  If you show maturity in your responses and are willing to treat people with respect at all times, it shows and people are less likely to (note I didn't say won't) lie to you.  As always, if you make the consequences of errors or wrong doing disproportionate to the crime, you can expect lies.  Another way you can garner truth over lies, is to be truthful yourself.  Lead by example.  Prove what you say by being honest and truthful at all times.  It isn't easy.  In fact, lies tend to be the first thing that comes to our mind when we are facing tough situations.  Just remember, remembering the truth is easy because it actually happened and you never have to rehearse the truth.
          This came about after several hours of thinking on it in relation to nothing in particular (sometimes my mind works against me).  I can't think of what prompted it, I haven't told any lies recently (I am not saying I am perfect, I catch myself slipping every once in a while, I just can't remember any), and I can't think of any one particular instance where I was lied to that prompted this.  It all just sort of started coming to me.
         Well, that's it for today.  Be honest and think about what it is you say.  If you make the truth a daily part of your lives, you will find that it becomes harder to live a lie.

Nothing worth mentioning.

       Just bought myself a new power supply.  It is slightly larger in capacity than the old one so it should last longer.  I am glad we did the shopping yesterday so I could find out the cause.  Now I just have to wait for it to arrive.  Maybe it will get here before Wednesday. 
        Now for the fun stuff.  I have no plans for the near future which means that my wife is coming up with something I need to do.  I am sure it is necessary and I probably forgot it, but that doesn't change that I don't know what it is right now.  I guess I will find out soon enough.  As for what I posted yesterday.  Turns out I had an old laptop in my house and thus got my wife access to Face Book again.  Still no email (amazing how hard it is to remember your password when you never use it).  This also means she can now catch up on my posts.  I still haven't decided if that is a good thing or not.  Guess I will find out when I get home.
          I don't have a lot of other things to say right now.  Nothing is pressing and I got my rant out on Tuesday.  Enjoy yourself and I will right again tomorrow.

Happy Hump Day: I need me one of these.

      Well, it's Happy Hump Day and I am not happy.  Went to turn on the computer at home and it refused to work for me.  No power, nothing.  It was dead.  So now I get to look at power supplies for it.  Luckily they are pretty cheap.  I should be able to fix it myself, I just have to buy the darn thing.  I love going into stores and dropping dirty, dusty, non functioning items on their counter and saying, "I need me one of these."
       It seems to work rather well.  I have found that the nastier it is the better the reaction.  I once dropped an oil and grease covered, broken water pump on the counter at a new auto parts store (it was so new that the floors were still shiny) and the look on the face of the cashier was classic.  What made it even more enjoyable, was that she had no clue what it was.  Have you ever seen a young lady try and pick up a water pump from a 60s era Chevy with two fingers?  It wasn't until one of her coworkers came out, saw what we had, and sold us a rebuild kit (this guy was good), that she finally got it off the counter.  The puddle we left behind was pretty good sized too.  She didn't seem to appreciate it though.
        I wouldn't recommend doing this at some stores though.  Take a pet store for example.  I really doubt that they would appreciate you if you came in, threw your dead dog on the counter and said, "I need me another one of those."  You'd probably be arrested.  Grocery stores probably wouldn't appreciate it either (I'll leave how that would work up to your imagination). 
          I have found that "I need me one of those", tends to get you better service than, "I need that thingamajig that (insert function here)."  They may have a clue what could perform said function, but it could also be a range of things and inevitably, the first thing they suggest isn't it and is usually more expensive than what it really is.  This is especially true if the store has a no returns policy.  Add to that the fact that the real fix is probably buried deep in the bowels of whatever it is you are trying to fix and you may as well have an expert fix it.  I had a universal remote that was out of this world.  Touch screen, multiple commands, awesomeness that made most techies drool.  The touch screen got broke (who would have thought with a two year old and a couple of dogs in the house?)  So I decided to try and fix it.  The new touch screen cost as much as a new remote!  I guess sometimes you just can't win. 
             I remember walking into Lowe's one time knowing the name, size, use, description, and color of an item once (a spanner wrench, of all things).  I just couldn't find it.  Finally I found an employee and asked for the item by name.  I figured, they work at the place, they should know the name, right?  Wrong.  The look I got back would have made an idiot look intelligent.  I then described it.  Same look.  Ten minutes later, the guy finally led me over to a rack of tools and asked if it were one of those.  They weren't it.  As I spun around I finally saw what I was looking for.  I picked it up and he got this aha look on his face.  "Oh, you meant a pin face wrench," and he was proud that he could put a name to it.  I returned his previous looks to him and read the label.  It said "1-2 inch spanner wrench."  Just goes to show, just because you know what you're looking for, doesn't mean anyone else does.  Better to just stick with, "I need me one of these."
            The thing that really gets me is when you don't actually know what is wrong with said item.  You decide that , rather than have an expert (or someone who does it for a living anyway) look at it, that you can do it yourself and save a few bucks.  You go into said store and describe said problem to the person working the store.  You just made two mistakes.  First, you assumed that the person working the floor had any knowledge of the item you are trying to fix.  Secondly, you are assuming that anyone with a minimal mount of knowledge could understand your fuzzy (at best) description of the problem to diagnose the cause and give you the correct fix.  What makes it worse, is that if you have actually done this once, you will return to the same store when the suggested fix fails and try again.  Eventually, you will rebuild the item and get it to work and assume that the last part you installed was the cause.  Never mind that you just spent the amount a new and better one would have cost you in the first place, you fixed it.  That feeling lasts just as long as it takes for your wife to add up the receipts, by the way.  Give up and take it to the experts and say, "it doesn't work, I don't know how to fix it, please help."  You may find it humiliating, but believe me, it's better in the long run.
            The best part about today's post, my wife won't get to read it until I get the computer fixed.  This means that I don't have to tell her I am guessing until after I have fixed it.  I get to see what it feels like to seem like I know what I am doing.  You all have a wonderful day and remember, I need me one of these, is always a valid shopping plan.

Manic Monday: Slaving Away, a true definition.

      I had yesterday off to clean my house to get ready to put it on the market.  Good thing to as it took all day to finish everything.  In fact, my wife still has a few minor things left to do this morning.  The great thing is the house looks good.  We are now where we should be able to keep it clean with minimal input.  Now that you know why I didn't post yesterday, I will do yesterday's post today.
       So for this late installment of manic Monday, I have decided to tackle a topic that has been bothering me for a while.  It seems that every time someone mentions something the bible says we should do, a dozen people come out of the woodwork and mention a half dozen things that most Americans would find repulsive that are in the bible.  Most of them you can ignore as you find that not only are they being taken out of context but are blatantly wrong.  There are others though that need addressing and that is where we are today.  I can't address them all, so I will address the one that irks me the most, Slavery.  The first thing you need to understand is the image most people get when you mention slavery.  Most people get the image of an overloaded sailing ship packed with human beings, slaves being beaten, families separated, and all other kinds of horrendous treatment.  Thus when someone says the bible condones slavery, it immediately turns people off.  The fact is, that the slavery practiced in the 1800's, the slavery we most associate with the word, is completely contrary to biblical slavery.
         The first thing you need to understand is the rules associated with slavery that the bible lays out.  First off the bible forbids kidnapping for the purpose of procuring slaves.  Slaves were either bought, voluntary, or captured during time of war.  At the time, if you were unable to pay a debt, you became a slave to the person who held your debt.  If your country was conquered, you became a slave to your conquerors.  If you were bought, it was the purchasers responsibility to ensure the slave wasn't kidnapped.
          The next thing you need to understand is that slavery wasn't permanent.  The bible required that all slaves be freed every 50 years, no matter when you acquired them.  Slaves were then given the choice of remaining free and responsible for themselves or returning to their masters as slaves for life.  If you became a slave due to a debt, your master was required to give you a wage so you could eventually pay back your debt and be freed.
           Thirdly, treatment of slaves was not to be cruel.  Slaves had to be clothed properly.  In fact, how well your slaves were dressed was a direct reflection on how well you off you were.  If your slaves wore rags, you were obviously poor and to be pitied and probably would be a slave yourself soon.  You dressed your slaves as well as you could afford to.  Your slaves had to have proper housing of the same type you had.  If you lived in a stone house, your slaves had to have a stone house.  You had to feed them properly.  You weren't allowed to give them scraps, you had to feed them decently.  You were also forbidden from beating them without cause.  Not working as fast as you wanted them to is not considered cause.  Theft, refusal to work, and the like, things that would get you fired today, were cause. 
         Further, if you sold slaves, you couldn't break up families.  Until the children were old enough to be considered adults, they stayed with their parents.  Further, if the slaves were slaves due to debt, the children were freed upon adulthood as it was the parent's debt and not the children's
         Finally, you were required to give them wages for their work.  You could subtract the cost of keeping them from their wages, but you couldn't add onto their debt by charging them more than they made.  Further, if a slave were to save their wages and pay their master the equivalent of their worth, they were to be freed.
         With all this data, it sounds to me like biblical slavery and employment are awfully similar.  Most of what we make goes to paying for our housing, food and clothing.  What little we have left we can either save for retirement (freeing ourselves from our masters), or spend on frivolous things.  this sounds nothing like the slavery practiced in the 1800's.
          There were even different levels of slavery.  There were slaves, people who were bought or captured, servants, people who owed debts and were working them off, and bond servants, people who chose to be slaves as a way of life.  Why would you choose to be a slave you ask.  The simple answer is, it simplified your life.  You didn't have to worry about where you lived, or where your next meal was coming from.  In fact, you weren't reduced to begging for a living.  Further most masters went beyond what the bible required and treated their slaves well.  If you were a top performing slave, is was perfectly acceptable for the master to not only free your family upon his death, but to leave you a part of his estate.

         Next time someone tells you that the bible supports slavery, remind the speaker that by biblical definitions, we are all slaves, we just have a little more freedom to choose our master.  Those of us who have signed contracts (military, professional athletes, etc) have a little less freedom than others and would fall into the bond servant category.
           Well, that's my two cents for this week.  If you feel I overcharged, by all means make a withdrawal and give me yours.  Thank you.

Insanity is scheduled daily

      It's Friday!  One exclamation point is all you get this week.  I just can't seem to get much enthusiasm up this morning.  I am a little tired and not feeling that great.  I also realized just how much I have left to do at the house before Tuesday.  Speaking of, I have Monday off to work on my house so this will have to hold you until Tuesday.  Here is what I have left, I have to re-organize my kitchen, attic, and shed, Pack about 20 boxes up into the attic, mow the yard, take the trash to the dump, make a trip to goodwill and clean and scrub the house.  And here is the schedule I have to work around.  At 6 pm today, my wife is going out with friends, Tomorrow I will be at the races with my sons (we planned this months ago), Sunday, we have church and a going away party for a good friend, and Monday evening at 4:30, my boys have swim lessons and soccer practice.  Not a heck of a lot of time to finish the house.  The good news is we have a plan and we should be able to do it.  The bad news was already published above.  I am not looking forward to it. 
      I am really looking forward to tomorrow.  A day at the races should be awesome.  Hopefully, my boys and I can meet our favorite drivers and get their autographs.  There may not be a lot of people there as this is also Seafair weekend (hydroplane races) in Seattle.  We'll see.  Not much else to say.  Keep things going and have a wonderful weekend.

Recession or not? You decide.

          On the way to work this morning I was listening to the news and heard the commentator state that we were still deep in a recession.  I started to wonder exactly how this was.  The latest from wall street was that the Dow Jones was up to where it was before the crash (over 12,000 now, but around 11,000 before the crash).  Fuel and grocery prices are back to where they were.  It seems that the only thing that isn't where it was before this all started is home sales and prices (which were artificially inflated anyway) and unemployment.  First off, a recession indicates that the economy is shrinking and that we are falling back to lower levels.  At a minimum, it says we are at a level lower than what we were before.  This is just not the case.  Spending is up, production and consumption are where they were and the Dow Jones Index (the major indicator for the crash) is higher than it was).  Thus we are using incorrect indicators (unemployment and housing market) to declare a recession.
          Let's look at unemployment.  I know unemployment is normally an indicator, but in this case I don't think so.  The fact is, that when the recession hit, the employers started firing the dead weight to save their companies.  When the economy began its recovery, they realized they could operate with their current employees and thus did not rehire.  The US has, for a long time, had an excess of redundant employees.  We literally made up work for people to do.  Think of it this way, if you were to go to the Amish community and explain your job, could you make it sound convincingly necessary?  I don't think I could and I'm in the military.  I am not saying that we need to fire a lot more people, nor am I saying that everyone that was laid off deserved it.  What I am saying, is that we are no longer in a recession, the economy is growing again and has been for some time.  The unemployment numbers, I feel, are inflated because some people refuse to take less than what they had before the recession.  Now I am not saying that this is the case for everyone on unemployment, I am sure that somewhere there is someone who is truly trying to find any job and is having no luck for whatever reason.  In order for the unemployment numbers to go down, we need to create new jobs.  This means we need to increase our manufacturing and production.  The problem is that, for some inexplicable reason, we have convinced ourselves that we are still in a recession.  Production and consumption are back to where they were before the crash, thus we need to increase production to higher levels.  The problem we have is that we use unemployment numbers to prove that we are still in a recession and very few employers are willing to expand during a recession.  Further, banks are not willing to give business loans for expansion during a recession for obvious reasons.  Thus we need to declare the recession over.
        The one question I have to keep asking myself is, "who is saying that we are in a recession?"  Is it the republicans because they don't want to give the democrats the credit for getting us out of it, or are the democrats perpetuating it to prove just how badly the republicans screwed up before they took office?  Or maybe they both are perpetuating it because if we are scared that we may not have jobs, they can keep pushing things on us we normally wouldn't like because we are looking for ways to save ourselves?  I don't know and it really doesn't matter.  We can no longer reasonably sate that we are in a recession. not when we have more indicators for a growing economy than we do for one in a recession.  I will let you make your own conclusions, but as for me, I can't see how we are in a recession any more.  That's my two cents and that may be all it's worth (or less).  I look forward to any feed back, especially if you have anything that is contrary to what I have.  I am not saying my research was perfect (I didn't want to spend all morning looking things up), in fact I really do appreciate any other info you have.  Thank you for reading, have a great day.

Happy Hump Day: What Day is it?

     It's Happy Hump Day, something I was just made aware of a couple of minutes ago.  For some reason I thought it was Tuesday.  Apparently, yesterday went so well I thought it was a Monday.  This doesn't surprise me.  We have all had days sneak up on us.  Monday's are notorious for this.  You sit there enjoying your weekend and suddenly, it's 11:00pm Sunday night and Monday whispers in your ear, "Psst.  You have to get up tomorrow morning and deal with me."  Sometimes he doesn't remind you and you wake up to some jerk calling you at 7:00 in the morning on the weekend to inform you that it is not, in fact the weekend and you are late for work.  Monday can be a real jerk sometimes.
      Then there are the days that are really devious.  The sad thing is, they aren't even on the calender (unless you fork out the extra cash to for a personalized calender).  That's right, Birthdays and anniversaries.  I know everyone remembers their own birthday, but that isn't what I am talking about.  I'm talking about the birthdays of the important people in your life.  You know, the ones you have to live with.  Those are the most treacherous of days.  You'll be sitting around enjoying your day (your first hint should be that it is a Monday and you are enjoying it) and suddenly, you find that you are having the "you forgot something" conversation with your wife.  If you are like me, this is overly vague and can be highly confusing as I tend to forget a lot of things.  That doesn't matter, you are still required to guess exactly why it is that your wife is suddenly angry that you forgot something.  And when you do remember, it doesn't matter because she had to remind you.  Luckily, I arranged a permanent solution.  I married a woman whose birthday is the day after mine and got married two days before my birthday.  Thus, when I get close to my birthday, I know I have 2 other things to remember.  The downside?  I am now required to remember exactly how many years we've been married and I forget that.
        Then there are days that are treacherous in other ways.  You know, those days that are on the calender and are supposed to be fun and enjoyable, like Thanksgiving.  You go into them inviting friends and family, and then find that you spend the week leading up to it cleaning house and panicking on if you have enough to feed everyone.  The truth of the matter is, either no one shows up and you have to much, or everyone shows up and you don't have enough.  There is no in between.  You can plan all you want, put RSVP on the invitations (no one does), or ask in person, but either something comes up and they can't show, or they are suddenly free and everyone shows.  I try to plan for everyone shows, after all, who doesn't like Thanksgiving leftovers?  That isn't what makes the day treacherous.  It's the false idea that it is a fun and enjoyable day.  It starts off with the "when are we eating the turkey" conversation.  You know, the one where you try and figure out what time to start cooking the turkey.  Then you spend most of the day cooking the meal.  Your guests inevitably arrive either hours before the turkey is done and expect to eat within minutes of their arrival, or are 2 hours late and wonder why the turkey is cold.  Then you spend the afternoon with them as they yell at the TV while the game is on.  It isn't until after they leave that you realize that the house you just spent 3 days cleaning is now an official disaster area that will never be the same.  And that is when you realize that you have to put away the leftovers and inevitably, someone left the food they brought.  Christmas isn't much better, but that is a post for another time. 
           In other words, when dealing with the days of the week, watch your back, they will turn on you at the slightest provocation.  And don't think that Saturday and Sunday are excluded, they can be the worst.  You look forward to them all week only to discover they are filled with chores and prior plans (some you don't know until your wife politely reminds you that she informed you of them during last Sunday's nap).  I think I need to go, I feel Wednesday sneaking up on me.  Have a great week and enjoy yourself.

A little bit of nothing

        Things just keep getting more interesting.  Based on what is on our schedule for the upcoming week, we will have 4 nights to get our house presentable for selling.  You never realize just how much stuff you accumulate until you try and make your house look like the perfect house keeper lives there.  I never noticed just how much stuff I had stacked on top of our dressers and pretty much every flat surface in the house.  I didn't even mention the floors we have to clean or the walls that need attention.  I need to mow and edge the lawn.  Looks like I will still have a few things left to do.  I am dreading the rest of this week.
       My two oldest had their first swim lessons yesterday and did well.  I am looking forward to them learning more.  We are planning on going to Great Wolf Lodge sometime later when they are better swimmers and we have the money in hand.
      Anyway, I am running out of things to write about right now and still have to figure out tomorrow's post.  Have a great day and don't work to hard.

Manic Monday: National Debt = National Disaster

      To start off today's post, I would like to give a shout out to my brother in law, Joe.  Thanks for coming and spending time with us.  It was truly wonderful and we had a great time.  Next up, the news.  A week from Wednesday, our house goes on the market.  This means my wife and I will be busy cleaning house for the interim as we try to make it presentable.  This also means we need a ton of boxes.  Which means I need to find them.  It is what it is.  I am not looking forward to this.  So much work.
     Now for the part you've been waiting for (either with dread or hope, I am not sure which I find more frightening), Manic Monday.  Today's topic:  The Debt limit and the politics around it.  Let me start with a quote from a bumper sticker.  "Truth isn't always popular, but it is always Right."  How could it be any more simple than that.  Let's look at the current situation and find the truth in it.  Truth: 40% of every dollar the US government currently spends is borrowed.  Truth: You can't pay reduce a debt unless you spend less than you make.  Truth:  You can't reduce your income when you spend more than you currently make.   These should be obvious, yet for some reason, the people WE voted for don't understand this.  For fear of insulting their constituents they make it easier to get on government funded programs.  They add on other programs and increase the area of responsibility.  They haven't "created" new programs, just enlarged current ones. 
        Then they cut taxes (read income).  So they didn't really cut taxes, they just refuse to repeal previous tax cuts.  Do I want to pay more in taxes?  Not really, but the question should really be, will I pay higher taxes now for reduced taxes later.  The answer to that will be yes.
        The final nail in the coffin in this debate is the fact that, while they are talking cuts, they are meaningless if they don't remove earmarks and special interests.  The fact is that government needs to become more efficient.  We need to remove waste and have a directed approach.
       I have always said, don't complain about a problem unless you can present a solution along with it (I wasn't the originator of this, but I can't remember where I heard it).  That being said, here goes.  Please note that these are long term solutions and it may take a few years for the effects to be seen and the results to match.  The first thing that needs to be done is to increase revenue.  Until the debt is paid, we have to increase taxes.  This isn't a hope, or a want it is a must.  The simplest way to do this is to revert to remove deductions and credits.  No matter what you do, people will be angry, but it must be done.  We all need to pay.  I am not a tax lawyer so I don't know the exact sections to repeal, but I think the best way is to start at a flat 20% tax across the board.  We can reduce later when the debt is paid.  As for those whose income is such that paying 20% taxes would reduce them below the poverty level, they would be exempt (after all, if we put them into poverty, that would be that much more spending the government would have).  As for businesses, they are taxed for 20% of their profits.  Thus, they can avoid taxes by expanding the business thus creating jobs, thus reducing unemployment and increasing tax revenues.  Obviously, we have to define legitimate business expenditures (a company jet would not be one) so that buying a house for the CEO from business funds is not counted as a business expenditure and thus no taxes paid on that money.  Now that we have raised revenue by putting more people to work and actually taxing income, we can move on to reducing spending.
      The second part of this, spending reduction, now comes into play.  First off, we partially solved it by reducing the number of people on unemployment and welfare by increasing jobs.  Now we need to look at other areas.  First off, welfare.  I have never liked it, but I recognize that there is a legitimate need.  The biggest problem I have with welfare is the fact that it makes it easy for people to stay impoverished and becomes a way of life.  Welfare should be a stepping stone, not a living.  Start with drug testing of those on welfare.  If you fail a drug test, you are placed in government funded rehab (yes, I know, one more expenditure, but hear me out), this way when you are sober, you may find a better way to make a living and no longer need welfare.  If you fail a second drug test after you complete rehab, you lose welfare.  If you are on welfare and you have children, you will only get one welfare increase.  This is for the first child, after that, if you can't provide for them, the government will take them and place them into the foster care system until you can (having children as a means of increasing pay only compounds the problem, it doesn't gain anything).  Studies have shown that only a small percentage of people born into a poor family rise above the level at which they were raised.  In fact, from what I have found, most people raised on welfare end up on welfare themselves. 
          Another way to reduce spending (and maybe even raise revenue) is to put our criminals to work.  At one time, the US prison system actually made money after paying for itself.  Now we are paying around $30,000 per inmate to house them.  They are criminals, they had their day in court and were found guilty.  Make them earn their keep.  If we made them just tend the fields where their vegetables came from, they would save the tax payer thousands. 
           Another place we could save money from is by giving incentives to various agencies to become more efficient.  Instead of saying that if they don't use all their funding this year they won't get it next year, tell them that funding won't decrease and that it will increase by a percentage of what was saved.  The current system merely punishes underspending.  Overspend and you get berated, but you get your extra funding (it wouldn't be right not to pay your people).  Underspend and you get you funding cut.  This is fundamentally wrong.  We should reward people for doing good things with our money.
           Will we see results from all of the above this year?  Not even close, I would estimate that it would take a decade for the debt to finally be paid if all the above was done (and I am no expert), but it is a start.  The biggest problem with all of this is that, for some inexplicable reason, once the politicians get to Washington, DC, everything they ever learned finances goes right out the window.  If any house in America operated like the US government, they would be bankrupt at the least.  I can't imagine a bank saying OK if someone were to try and borrow more if they already were spending more than they made and had to borrow to pay their bills.  It just doesn't happen.  In reality, we have to live within our means.  Raise taxes, reduce spending and pay our debts now.  Then we can reduce our taxes later and decide if we really need to increase spending at that time.  That's just my opinion, maybe you have a better solution.  No matter how you look at it, something needs done.  Thank you and have a wonderful day.