Marriage: 14 years and going, I did it and so can you.

                Fourteen years ago today I got to say I do to the most wonderful woman in the world.  I keep telling here she's stuck with me for at least the next hundred or so, after that we'll talk about whether or not we got it right.  I love you dear and am looking for to the next...however many years we have (I don't see an end to this thing we got).  Happy anniversary.

                I was going to make this a long post on how wonderful my wife is, but, for some reason, I get the feeling it is going to go in a different direction.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and could fill pages with her praise, but I hope that any husband could do the same for his wife and, although she turns a lovely shade of red, my wife tends to get slightly upset with me when I embarrass her by publicly praising her.  I don’t understand it, but, then again, I am not her.  That being said, allow me to get to the meat and potatoes of this post.

                As I was reflecting on what to write for today one theme kept creeping into my head, how did we keep it going for this long and what makes me confident that it will continue?  Let me begin my answer by saying that God must be at the center of it all.  But that is just the start.  First off, you have to be committed.  This means that before the words “I do” pass from your mouth; you absolutely must take the word divorce off the table.  Humans are lazy and will always take the easiest path available.   If you make divorce an option, you will use it.  Marriage is hard work and can be very difficult.  Let’s face it, you put two people into a life together, there will be conflict.  Conflict is hard, especially when you care about the person you are in conflict with.  Divorce is easier than maintaining a marriage and when you make it an option, you eventually stop trying to maintain the marriage and start looking for the lawyer to protect your stuff.  So the first thing you need for a successful marriage is commitment.

                The second thing you need is humility.  What do I mean?  Simply this, you are not always right.  Let me say that again, you are not always right.  For a marriage to work, you have to put the other person first.  This means that the only argument you should have that is in any way unending should be over who gets to apologize for the last fight.  You will fight.  It is inevitable.  It is what we humans do.  What makes a marriage work is the ability to say, “I was wrong.”  The humility to let the idea that you are right go (regardless of whether you are or not) for the betterment of your relationship is the key.  We have an infinite ability to hurt each other and we use it all too often.  A strong marriage is one that recognizes these tendencies and jumps on them before they happen and is just as quick to apologize and admit the error.

                Since it appears that I am rambling, I will add one more ingredient and call it a day.  The final ingredient is love.  Why did it take so long to get to love?  Simply put, it is something that I shouldn’t have to mention.  It is, after all, the reason you got married in the first place.  But let’s dig into this.  Let’s first get rid of the idea that love is about that gut feeling you got in high school with your first girlfriend/boyfriend.  Love is an action, not an adjective or noun.  It is actively placing the person you love before yourself.  It is pursuing that persons goals, dreams, needs, and desires with your every fiber.  It means that you don’t hesitate when that person needs you, that it is second nature that you are second to him/her.  It means that no matter what, you are going to do what is right for him/her as quickly as you can regardless of what it does to you.  The idea that you would die for the one you love is not far off from this.  Love is self sacrifice at all times.  Love is actively searching for the best and aiding the worst.  Love is lifting the fallen and supporting the lifted.  Sometimes love requires that we let those we love suffer so they can grow.  Take your children, for example, you have to discipline them when they err so that they learn.  This hurts them, but it has to happen for their good.  We do it out of love.  Love is an action and it must be used actively.

                There you have it, my thoughts on what makes a successful marriage.  Love, Humility, Commitment, and above all else, God.  I am sure I could think of more, but I think I will leave it at that.

                Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Paying for what we want.

           I came to a realization this weekend and it is so overwhelming that I felt I had to share it.  When the government is asked to give something to the people, it must raise taxes in order to pay for it.  To some of you, this is an obvious statement and you just said, "Well, duh," to me.  The rest of you need to take heed.  No one wants to pay taxes and we get our politicians to agree to cut our taxes.  We then turn around and start yelling that we want special programs to fix some problem, we want lawmen to protect us, teachers to teach us, soldiers to defend us, doctors to heal us, and roads to drive on.  These all cost us.  Yet, no one wants to pay for them.
          We have a deficit, not because our government can't do math, but because we the people refuse to.  We the people demand that our government give us all these things and while refusing to allow it to tax us.  The fact that our politicians are elected, leads to their desire to give us what we want so they can be re-elected.  This leads to a deficit as we demand bigger government oversight and lesser taxes.  You can't have both.  If we were to take the annual budget and ensure it was fully funded, everyone would have to pay their fair share.  For some reason, we the people have decided that those who were either born into money or made their own fortunes should pay for those of us who aren't as well off.  Tax the rich has become the mantra we live by.  We should be living by the standards of pay equally.  If every American paid his or her fair share we could kick this deficit, we just refuse to.
            I always felt that it was an obvious statement that you don't buy more than you can afford.  It always amazed me when the government continued to pay for things it couldn't afford.  Then I took a closer look.  I found out that we continued to expand to give more to programs people wanted and then gave them tax breaks because they wanted that as well.  And so we ended up where we are today, deep in a hole with only ourselves to blame.
          Allow me to make a confession; I am one of those that take advantage of our current tax system.  I have been receiving tax refunds for years and have actually been getting more back than I pay into it because of all the breaks and credits I receive.  I am at the low end of the middle class with four children and thus get a lot of deductions.  In other words, if we were suddenly made to pay our fair share, my tax bill would go up significantly.  I am still for paying our fair share.  We need these programs.  Our teachers, firefighters, policemen, and military need paid.  Our roads and infrastructure needs repaired, maintained, and built.  There are a ton of programs that we need to continue.  Sure, we could work to make them more efficient, and that should definitely be one of our goals, but we still need to pay for them.  We need to trim some of the excess, but we still have to pay for the necessary.
           We all have the same problem.  I call it the gimme syndrome.  We all want the government to ”gimme, gimme, gimme," just doesn’t want to pay for it.  You don't walk into a grocery store and expect to walk out without paying for your groceries, so why should we expect our government to give us all that it does without paying for it?  This is something we all need to remember as we move into this election season.  If a politician promises a ton of new programs, reduced taxes, and a reduced budget, you know he/she is lying.  It just isn't possible.  You can do 2 of the three but the other has to go a direction you probably don't want.  New programs and reduced taxes means an increased deficit; reduced deficit and new programs means increased taxes; and reduced taxes and reduced deficit means, not only no new programs, but a reduction in existing programs. 
             This is something every American needs to understand.  We can't end the cycle without understanding the truth of the matter.  We can't solve the problems by turning a blind eye and using wishful thinking.  We are supposed to be about equality, yet we continually strive to punish those who, using the rules established, have made their fortune.  In order for America to be truly equal and to have the same rights, we must stop the inequality in what we pay in taxes.  Be honest, what percentage of your income do you actually pay?  I don't mean adjusted or what the government says you pay, I mean the money that you get before anything is removed, what percentage of that, do you pay?  I am willing to bet that it is less than 10%.  Why should we throw a fit when a millionaire pays 15%?  Fair isn't fair when we use different standards.  That's my two cents.
               Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Defining success in a round about way.

                  I know I eluded to a well written article that would incorporate facts and figures and be neat and concise.  I know that is what I promised.  This obviously isn't it.  I am still gathering data and looking into the post I eluded to, but it may take longer than expected.  It isn't that there isn't a wealth of data, in fact, quite the opposite, there is almost to much.  But that is not the point of this post.
                  As I sat here doing research and surfing the internet (more of the latter than the former I am embarrassed to admit), my mind started wandering as it tends to do and I got to thinking about human successes and how they are achieved.  I realized that worthwhile successes either come about through sheer luck (miracles if you lean that way) or hard work and perseverance.  We have no control over the sheer luck aspect and, let's face it, if you are waiting for sheer luck to bring you success, then you will be waiting a while.  In fact, I would wager that, usually, when sheer luck strikes, the success has been worked toward and was accomplished through the sheer luck.  What do I mean?  Simply put, while experimenting (the hard work) an inventor discovers something unrelated to what he was working on (the success).
                   So what am I getting at, you ask.  Simply this, in order to succeed, you have to go against your human nature.  Human nature is to find the easy way out.  Human nature says, I want the reward, but don't make me ask for it.  You have to go outside of what it is you want to do and go further.  Think on it.  Was there anything that you wanted, worked for and got?  Wasn't that thing more cherished and celebrated than the thing you were given for free? 
                  I admit, I am lazy and really don't want to go outside of myself.  I don't like doing extra work and tend to wait until the last minute to do many things.  The fact is, that my biggest achievements and the things I remember the most, are those things that I went after and clung to tenaciously to achieve.  Those things that I was able to concentrate on and do to the best of my ability and hold up as what I could do.  It was those successes that I like to look on.  The stuff I got lucky with, I really don't remember (that may also be because I don't get lucky to often).
                 Ask yourself this, am I waiting on luck, or chasing success?  The first does nothing, the second gets you there.  The funny thing is, when you chase success, you may not end up where you thought you were headed.  The great thing about that is that the new place may be better than where you thought you wanted to go. 
                    I am not talking about monetary success alone.  Whatever it is you want success at requires effort.  If you want a long and successful marriage, you have to work at it.  You can't just sit back and let it happen, you'll end up with a roommate instead of a spouse.  If you want your kids to grow up right and happy, you have to work at it.  You have to discipline them, teach them, and spend time with them.  If you sit on the couch and ignore them, they become the kids you complain about at the store.  You get the picture.  If you are living life under the assumption that you deserve something because of who you are for no effort, then you need to reevaluate your life.  People who believe that have a name, spoiled brats.  If you define yourself by the success of others (Do you know who my daddy is?;  I work for ___), then you are a nobody.
                    I may have ranted and gone off the dep end a bit here, but there is a worthwhile point.  Your successes define you.  I hope that people can recognize me as a good husband and father and that that is how they define me.  I don't want who I am to be defined as a good sailor or a good inspector and nothing else.  Don't get me wrong, I would appreciate those definitions, but the definition I strive for is great husband and father.  How are you defined?  How do you want to be defined?  Do they match?  If not, why not?  What can you do to make it happen?
                   That's all for today.  Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Another answer

            I didn't post yesterday because I got sent to the other office at the last minute to fill in for coworkers who had appointments.  That being said, I really don't have a topic for today so I will include another answer for my sons.  Here it is.

1-1          What’s the most important lesson you learned from your dad?

To begin with, I learned a lot from my dad and not all of it was appreciated at the time.  Some of the things I learned from my dad didn’t sink in until years after I left home and I realized where that particular bit of wisdom came from.  The one that I deem the most important was one of these.  Dad didn’t come right out and say you ought to do this or not do that.  No, it was a lesson taught through living and by example.  I don’t even know if dad realized he was teaching me a lesson, I believe he just lived that way.  The lesson I am talking about?  Treat others with respect and kindness at all times.  Sounds simple enough until those others step on you and hurt you.  I can’t remember dad ever getting angry and yelling at anyone.  He always treated everyone he met with respect and honesty.  Even when they weren’t around he treated them right.  Sure, there were times when he may have said something negative, but it was always in a respectful manner, more of an observance than gossip or meanness.   As I said, it wasn’t so much a lesson taught as a lesson observed.  I hope it is a lesson I can pass on to you. 

I couldn’t leave this at one lesson.  There is a second lesson that comes on the heels of the first.  It is to work hard at whatever it is that you do.  This was a lesson I definitely didn’t appreciate growing up.  Usually, it was because it was one I learned through doing.  This is a lesson that is best taught through action.  I learned it through chores and work on our four acres.  There was always something that needed to be done.  Usually it was enough to keep us kids working all week during the summer and all day Saturday during the school year.  Looking back, I thank God that dad made us do that work and do it right.  He gave us the understanding that spending a little extra time to do it right the first time is better than doing it right the second or third time.  I hope that it is something I can teach you as well.  The ability to do a job right the first time and to see it through to the finish is important.  It is what sets you apart from your peers and allows you to find success in whatever you do.

             As I look back I realize that lessons that struck home the strongest were the ones taught through actions.  Those taught to me by word of mouth have tended to fade while those that my dad lived have endured.  I hope that I can live those lessons for you and that you can live them for your sons and daughters.
            Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

My biggest mistake.

              What a great weekend.  We have a new septic tank, we are now just waiting on the drain field.  That should finish up this afternoon and then we have to reseed the yard.  Saturday, we got to spend some family time on a much needed family outing on a bike ride.  Then we got to spend Sunday afternoon with friends playing games and sharing our lives.  What a great week end.  Of course Monday follows that, but that can't be helped.
              I can't help but feel rejuvenated after all that.  Even though I was spent after the bike ride, I felt great.  There was a smile on the entire family's faces even though you could see they were tired (at least the adults, the kids wanted to go again).  We thoroughly enjoyed it.
             I love being able to spend time with my sons and time near them is time well spent.  That being said, I think that for the rest of today's post I will share another excerpt from my answers for my sons.  This one is particularly close to home.

10-3 What’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made?  What can I learn from it?

I think of so many mistakes I’ve made when I am asked this question that it is almost impossible to answer.  I will give it my best though.  First, allow me to clarify something.  To me, a mistake is an error in judgment or a decision made based on faulty information.  It is not an intentional action nor is it something you plan.  While it would be wrong to rob a bank and a horrible decision, it is not a mistake, it is a choice. 

So, looking at it from that point of view, I believe my biggest mistake was my choice of friends growing up.  You see, I had some of the information and, while it was my choice to be their friend, I erred in my judgment as far as what my will power was.  My friends growing up were diverse and I had two sets.  The first set is not the mistake.  They were my friends from church.  They were Christians and as far as I can tell, they lived it.  No, my mistake was the second set.  They were my friends from school and around home.  They were the ones I chose to hang out with the most.  There is that word again, chose.  My mistake wasn’t choosing to hang out with them, or even to be their friend, no, my mistake was to believe that I was strong enough by myself to resist their ungodly influence.  You see, not one of my friends from school were Christians.  They didn’t even pretend to be good.  Still, I thought I could be strong enough to resist the temptation on my own.  Boy was I wrong.

By the time I had graduated from high school, you couldn’t tell a difference between the way I acted and how my friends from school acted.  I allowed myself to be led astray and to go down a path I still regret to this day.  Because of that mistake, I walked in sin for nearly 20 years.  I told coarse jokes, made fun of others, thought only of me and my pleasure.  I refused to acknowledge God and what he wanted of me.  In my selfishness, I blamed others for my failures and felt cheated when I didn’t get my way.  I tried to live by the rules I had learned in church growing up, at least when I wanted to convince others I was good.  I pretended to be a Christian when I was home to make my father happy, but I was no longer following Christ.  It all came back to the mistake of thinking I could do it on my own, to thinking that I could be friends with ungodly people the way they wanted to be friends, without falling into their lifestyle.  While it was a bad decision to be their friend and to continue in that relationship, it was a decision, not a mistake.  We need to be clear on that.  Bad decisions are not mistakes, they are bad decisions.

What can you learn from all this?  Simply put, trust in God.  Can you have non Christian friends?  Certainly, and you should.  You must, however, be on guard at all times and realize that without God and Christian friends, it is all too easy to fall away from God and into the ungodly lifestyle of your non Christian friends.   You must also be wary of the relationship with them.  A non Christian friend should never be your first source of advice concerning, well, anything.  This is because their advice, while it may sound good, is based on worldly teachings and not on what God says.  Sure, some of their advice may even be exactly what God says, but if you rely on their advice, you will find that God has no part in your life and you will regret it.  I know I do.  You must also never let their opinion of you be a reason to do something.  God’s opinion is all that matters and an ungodly friend does not know or even hear God’s opinion.

This may seem to be a bit harsh.  It may even sound like I am against having ungodly friends.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  Even God encourages you to have friends among non Christians.  Read Luke 5:29-32: “29 Then Levi gave Him a great feast in his own house. And there were a great number of tax collectors and others who sat down with them. ³⁰ And their scribes and the Pharisees complained against His disciples, saying, ‘Why do You eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?’
³¹ Jesus answered and said to them, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. ³² I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.’”

Jesus sat with the worst of the society with reason.  The key is to remain rooted in your belief and to not allow them to sway you.  You should also note that, while he sat with them, he did not count them as close friends, that privilege was reserved for his disciples, those who had already committed their lives to him.

In closing, the biggest mistake I ever made was not trusting God over my friends on earth.  Don’t let this happen to you.  Keep your eyes on him and you won’t go wrong.

           Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Secret Service Scandal: What else would you expect?

             For those of you isolated from the real world, there is a scandal going on with the secret service.  It involves legal activities in a foreign country.  Apparently, in their off time, a group of secret service members hired prostitutes and took them back to their room.  In the country they were in it is legal.  What brought this to the attention of the US is one of the girls brought a complaint against one of the Secret service members.  It then came out, that in another country a year earlier, another detail had gone to a strip club, got drunk and took strippers back to their hotel room.  Once again, nothing illegal happened.  The women were willing and the detail was off duty.
             Why am I mentioning all this?  Let me begin by saying I don't condone any of it.  The crux of this is that, we live in a society that hinges on the belief that it is your life, do what you want as long as it is legal.  Yet, when sex is involved, that same society, is decidedly fickle.  The real tragedy is that society doesn't even recognize it as hypocritical.  When you push for sexual freedom, freedom to do as you will in private (as long as it isn't rape and is legal), and freedom from responsibility for your sexual actions, it should come as no surprise when people exercise those rights.  How dare you castigate those who stand for sexual morality while crucifying those who practice sexual freedom.  This is the same as saying build roads where ever they are needed, but not here.  It's the same as saying treat animals as equals then euthanizing hundreds of stray pets because you don't have room to keep them.
              The men involved in this did nothing illegal.  One man had a complaint brought against him and we aren't even sure if it was legitimate or not.  Another group did absolutely nothing illegal, in fact, it was only brought to light because a reporter dug into it.  So either this is about the immorality, or something else, but for a society that embraces sexual freedom to investigate, punish, and revile those who practice it, is hypocritical in the extreme.
               Once again, I must iterate that this is not something I will ever condone.  I find it immoral and disgusting (apparently the sexually free society does as well, but they won't admit it) and think they are reaping what they sow.  This post isn't about defending them, it is about pointing out the hypocrisy society is displaying in pursuing them.
               This is the part where I preemptively answer a few possible comments.  The first being someone randomly pointing out various hypocrisies in various religions.  To that, I say, "that isn't me."  The second is someone randomly quoting scripture or saying something along the lines of who am I to judge.  To that, I say, "If I were to judge, I would have to pass sentence.  I am pointing out truth and hope that it may bring change to what is right.  It is not my place to judge, merely to point out the truth and allow it to be heard."  The third is someone who mentions that I am not perfect and who am I to speak.  To that, I say, "You are right, I am not perfect, never have been, never will be.  I have committed many sins of which I am not proud and have had them forgiven by my lord and saviour Jesus Christ.  I speak from experience and that gives me the insight to see it.  I will, most likely, sin again and he will forgive me again.  Once again, I point these things out merely to point out the irony and hypocrisy of it all." 
                 The final type of response is one which brings new information to the table or tries to brush this off.  To that, I add the following:  What we don't know is whether or not the resulting punishment to the secret service agents is due to an internal policy forbidding such activities while off duty in foreign countries or external pressure.  The news sources have only reported on the incidents and the results.  The fact that it has garnered such attention on such few details is what I comment on, not on the unknowns  of internal Secret Service policies.
                 Where do you stand on it?  Are you a proponent of the "sexual freedom" or are you against sexual immorality?  It isn't a gray area, either the men in question did nothing wrong, or they did.  If they did, how can doing legal acts that fit in with "sexual freedom" be wrong?  Just food for thought.
                Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

What do you see?

        As you look out your window (provided you are lucky enough to be near one), what do you see?  More importantly, what do you notice first?  Think about it, what was the first thing you noticed?  Was it the bird in the tree, or the worn out building across the way?  Was it grass on the lawns or the empty parking spaces in the street?  In other words, was it natures beauty or man made things that caught your eye first?  We all see things differently.  That is a fact of life.  Where some See beauty, others see desolation.  Where some see man made junk, others see art waiting to be set free. 
          Take a junkyard, for example.  In it you expect to find rusty, dented cars, stacks of tires, worn out engines, and mud.  What you don't expect is the flowers growing in the corner or the cherry tree blossoming in the middle.  What about the cars themselves?  Can you look at them and see that one of them may have been a thing of beauty when it was new?
         We tend to do the same with people we meet.  We categorize them and sort them by initial appearance.  We don't think that that guy with the purple 12 inch Mohawk is a florist and regularly volunteers at the local soup kitchen.  We don't think that that girl in the nice suit and shoes that is well manicured and beautiful hair is on her last dollars hoping that the interview she is on the way to will get her a job, any job.  It is our first reaction to make assumptions on generalities regardless of the specifics.  We associate purple Mohawks with punk rock and anarchists and thus anyone who has one is one.  We associate well dressed and manicured people with affluence and assume they can afford whatever it is they need.  Yet if we only look a little closer, we can see that the guy with the purple Mohawk is wearing a name tag and apron for the local florist and the lady's shoes show a bit of wear and her purse is held together with clothes pins and mismatched stitching.
         It is in our nature to place people into categories.  We want everything to fit where we want it to fit.  We define our world by what we've seen and heard and we try and cram everything we know into those definitions.  As an example, if I were to set a recliner next to a standard sized moving box (2'x2'x3') and asked you if the recliner would fit in the box, you would, most likely, say no.  But if you break up the recliner into small enough bits, it will fit (trust me, I have experience).  It isn't about Destroying something, it is about changing assumptions.  When I first posed the question, you assumed I wanted the recliner kept whole.  I did not specify it, yet is was assumed.  And you would have been right, a whole recliner will not fit into a standard moving box.  Change your assumptions into questions.
             We make assumptions because we are afraid to ask the questions.  This is because we either are afraid of looking less intelligent, because we are afraid of the response, or just plain arrogance.  The fear of appearing less intelligent is a self centered fear.  You are afraid of what others think of you.  If you ask the question, you find the truth and maybe you weren't the only one with the question.  If you are afraid of the response you get, you are typically making another assumption.  This one about the character of the person you are asking.  You are assuming that the person is going to respond negatively and cruelly.  Once again, if you are polite when you ask, very few people will respond negatively.  The final is the tough one.  It is when you decide you know what the other person wanted.  You know best and thus, you don't need to ask.  They left it up to you, so why should you ask for clarification.
                I guess what this all comes down to is, find the beauty in everything.  Oh, and don't make assumptions.  Oh, and look at specifics.  Wow, looks like I just rambled incoherently for a while.  Makes for an interesting read I guess.
             Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Service is an Attitude, not an action.

            This weekend was enlightening.  In the Diehards bible study we had a discussion on the 6 woes in Luke chapter 11.  Then on Sunday the sermon covered what Jesus had to say to the pharisees.  The culmination of which was an eye opener to the world of legalism within the church.  Pastor Barry did a great job of pointing out where churches go wrong.  How they elevate good ideas and practices to must haves for salvation.  The one thing I think that could be added is a simple idea and basis.  The why we do the good things we do, our motivation.
            While it is true the bible says to tithe, it is very clear on one point.  It isn't about the money or the amount, it is about the attitude.  Do you give because God orders it and thus you give exactly 10%?  Or do you give because you truly love God, want to please him, and feel that he has a better use for it and thus tend to give extra either through rounding up liberally or just giving generously?  Do you do the right thing because it is the right thing to do or because brother so and so might be watching?  Do you volunteer at church because the church may or may not need you or because the deacon board might see you?  Do you pray out loud to be heard by others or to be heard by God?
            But they are all good, what difference does the motivation make?  Simple, if the motivation is to be noticed, then it is a selfish motivation and not a Godly one.  Eventually, that person will be noticed for the wrong reason or worse, cause hurt to another Christian who has the right motivation.  Someone who does things for the right reasons and unselfish love of God, while they may eventually err, is always quick to admit their errors and will do what they must to correct them.  The selfish one will blame others.
            When you do things to be noticed, you make yourself the focus and not the task.  When serving God, the service and God must always be the focus.  Once you start focusing on yourself, you trivialize God.  That is not a good thing.    The Pharisees forgot that.  They followed the rules that elevated themselves and did things out of a look at me attitude.  This led to hypocrisy running rampant among them.  It was noticed by the people, but the Pharisees were oblivious to it.  When we make rules to follow and things to do based on good principles and then judge others by how well they adhere to our made up rules, we are asking God to humble us.  Personally, I think I would rather avoid that.  God has a way of humbling us that no of us like.  He is especially harsh with those who claim to follow him.  As one man said, "if you are a child of God, you best be on your knees praying regularly or God will bring you to your knees some other way."  Several places in the Bible state that every knee shall bow and every tongue confess, that Jesus Christ is lord.  You can do it voluntarily or have God do it for you.  Personally, I would rather do it myself and save myself the pain and embarrassment.
            Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Prioritize your priorities

           Have you ever sat down and sorted out your priorities?  I mean really sat down and thought about it.  I have and it became clear to me that I had my higher priorities set (God, wife, and then kids), but had simply thrown the rest into a stack called other.  That led me to wonder how I showed those priorities and where the rest of them fit in.  Which was more important, my friends or my job?  What would I do if I had to choose between them?  It takes some soul searching to really put your finger on it.
           Will we really have to make a choice between them?  Probably not, but it is an exercise that helped me to figure out my priorities (friends ended up first in that battle).  The thing is, when you know your priorities and live by them, it puts things in a new perspective.  For instance, I decided long ago, that my family was more important than any job I could ever have.  This meant they had first dibs on my time.  I did what I had to at work, but I immediately went home when the day ended.  This meant that I got passed over for promotion as I was seen as not dedicated enough to spend every waking moment at work.  I did make a few other decisions that affected it, but no one wants to help someone advance who goes home as soon as the boss says, "you're on your time now."  My family came first.  Sure, I could give them a little more money paycheck to paycheck if I got advanced, but the reality, to me, is that my time with them is more important than a little extra cash.  How could I justify working an extra 20 hours a week for an extra night out in a restaurant a month?  That's what it came down to. 
              Whether you want to admit it or not, we all look at everything through the filters of our priorities.  If your priority is making money, you will look at every thing you do and place a monetary value to it.  If it doesn't add money to your pocket and it conflicts with something that does, you will choose the one that makes you money.  This is in contrast to someone who's priority is their family that is faced with the same decision where the non money making event is family time and the other is overtime at work, the family guy will choose family.  This doesn't mean the family guy never does overtime, he just prioritizes differently.  When the family guy works overtime, it is with a specific goal in mind that is usually family centric (a vacation, Christmas gifts, etc).
              If you understand your priorities and why you appreciate them so much, it will help you in your future decisions.  The downside is that you can talk yourself into a lot of things that are contrary to your priorities if you aren't careful.  For instance, you could talk yourself into spending a large sum of money on a new car on the premise that your family deserves it when in reality a used one would work fine, save you money and not stress your checkbook.  When you look at your priorities you have to look at them from all sides.  I know I have primarily written this on the money side, but that is just because it is the easiest side to see and use.  You also have to consider the emotional, spiritual, and moral side of things.  Which is more important, working overtime for an expensive vacation or spending that time with the family and then taking a less expensive vacation?  That isn't just a question of money, it is a question of connecting with your family.  One week a year is not enough time to fully connect with your family.  It is a year round thing, at least for me it is. 
          What is your priority?  Is making money more important than helping your child with a science fair project?  Is having a night out more important than holding your spouse when they are upset?  Is washing your car more important than playing a game with your children?  We live our priorities everyday and what you choose is an indicator of that.  Don't just say that it is your priority, live it.
         Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

People are not like cheese: We don't necessarily get better with age.

           After yesterday's rant, I feel the need to slow it down a bit.  I believe that the only thing that comes to mind to do today is to insert another of my answers for my sons.  Today, I think I will include the answer to the following question:

What is the worst part about getting older?

Simply put, the way the body starts to betray you.  First there is the pain.  It I’m not talking about pain from more frequent injuries.  No, I am talking about pain from the stuff you do every day.  You find that your body has decided that you no longer need full use of various parts and thus it should remind you of that by making them hurt at random.  It is true that as you age you tend to be able to do less and less.  Things that you could do easily yesterday (standing up quickly for instance) are harder to do today.  Your knees start to ache just from walking to the bathroom in the morning.  Your back hurts as you sit up to turn off that alarm.  Sometimes, just stretching can make you hurt.  And that’s not including hurting yourself by trying to do something you were able to do just a few years ago.  Take playing football for example.  I used to be able to throw the ball without pain (not very well, but at least it didn’t hurt), now, after two tosses, my shoulder hurts and I think hand offs are a better option.  Add to that that running for any distance is out of the question.  Knees, ankles, hips, and back all get in on that action.  Exercise for any extended period of time and your entire body reminds you that it is an unusual practice for days afterward.  I suppose if you exercise regularly and eat right the pain is less, but where is the fun in that. 

The secondly the body gives up on staying trim.  When I was younger I could eat anything I wanted all day and not gain a pound.  Then I hit 24 and my body decided I needed to start storing food for the winter.  Now I have to watch what I eat if I don’t want a waist size equivalent to my age.  Now I have a gut, a requirement to be under a certain weight, and a hankering for chocolate and fried foods (yes, a deep fried chocolate bar sounds great right about now).  The weirdest part of all this is that, when I was younger, I used to eat fairly healthy and moderately.  Now that I am older and have to watch what I eat, I mainly want to eat junk food and candy, and I want to do it all the time.  In other words, the body says, “if you eat this I’ll make you fat,” and then turns around and yells, “EAT IT, EAT IT ALL!!!” 

The final thing the body does to you is mess with your sleeping habits.  By this I mean it refuses to allow you to sleep properly.  You may be able to get up regularly at the same time every morning before your alarm clock goes off.  Then, the night the power goes out and your alarm clock fail to go off, your body decides you need to sleep for an extra four hours.  Never mind that on the weekend when you can sleep in your body wakes you up 5 minutes before your alarm normally goes off.  Then when you go to bed, you start reading and can’t seem to finish a sentence.  You turn of the light and stare at the ceiling for an hour until your body finally decides that you’re serious.  The body lies about how tired you are all the time too.  You could be falling asleep on the couch and unable to keep your eyes open, but the moment you lay down in bed, you are wide awake.  Then when you finally do fall asleep, you wake up 3 hours later for no reason, and then every hour on the hour you wake up again.  The next night, as soon as your head hits the pillow, you pass out and are barely able to wake up for your alarm clock. 

                Yup, the worst part about growing older is how your body begins to betray you.

                Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Gay marriage: Wrong by definition.

          I am back on days and so I will be posting more often.  Today I think I will address an issue that is coming up on the ballot here in the state of Washington.  It is a referendum on gay marriage.  I understand that this is a hot issue and that it will be hotly debated, so let me start with some facts.  First of all, here in Washington state, there is the civil union law.  This law gives any couple who apply for it (much like a marriage license) may enter a civil union.  Those in that union receive all the same privileges and benefits of a married couple.  In other words, no rights or privileges granted a married couple may be with held from a couple with a civil union.  It also adds that this union may be between couples of the same sex.
           Why did I mention that?  Simple, it means that any move for gay marriage ceases to be about civil rights as no rights are being denied.  It is about redefining marriage.  The argument that we are trying to deny people basic rights is ludicrous at best.  By law, if a same sex couple is denied something a married couple gets, then they have every right to bring charges and sue the person discriminating against them.  The law that enacts same sex marriage is about definitions, not rights.  I have yet to see any right or privilege that a married couple gets that a couple in a civil union is denied by law.
            The one thing that has always bugged me as well is the idea that marriage is a right.  The fact is, we can't call it a right.  If we do, then we have been denying this right for years and the gay marriage law will not change that.  I am referring to 2 consenting adults of legal age.  I agree that the idea that enacting gay marriage will lead to people marrying animals or that it will legalize pedophilia is asinine at best.  What I am talking about is relational marriage.  If it is a rights issue, no two consenting adults of legal age can be denied this right, yet we continually deny marriage between close relations (1st cousins, siblings, father daughter, mother son, etc.).  Don't get me wrong, I understand the implications of these marriages and don't agree with them either, but the fact remains that we discriminate against these marriages as well.
           Call me what you will and be as angry as you want.  The fact remains that this ceased to be a civil rights issue when the only thing being argued is a definition.  Why am I concerned?  Because it means that, in order for a religious entity to maintain its beliefs and convictions, it must, by definition, discriminate and go against the law.  By enacting a law that redefines marriage, you force churches into a situation where they are forced to either run afoul of the law and discriminate, or go against their convictions and beliefs.  There shall be no laws establishing religion or infringing the free practice thereof.  How can a church fee free to practice its religion is against the law to hold on to their beliefs.
            Now, to answer and argument that jumps up every time religion is brought in on this.  Slavery is not directed by the bible.  As I read the new testament, it is clear that it did not agree with slavery.  In fact, every instance of slavery in the new testament that I have read has mentioned paying proper wages and treating them fairly.  I am not a theologian, but it appears to me, the biblical definition of slavery can be paralleled with someone under contract today.  Yes, it was twisted and used wrong in early America and elsewhere and I could never condone that, but I am not talking about early America.  The fact is the bible is very clear on this issue.  Homosexuality is wrong according to the bible (new testament included) and since this is what my beliefs, and most Christian beliefs, are based on I cannot condone it nor agree with it. 
            That's about it for today.  Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Affirmative Action: Legalized discrimination.

            Sorry it's been a while since my last post.  For some reason the computer wouldn't let me compose these past couple of days.  Anyway, here is something that caught my attention and I feel needs to be said.
           Recently, a case went befoer the supreme court on affirmative action.  The case involved a student trying to get into a university in Texas.  If you haven't heard of it you can look it up as I don't feel the need to rehash it.  This post is on my thoughts on affirmative action.  I feel that affirmative action, by its very nature, is discriminatory.  If you give someone preference based on the race or gender and it is considered discrimination, yet this is exactly what affirmative action does.  Based on the fact that you are a part of a minority, you are given "special consideration."  I don't understand the logic of using discriminatory actions to "ensure equality" by forcing quotas.  We have a system that is very sensitive to discriminatory issues.  In fact, if you are a minority and want to get a bunch of money, bring a lawsuit against any company for discrimination and see how fast it gets settled.  It doesn't matter how legitimate it is, even the hint of discrimination will open their checkbooks.  Yet, we still feel it is necessary to pass laws and make rules that give special considerations to minorities.
            So how do you make the process fair?  You may ask.  Simple, you remove any hint of a persons race, gender, etc. from the application process.  You take a look at their qualifications and choose the best based on that.  When it comes time for the interview, trust your interviewer to be fair and choose the best candidate.  If you suspect discrimination after that, then sue and be prepared to pay.  As I said, I can't think of any major company out there that doesn't fear a discrimination lawsuit.  Just the hint of impropriety is enough to get people fired.
            As is so often pointed out to me, this is the 21st century, the practices of 50 years ago are past.  It is time to move on and start allowing people to earn jobs based on merit, not whether or not they belong to a minority.  I am sure there are people out there that will decry me as being insensitive to the minority plight.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  I believe that race and gender have nothing to do with ability and skill.  They are completely seperate.  I don't think I could take a job that I knew I got because of my race or gender.  Yet, it happens all the time.  And not because the hired person is white, but because they are a minority and that is apparantly an OK form of discrimination.
               So ask yourself this, if discrimination is wrong, how is affirmative action legal?  In summary, it isn't.  Affirmative Action is discrimination.  Affirmative Action promotes racism by saying that a minority couldn't compete without preferential treatment.  I say it is time to do away with affirmative action and embrace a new concept of equal treatment for all, regardless of race or gender.  Then again, isn't that what the Civil rights movement of the 60s was after in the first place?
             Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Bad Days: reality or perception

           This morning was interesting.  My alarm went off at the usual time and I hit the snooze, as usual.  I woke up on my own an hour later and had to rush to get to work.  I was late and still have no clue what happened.  At least this is so out of the ordinary for me (I am usually the first one in) that all my boss said was, "it happens."  Hopefully, the rest of today goes better.
           I find so many things hinge on how the day starts.  I think it is more a matter of perception than reality.  I find that if I start a day off badly, like today, I tend to be more attuned to the downside of events than otherwise.  The funny thing is, when I have a day that starts of great, I start watching for the bad stuff to bring me down.  Makes me wonder, is this true for everyone, or just me?  I try to be proactive and approach every day and event as an individual thing, expecting the best out of it.  The problem is, in the back of my mind, I hear this little voice that reminds me how the day started and how it should go.  I guess it is just another thing to work on.
            I really don't have much going on.  I started working out again yesterday in preparation for my upcoming physical fitness assessment (it is still over 10 weeks away) since I have 15 pounds to lose.  My wife and I have been working out together and are working on ways of gently reminding each other that it is time to exercise.  I really don't like working out.  I know it is necessary and something I need to do, I just don't like it.
          That's about all I have for today.  Thank you for reading and, as always, have a great day.

My Mom: A different kind of rolemodel

           On my way to work, the news pointed out that it was Friday the 13th.  I hadn't noticed, but then again, I am oblivious a lot.  I just don't see it as any worse than any other day.  In fact, my third son was born on the 13th and I classify that as a pretty darn good day.  Have I had bad Friday the 13ths?  Of course, but I have also had bad Monday the 1sts, Tuesday the 10ths, etc.  So why does Friday the 13th get such a bad rap?  I'll let you look up the history because I really don't want to spend the next few days summarizing it, besides, I am sure the History Channel will have something on it today.  What about you, do you consider Friday the 13th a bad day, or just another Friday?
             Yesterday, I sent a homage out to my dad.  It was what I felt at the time and it hasn't changed.  I feel the need to include my mother though.  You see, she was a role model to me in a different way.  My mom was a registered nurse before she had her first child.  When she became a mother she decided to become a housewife.  For those of you who think that a woman debases herself by becoming a housewife, I wish you could have met her.  By devoting herself to raising her kids and supporting her husband, she taught me that making money is not the only or necessarily best way to support a family.  Being there is even more important.  By shaping your child's life on a day to day basis, you have a hand in making sure that they become a productive and respected part of society.  The idea that men make women slaves by keeping them in the home is ludicrous.  Women who stay at home and raise their kids are showing love of the highest degree.  Think about it.  Love, by definition, is self sacrifice.  This means you put those you love above yourself.  By choosing to place you kids over your own desires, you have shown them what love truly is and I can't think of anything better to teach your kids.
               I say this, not to deride those that chose a career over staying at home, but to point out that the choice to give up a career to raise children is not debasing, but elevating.  My mother continually proved that.  I can't think of a single person mother interacted with that didn't respect her.  The neat thing is, she treated everyone with an equal respect. 
               You don't realize just how much of an influence someone has until they are gone.  You see, my mother died when I was 13.  It was hard on all of us.  But I want to tell you of something that happened 3 years or so before that.  My mom died of abdominal cancer.  She fought it for about three years.  Before that, she had a very active role in our church.  She taught the Shepperd's class, the class for the handicapped, and they loved her.  You could walk by the classroom during Sunday school and hear the joy in their voices.  If you looked in from the back during the lesson, they would listen attentively to her every word, just as she listened to theirs.  She knew each of their names, what made them special, and so much more about each of them.  She was more than a teacher to them, she was their friend.  When she got sick, she had to give up teaching since she was usually weak from the Chemo.  Every week at church, we had her students come up and ask about her and when she would return.  This went on for the entire time she was sick.  A lot of those special students lived in a community for them ten miles from the church and the church sent a van to pick them up every Sunday.  When mom died, we asked if they wanted to come and instead of the usual single 15 passenger van, we had to send 2 on 2 trips.  It seems, that there were quite a few who had come intermittently while mom was teaching and didn't return when she was unable to continue.  They filled three full pews and cried almost as hard as we did.
           Mom's funeral is one of the few times I ever remember our church being filled to overflowing.  You never realize how many people someone touches until they are gone.  The most amazing thing to me happened while I was home on leave a couple of years ago.  I was having a conversation with my brother in law and we were having a frank discussion about our wives.  He told me, "your mom must have been a remarkable woman to have raised such a great wife as my wife.  I can see her strength in your sister and really wish I could have met her."  This blew me away.  Nearly twenty years after her passing, and she is still influencing people and making them want to meet her.  I can only hope that I have half the influence and respect that she did.  Who do I want to see most when I get to heaven?  My mom is at the top of that list.  I hope that the line to meet Jesus is really long so I have that much more time to spend with my mom and introduce her to everyone she has touched. 
              Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

My Dad: The unrecognized role model

            This week keeps getting more expensive.  Yesterday, I found out that it would cost more to fix the dryer than it would cost to buy a new one.  The funny thing is, it is still usable, although annoying to the extreme.  So we are going to save up and buy a new one when the newest models come out (we will by the previous years models on sale).  Hopefully it will last that long. 
             With that in mind it is time to move on to today's topic.  With everything that has been happening, I have realized just how much I learned from my dad.  I have a decent understanding of how septic systems work.  I understand home plumbing and can do a lot of the electrical without getting shocked to bad.  I have a decent understanding of what it takes to run a garden and the list goes on.  I saw a lot of different repairs and projects with my dad and he taught me about most of them.  The funny thing is, I don't remember paying that much attention while they were going on, but I remember the lessons and what they meant. 
               These practical lessons are what has really stuck with me and shaped a lot of what makes my dad to me.  Sure, I remember some of the games we played together, but most of my memories with my dad are centered around jobs I did with him.  Watching him work and his interaction with those he worked for and with, shaped a lot of how I approach things today.  I can't remember dad ever uttering a single cuss word or speaking badly of anyone.  The closest he ever got to talking badly about someone was when he referred to people as characters.  You know, "that guy sure is a character."  You may not have known whether he meant it in a good or bad way, but you knew that whoever he was talking about wasn't playing with a full deck. 
              This isn't to say dad didn't have his opinions, he just kept them to himself unless he was able to make a change.  I can't imagine that anyone could find anything disagreeable about dad if he ran for public office, other than the fact that I don't think he would want the job.  I think the lessons I learned most about dad is, he has that innate ability to make you think about what it is you are going to do and say with out saying a thing.
             Where does that lead me?  It leads me to the conclusion that dad didn't just claim to be a Christian, he lived it.  I can't think of another living person that has had such a quiet influence on my definition of Christian than my dad.  I am not saying that I don't know any other good Christians, just that my dad has shown me that definition his entire life.  Why do I say this now?  Mainly because it has only recently come to my attention.  That's right, I didn't recognize the role model I had growing up until I was trying to be one to my own kids.  Somehow or another, I failed to see that there was the model of what I want to be today trying to pass it on to me as I grew up.  So I guess, what I got to say is, dad, forgive me for ignoring you and thank you for living in God's ways and giving me that example to recognize today.
              OK, I am getting all choked up.  Thank you for reading and, as always, have a great day.

An answer for a post.

            I have been agonizing over what to write on today and have had no luck in coming up with a subject.  The fact is that I am a slightly out of it today.  The sad thing is, I really don't know why.  I slept decently last night and am fairly alert, but I just can't seem to concentrate.  I guess that is why I am not doing to well today on this.  That being said, I will simply paste in an excerpt from the answers to my sons.
           These answers are in response to the book "Questions for My Father" by Vincent Staniforth.  My boys have been choosing questions they want answers to and I have been writing those answers.  The questions vary widely so I have chosen to share the answer to What happened on your favorite holiday?  Please read below

I guess the first thing I have to answer here is, what is my favorite holiday?  The answer to that would be thanksgiving.    This leads us to ask, why?  This is what I think this question is really asking.  What happened on your favorite holiday to make it your favorite holiday?  I can’t name a single event, more like a series of events.

In order for you to fully understand my answer, I am going to have to give you a bit of background.  The first thing you need to know is that, while I grew up in Iowa, my mother was from Wyoming.  Add to that, the fact that my mother’s side was from all over, but mainly Nebraska.  The first meant that my mom didn’t get to see her mom all that often and the second meant that she got to see her cousins even less.  My dad, on the other hand, had nearly all of his relatives within a radius of about 75 miles.  This meant that we saw my dad’s side of the family quite often and spent every Sunday at my Grandma’s house.

Sure, my mom’s family had a reunion every other year and so we got to see our relatives then, but what did we do in between?  This is where Thanksgiving comes in.  In the years that we didn’t have a family reunion, we spent Thanksgiving week with my mom’s mom.  We got to see our aunts and uncles and spend a holiday with grandma.  Grandma Skinner was a very good cook and we always ate well.  But it was the fact that we got to see her and our cousins that made it worth it.

That is really only part of the answer.  What about the years we didn’t go and see Grandma Skinner?  We went to see Grandma Ibbotson.  We would get together with dad’s sister and our cousin and have a Thanksgiving meal that I envy to this day.  My cousin and I would end up fighting over the last piece of lemon meringue pie.  We would decorate Grandma’s house for Christmas.  Then I would watch football with grandpa and we would nibble on pies and snacks and turkey and nearly everything the rest of the day.  My dad and Uncle Larry would end up snoring in the living room driving everyone to the dining room or kitchen.  Sometimes I would go out and play football with the neighbors.  In all, I have really fond memories of it all. 

While Christmas is always fun with the gifts and of course getting together with my cousins at Grandma’s house, Thanksgiving was the holiday I most looked forward to.  I knew I was going to get to spend it with at least one of my grandmothers.  But if I had to choose a single Thanksgiving to remember it would be the Thanksgiving the year after my mom died.  I was only 14 at the time and my Grandpa had died that spring.  In all it had been a rough year.  To make it worse, it was also the year for us to go and see Grandma Skinner.  Normally I looked forward to that trip.  Between losing mom and Grandpa Ibbotson, I really wasn’t in much of a celebrating mood.  I was also old enough to realize that Grandma really didn’t need to have her son somewhere else for Thanksgiving that year.  I was prepared for the worst as I expected dad to tell us that we weren’t going to Wyoming that year.  Instead, dad invited Grandma Ibbotson to join us.  So we all went to Wyoming for Thanksgiving.  Instead of having one grandma cooking Thanksgiving dinner, we had two.  They got along so well, that we ended up doing it again 2 years later and Grandma Ibbotson got adopted by my mom’s family and was permanently invited to their family reunion.  And the best part of that Thanksgiving?  I got a lemon meringue pie all to myself. 

So, when I think of Thanksgiving, I think of family coming together in good times and in bad and making things better.  I think of good food and better friendships.  I think of laughter and joy in dark times and sighs of stuffed contentment in lean times.  It is said that Christmas brings out the best in everyone, but Thanksgiving brings out the strongest desire for family and, to me, family is one of the most important things in the world.

What event led to Thanksgiving being my favorite holiday?  The gathering of my family.  Thanksgiving wasn’t about the turkey and the food, but about a sharing of time and cares with family.  That is what Thanksgiving is.  That is what is supposed to happen on thanksgiving.

Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day

Happy New Year: resolutions for a new me.

          Welcome back.  This is the first post of the new year and I just want to start out the year right.  It was a great holiday season.  I got to spend a lot of time with my family and we had a good time.  Took the entire family roller skating.  They all had a blast.  The 4 year old enjoyed himself as well, which was great.  Christmas went well as did the New Year, so there is that. 
            I know this is a day late by some estimates, but I just wanted to make sure I got it all worked out before I got on here.  First day back to work and all that.  I was kep t busy with office emails and package reviews, but today looks like it may be a bit slower. 
            Now for the question I know you want the answer to (then again, maybe it is just my ego speaking), what are my new year's resolutions?  Resolutions are made based on things you need to improve and the only way to find those things is to reflect on the past year.  I chose resolutions I could accomplish, but required a change in me to complete.  Resolutions that not only meant something to me, but to others as well.  That is also why I chose to share them.  If you have a goal and fail to share it, you remove accountability.  Share your resolutions with those they affect, that way they can help you keep them.  You also need to communicate with the people who will help you with your resolutions what you mean by them and how you plan to accomplish them.  If you say you want to lose weight (not a comment on any of you, just an easy target), then you need to explain how you plan on doing it, otherwise, you may find the help you get is advice you have already recieved a dozen times and advice you hate.  Anyway, you need to take the time ot make your resolutions, write them down, and follow through.  Now on to my resolutions.
            The first is to actually be more involved in the family.  This sounds like something that should be easy, but as I looked back I realized that I would get home, turn on the TV, and tune out the family.  I want to be a bigger part of their lives.  With that in mind, the resolution means that TV will be a family event, vice a me event as much as possible.  I will still have a few shows that are mine, but I am going to stop surfing to "see what's on" until after I have been able to spend time with the boys.  They deserve it.
           The second resolution is simply to stick to my work out and diet regime.  I need to do this to make sure I pass my last physical fitness assessment (PFA), the Navy's way of weeding out the fat people.  I should be able to pass it as long as I work out and diet.  The last PFA was nearly a failure as my work outs were inconsitant at best and my diet was erradic.  This cycle, I am determined to do my best.  I will still make dinners as much as possible, but I will just start limiting my portions.
             The final resolution I made is to be more involved in my church.  Since we have decided to stay out here, we decided that this was definitely our church.  I already do a lot with the church, but I need to find more ways to be involved.  This will mean a shuffling of priorities, but I think it is something I need to do.
            So what about you, what resolutions did you make?  Or did you decide it wasn't worth it since you can't keep them anyway? 

What does race have to do with it?

           So my turn on graves is winding down.  This has been, well, not a lot of fun.  As sad as it is, it seems I have finally become accustomed to this shift.  I actually sleep until three in the afternoon.  Not that I feel rested.  All the same, I will be glad to be off this shift.  I have, however added a bit more to my story because I have had the time.  If you want, check the link to the right.
          I have had a few thoughts running through my head for a while and I think I would like to share them.  Those of you I have talked with regularly may have heard some of these, to the rest of you this will be new.  These are my thoughts on "racism" in America.  Why did I put it in quotes?  Not because I don't believe there is racism, but because I believe we make it a bigger problem than we ought to.  Think about it.  How many nations out there feel it is necessary to list race in any story not involving a white person?  How many countries out there ask for race on surveys, tests, and as a measure of diversity?  The fact is, that most nations don't.  America leads the world in this.  Think about it.  How many people refer to themselves as African-Englishmen?  How about Latino-french?  The fact is, that no matter how much we celebrate our diversity, we encourage racism by the very labels we use.
          Think of it like this.  You go to work and you are labeled as a male/female-American day in and day out.  Does this indicate diversity, discrimination, or simply labeling?  The fact is, it is a form of discrimination.  We label things so that we can categorize them.  If we were to drop the extra part and just label everyone American, we would find that a lot of the discriminatory practices would go away.  I am not saying racism would be eliminated, but it would certainly be on the back burner.  If you eliminated all references to race, sex, religion, etc. that are used to discriminate, the only thing left is who that person is.  That means that you are hired or not for who you are.  When you go into a job expecting to be treated a certain way because of some label you have, you are propagating that stereotype.  When you decide that you will accept the label someone else has placed on you or on another, you are propagating discrimination.  The only way to reduce discrimination is to minimize the labels which breed it.
         Note that I am not saying that you should not be proud of your heritage or that you should deny what you are.  I am simply saying that by using extraneous labels to define people by how they appear or were born, we condone discrimination.  Don't believe me?  Watch the news and TV.  Tally up the number of times a black man/woman is described as African-American versus the number of times they are referred to by name.  I am not talking about descriptions of suspects, that is one where you can't really avoid it as it is part of an identifiable trait.  I am referring to stories where the race of the person involved really has no bearing other than as to highlight/disprove stereotypical traits.  You will be surprised.  For instance a story about a successful business man might read something like "John Smith donated 100 hours of community service."  This is how it should read in all instances.  Yet when a non white man is involved, it suddenly reads, "John Smith, an African American success story, donated 100 hours of community service."  By comparing the 2 sentences you find a contrast so startling, you should be offended.  Is the first John Smith less successful?  Is it so amazing that an African-American can be successful?  Unfortunately, we are trained from an early point that this is how it should be.
          If we are not allowed to discriminate in business, why are we allowed to discriminate in the press?  The funny thing is, I have been castigated and called out for these views.  I have been told that I am minimizing the importance of the minorities by saying these things.  I have been called a racist jerk for saying that race has no part in how we describe people daily.  Yes, I am white.  But does it really matter?  Is what I wrote any less true because of it.  Or did you just read the parts that said African-American and from that decide that I was racist?  Let's drop the unnecessary labels and just be Americans.
         Well, that wasn't a Christmas post, but I felt it needed to be said.  Thank you for reading and, as always, have a nice day.

Working at home 16 hours a week is actually pretty good.

           Cast party tonight went great.  We had a great time and were able to honor those who thought they were able to hide behind the scenes.  OK, maybe they weren't hiding so much as serving where they were most able.  Either way, they finally received the recognition they deserved.  We couldn't have done it without them.  As Trey said, you don't realize just how many people beyond the actors are required to pull off a successful show.  We actors sometimes forget that or find a way to overlook them in our arrogance.  It is humbling to realize just how much work those behind the scenes put into the show.  Thanks again.
          Now that I've gone all sentimental, I think it is time for me to move on to something that bugged me a bit.  Today on the way to work there was an news story about stay at home dads.  It would have been a half way decent piece if they hadn't ended it with statistics designed to make men look lazy and useless.  The quote was that men on the average are doing a mere 16 hours of house work a week at home.  They then went on to say that these stay at home dads finally understood what a stay at home mom did.  Let's straighten something out here.  I understand exactly what goes into a mothers day and it is busy.  I have seen it and understand it.  But if you want to throw out numbers here you go.  Add to that 16 hours, 40 hours of work to make sure you can afford to stay at home.  Add an average of 10 hours commuting to that work.  Now add an average of 7 hours doing work not associated to house work.  By the way there are 164 hours in a week.  The average stay at home mom spends 40 hours a week sleeping.  Add another 10 hours a week watching their chosen TV show.  Add another 10 hours a week updating their face book and another 10 hours socializing at play dates.  The point isn't to make women fell bad, or men to feel more arrogant (heaven knows we don't need that), the point is to acknowledge that sometimes spouting random numbers generates more dissent and hurt than otherwise. 
             The fact is that with men doing an average of 16 hours a week of house work, we are actually keeping up with our partners and helping out quite a lot.  The idea that when we are apart our partner is doing nothing is ludicrous.  That is what these stats would have you believe.  That if your husband isn't at home doing house work, he is playing; or that if your wife is a stay at home mom, as soon as you leave the house, she sits down in front of the TV and does nothing.  I try to follow a basic rule (note I didn't say I always succeed, I am not perfect), as long as my wife is working , so am I.  The exception is when I work back shift, then I get to sleep for the first few hours of the day and help the rest before I go to work.
           That's my 2 cents.  Thanks for reading and, as always, have a nice day.

Thanksgiving Week: Thank God you guys read this stuff.

             What are you reading this for?!  It's Thanksgiving!  Go spend some time with your family stuffing your face, watching TV and maybe playing a few games.  Sheesh.
              Since you are here, I may as well finish what I started with my final Thank you for this Thanksgiving week.  But I think instead of saying thank you or telling you something I am thankful for, I am going to instead issue a challenge.  As you go through this day, I want you to dig deep and think of a single defining event that you are thankful for.  I could be good or bad, it just has to be something that is a defining moment.  One of those moments that you look at and realize that without that event, nothing you have today could be. 
                Something you maybe needed to happen to set you up for today.  Maybe it taught you an important lesson that lingers with you and shapes nearly every decision you make.  Maybe it brought a person into your life that changed how you lived it and is still bringing about these changes.  Maybe it is an event so simple that you are astounded in just how much it has influenced who and where you are.  Maybe it was a moment of stupidity, or maybe a moment of genius.  Just dwell on it and you may be surprised what your mind brings up. 
                  I am not asking you to share it, although you may if you so choose.  This is just something I think can be a real help to you in finding who you are.  This shouldn't be easy.  It shouldn't be something that is on the top of your head.  This is something so deep in you that you have nearly forgotten it.  Granted it may be something you think of often, but you probably won't recognize it as the life changer it became.  I only say this because as I was typing this I had a dozen thoughts go through my head.  I discarded each one as I found an event before it that led to that event. 
                  First I jumped to my marriage, but I realized that without my early entrance to the military it would never have happened.  Then I realized that my entrance into the military would never have happened had I not been where I was.  As I traced back this thread, I found my defining moment to be something that occurred before I started school.  Back to something I had little recollection of.  You see, when I was born, my father was a dairy farmer in southern Iowa.  I see the surprise in some of your eyes, since most of you only know him as a plumber and electrician.  It's true.  He owned a dairy farm in Ringgold county Iowa.  He had a sawmill on this farm as well.  My memories of the farm are very vague.  I only really remember a white house and a big bulldozer.  The defining moment came when I was about 3.  That year, dad went bankrupt.  As I said, this is all something I pieced together from conversations with dad and other things I have read.  The bankruptcy lead dad to move to Nevinville, Iowa and take up plumbing and electrical work to pay the bills.  Due to dad's business and the needs of the family, it lead him to move us 2 more times, the final move to Shannon City, Iowa and the East Union School District when I was in second grade.
                  Why do I call that my defining moment?  My entire life hinges on it.  Without that moment, I would have grown up a dairy farmer and sawmill operator, thus I never would have learned all I did about plumbing and electrical from my father.  My wife would never have met my sister in junior high and thus would never have known me.  I might never have been disillusioned by the church I grew up in and thus not had the experiences I did, not all of which were good, but all of which contributed to my understanding and have since strengthened my faith.  I can't begin to list all the other things that hinge on this one event.  I am sure it was painful to my father when it happened and I know it couldn't have been easy, but I am thankful for it as it is key to who I am and what I have become.  Maybe I went back to far, but this is what I came up with over the past thirty minutes while I wrote this.  I am not done thinking on it and maybe I will add to it later, or maybe not.  But it does beg the question, how much of our lives is based on stuff we can't even comprehend when it occurs?
             What about you?  What is your event?  Think on it and thank God for it.  Maybe you'll find something you haven't thought of for years.
            Have a happy Thanksgiving and let everyone around you know just how thankful you are for their influence in you life.  Thank you all for reading this, knowing you read it is what allows me to keep writing.