Marriage: 14 years and going, I did it and so can you.

                Fourteen years ago today I got to say I do to the most wonderful woman in the world.  I keep telling here she's stuck with me for at least the next hundred or so, after that we'll talk about whether or not we got it right.  I love you dear and am looking for to the next...however many years we have (I don't see an end to this thing we got).  Happy anniversary.

                I was going to make this a long post on how wonderful my wife is, but, for some reason, I get the feeling it is going to go in a different direction.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and could fill pages with her praise, but I hope that any husband could do the same for his wife and, although she turns a lovely shade of red, my wife tends to get slightly upset with me when I embarrass her by publicly praising her.  I don’t understand it, but, then again, I am not her.  That being said, allow me to get to the meat and potatoes of this post.

                As I was reflecting on what to write for today one theme kept creeping into my head, how did we keep it going for this long and what makes me confident that it will continue?  Let me begin my answer by saying that God must be at the center of it all.  But that is just the start.  First off, you have to be committed.  This means that before the words “I do” pass from your mouth; you absolutely must take the word divorce off the table.  Humans are lazy and will always take the easiest path available.   If you make divorce an option, you will use it.  Marriage is hard work and can be very difficult.  Let’s face it, you put two people into a life together, there will be conflict.  Conflict is hard, especially when you care about the person you are in conflict with.  Divorce is easier than maintaining a marriage and when you make it an option, you eventually stop trying to maintain the marriage and start looking for the lawyer to protect your stuff.  So the first thing you need for a successful marriage is commitment.

                The second thing you need is humility.  What do I mean?  Simply this, you are not always right.  Let me say that again, you are not always right.  For a marriage to work, you have to put the other person first.  This means that the only argument you should have that is in any way unending should be over who gets to apologize for the last fight.  You will fight.  It is inevitable.  It is what we humans do.  What makes a marriage work is the ability to say, “I was wrong.”  The humility to let the idea that you are right go (regardless of whether you are or not) for the betterment of your relationship is the key.  We have an infinite ability to hurt each other and we use it all too often.  A strong marriage is one that recognizes these tendencies and jumps on them before they happen and is just as quick to apologize and admit the error.

                Since it appears that I am rambling, I will add one more ingredient and call it a day.  The final ingredient is love.  Why did it take so long to get to love?  Simply put, it is something that I shouldn’t have to mention.  It is, after all, the reason you got married in the first place.  But let’s dig into this.  Let’s first get rid of the idea that love is about that gut feeling you got in high school with your first girlfriend/boyfriend.  Love is an action, not an adjective or noun.  It is actively placing the person you love before yourself.  It is pursuing that persons goals, dreams, needs, and desires with your every fiber.  It means that you don’t hesitate when that person needs you, that it is second nature that you are second to him/her.  It means that no matter what, you are going to do what is right for him/her as quickly as you can regardless of what it does to you.  The idea that you would die for the one you love is not far off from this.  Love is self sacrifice at all times.  Love is actively searching for the best and aiding the worst.  Love is lifting the fallen and supporting the lifted.  Sometimes love requires that we let those we love suffer so they can grow.  Take your children, for example, you have to discipline them when they err so that they learn.  This hurts them, but it has to happen for their good.  We do it out of love.  Love is an action and it must be used actively.

                There you have it, my thoughts on what makes a successful marriage.  Love, Humility, Commitment, and above all else, God.  I am sure I could think of more, but I think I will leave it at that.

                Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Family vacation: the Finale

            When I last posted, I left off at just after Golden Spike national memorial.  The next day we finished our journey to the Grand Canyon.  Let me begin this by saying that just the drive to the North Rim is beautiful.  You pass through two national forests that are astounding.  It makes it even better after seeing desert for a hundred or so miles before hand.
           We arrived at the North Rim campround around two in the afternoon.  This gave us enough time to go to the visitors center and get our initial view of the canyon and it was amazing.  I believe on of the most endearing features of the North Rim is that it isn't as populous as the South Rim.  Whether this is due to the fact that the nearest freeway is 200 miles away, a 50+ mile drive on 2 lane roads, or that it is just not as well advertised as the South rim is up in the air.  Any way you look at it it makes it very easy to get around.  That night the rangers informed us that there was a campfire event where a ranger would talk with us.  We went and learned alot.  The ranger talk was on the ancient pueblonians (I hope I got that right).  We learned about their lore on where they came from and where they got their ability to make pottery and baskets.  At the end the kids got to make figures out of clay.  The kids loved it.
           The next day we took a bike ride from the campgrounds to the visitors center.  It was only about 1.5 miles, but it was over some decent sized hills.  The two older boys rode there bikes and I got to pull the two younger kids in the trailer.  We saw some majestic views and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.  The ride back was even harder as the campground is higher that the visitors center.  In other words, mainly uphill.  I actually had to make the kids get out of the trailer and walk with me a couple of times.  Once again the kids loved it.  We got back to the camprounds about noon.  As we were eating a park ranger came up to us and informed us about another ranger talk that was going on at one.  The talk was very informative.  It was on the animals that live in and around the Grand Canyon and the relationships between them. 
          That night we relaxed and just enjoyed being a family.  The next day we headed out to take a few hikes along the rim.  Let me tell you that, unless you have some health defect that makes strenuous activity a death defying feat, you really have to do some hikes to fully appreciate the majesty of the Grand Canyon.  They don't have to be long hikes.  The longest we took was about a mile or so.  I would attempt to describe the views here, but I just don't have the vocabulary.  All I have to say is, after the Grand Canyon, everything else is just a hole in the ground.  Yes, I borrowed that from my dad. 
           The next day I learned that, apparantly, Arizona has a pretty loose definition of what a city is.  When we left the Grand Canyon we decided to make the drive to Mesa Verde in one day.  This meant backroads through Arizona and southern Colorado.  The maps showed towns every 9 miles or so.  Apparantly, if it has a gas station (or did at one time) it gets a spot on the map as a town.  Luckily, the route we were taking stuck to one road for quite a ways and thus my wifes confusion as to where we were was not detrimental.  It really wasn't her fault.  It wasn't until we had passed the fourth or fifth gas station that we realized that those were the towns listed on our maps.  Overall, it was some beautiful country to drive through and well worth it.  We arrived at Mesa Verde about 6 pm.  We made camp and had our dinner.  That night they had a talk about the animals in park.  It was quite interesting.  The next day we headed out right after breakfast.  We ended up going all over the park.  We probably hiked around 5 miles.  We were able to go through a few of the cliff dwellings and were amazed at the sheer scope of the work that went into them.  There was an eerie beauty to it all.  The only downside was the heat.  That night we did another load of laundry and played Uno as a family.
            The next day we headed out for home.  As we were driving we dicided that, since it was on the way, to drive through Arches National Park.  It was decidedly worth it.  The boys got to climb up around the double arch and our youngest wouldn't stop talking about it.  Everywhere we went in the park, he wanted to go climbing.  Overall, the boys fell in love with the park. 
             We ended up making it to Salt Lake City that night despite the 2 hours we spent at Arches.  The next day we drove straight through to Boise.  We arrived around 3 pm.  Since we were a little early, we decided to go to Cabela's.  There I found one of the .22 rifles that I had grown up with.  My wife allowed me to buy it.  This meant the boys got to roam Cabela's for about 2 hours while I made the purchase.
            That night, we ate with my wife's brother at Golden Coral.  It was a good meal and we all enjoyed ourselves.  We ended up talking until almost midnight.  It was a good time.  The next day we shared breakfast and had a good timie.  We ended up swimming for most of the afternoon and the adults ended up getting sunburned since we ran out of sunblock on the last of the boys.  It was so worth it though.  Onec again we talked until late at night before saying good bye. 
          The next morning we made the journey home.  In all it was great vacation.  I know it was because I still haven't recovered from it.
          Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Summer Vacation: Part 1, on our way.

          I am back from my vacation.  It was a good vacation.  Ok, my wife says it was great, but she wasn't driving.  The little timer in the truck says we spent nearly 60 hours in it.  That means I spent nearly 60 hours driving through the western US towing a camper with 4 boys.  All that after sleeping on a bed that was less than comfortable and it makes for a very tiring vacation.
          To be honest, if that were the entirety of the vacation, then the vacation would have been the worst ever.  What elevates it to good is the fact that the parts where I wasn't driving (and even a few that I was) were absolutely amazing.  I got 2 weeks with my family and we stuffed a lot into that.
          First we went to Idaho and visited my brother in law, and it was a great visit even if it was only for about half a day.  Then we left for the Grand Canyon.  Due to a slight miscalculation on my part, we had an extra day to get to the Grand Canyon.  We decided to spend it looking at various sights.  We decided on the Hagerman Fossil beds.  Turns out, they weren't that great.  It was interesting and all, but it wasn't worth a day of travel .  I think the family would have preferred Craters of the Moon National Park instead.  The problems with Hagerman are that, in hte first place, it is 30 miles off the main road.  This normally wouldn't be a problem, but the second issue is that the park entrance is a small town and the visitors center is small, very small.  There are a few activities, but they are rather mundane and, for a fossil bed, there were suprisingly few fossils.  Top that off with the fact that the fossil beds themselves are inactive, hidden, and can't be reached without a few mile hike (not recommended with a 4 year old) and the whole thing was disappointing.  We ended up going a few miles down the road before camping for the night.
                 The next day is when the vacation really took off and became what really made it all worthwhile.  We now had 2 days to go about 600 miles.  No problem.  It started off with us looking for a Walmart or something like it because we were low on a few necessities.  The GPS told us there was one not to far off the road so we headed that way.  At the exit, I noticed a sign for Golden Spike National Memorial.  For those of you who are currently having brain farts, Golden Spike National memorial coomemorates the driving of the last spike on the transcontinental railroad in Promontory, Utah.  As we approached this Walmart, we discovered that what the GPS had meant to say was Walmart Distribution Center.  Yup, It was a huge warehouse surrounded by Walmart trucks.  In other words, shoppers not welcome.  We decided that, since we were on the road anyway, why not visit Golden Spike.  it was so worth it.  Sure it was another 30 miles off the main road, but it was informative and the kids loved it.  It helped that it had 2 working steam locomotives and was pretty quiet.
               As we left the Memorial, we noticed a rocket display at a place called ATK.  At first, I was convinced that I had heard of this place before.  Turns out, I had.  ATK is where they built, fueled, and tested the booster rockets for the space shuttle among other applications.  The display actually included a full size decomissioned booster rocket that you could go up to and be awed by.  My wife went nuts and wouldn't stop talking about it the rest of the day.  We did eventually find an actual Walmart and got our groceries before we stopped for the night.
             This is a good place to stop for now, I will continue with part 2 on Monday.  Hopefully, I will be able to complete it, but I wouldn't count on it.
             Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Defining success in a round about way.

                  I know I eluded to a well written article that would incorporate facts and figures and be neat and concise.  I know that is what I promised.  This obviously isn't it.  I am still gathering data and looking into the post I eluded to, but it may take longer than expected.  It isn't that there isn't a wealth of data, in fact, quite the opposite, there is almost to much.  But that is not the point of this post.
                  As I sat here doing research and surfing the internet (more of the latter than the former I am embarrassed to admit), my mind started wandering as it tends to do and I got to thinking about human successes and how they are achieved.  I realized that worthwhile successes either come about through sheer luck (miracles if you lean that way) or hard work and perseverance.  We have no control over the sheer luck aspect and, let's face it, if you are waiting for sheer luck to bring you success, then you will be waiting a while.  In fact, I would wager that, usually, when sheer luck strikes, the success has been worked toward and was accomplished through the sheer luck.  What do I mean?  Simply put, while experimenting (the hard work) an inventor discovers something unrelated to what he was working on (the success).
                   So what am I getting at, you ask.  Simply this, in order to succeed, you have to go against your human nature.  Human nature is to find the easy way out.  Human nature says, I want the reward, but don't make me ask for it.  You have to go outside of what it is you want to do and go further.  Think on it.  Was there anything that you wanted, worked for and got?  Wasn't that thing more cherished and celebrated than the thing you were given for free? 
                  I admit, I am lazy and really don't want to go outside of myself.  I don't like doing extra work and tend to wait until the last minute to do many things.  The fact is, that my biggest achievements and the things I remember the most, are those things that I went after and clung to tenaciously to achieve.  Those things that I was able to concentrate on and do to the best of my ability and hold up as what I could do.  It was those successes that I like to look on.  The stuff I got lucky with, I really don't remember (that may also be because I don't get lucky to often).
                 Ask yourself this, am I waiting on luck, or chasing success?  The first does nothing, the second gets you there.  The funny thing is, when you chase success, you may not end up where you thought you were headed.  The great thing about that is that the new place may be better than where you thought you wanted to go. 
                    I am not talking about monetary success alone.  Whatever it is you want success at requires effort.  If you want a long and successful marriage, you have to work at it.  You can't just sit back and let it happen, you'll end up with a roommate instead of a spouse.  If you want your kids to grow up right and happy, you have to work at it.  You have to discipline them, teach them, and spend time with them.  If you sit on the couch and ignore them, they become the kids you complain about at the store.  You get the picture.  If you are living life under the assumption that you deserve something because of who you are for no effort, then you need to reevaluate your life.  People who believe that have a name, spoiled brats.  If you define yourself by the success of others (Do you know who my daddy is?;  I work for ___), then you are a nobody.
                    I may have ranted and gone off the dep end a bit here, but there is a worthwhile point.  Your successes define you.  I hope that people can recognize me as a good husband and father and that that is how they define me.  I don't want who I am to be defined as a good sailor or a good inspector and nothing else.  Don't get me wrong, I would appreciate those definitions, but the definition I strive for is great husband and father.  How are you defined?  How do you want to be defined?  Do they match?  If not, why not?  What can you do to make it happen?
                   That's all for today.  Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

My America, How I love her.

          As this is the last post of the week due to the holiday, I felt that I should write on what this country means to me.  Although I believe that John Wayne did it better (look up his "America, Why I love her), I will try my best to put my feelings on her into words we can all agree with (or at least not get angry over).
         America, to me, is a country that means freedom.  This, by itself, is not enough to make her great or enamor me to her.  No, America draws me home for so many more reasons.  While its lands are vast and its sights awe inspiring, it is her way of life that keeps bringing me back.  Oh, we have our problems, but, then, who doesn't?  We pride ourselves in our freedoms.  Freedoms that few countries truly have.  Freedom to say what we will about our government and debate its merits or pitfalls openly and without fear.  Freedom to worship or not as we see fit.  Freedom to choose how we spend our lives.
          America has been called the land of opportunity, and rightly so.  This doesn't mean it is given to you and you are guaranteed success, only that you have the freedom to chase your dream as hard as you want.  If you decide it is to hard and you don't want to pursue it it is your choice, no one can, or is allowed to, make that decision for you.  Yet, you also have the freedom to go where you wish within this nation to chase your dreams.  So many come here, not because life is easier, but because it is freer.
          America is not perfect, no land where humans lives ever will be, but it is a place you can call home.  The American dream is to own our own chunk of land.  A parcel we can call our own and use as we will.  We are granted the ability to not just vote, but to write to and speak with those we vote for.  We are allowed to see our government in operation and the freedom to at least read what it does.  While we may not agree on what has been done or will be done, we have the freedom to debate it.
          Why do I love America?  She is the mother of freedom and the guiding light of democracy.  Though that light may dim at times and freedoms may falter, the light always returns to shine brighter and the freedoms return to stand stronger.  When endangered she rises up and stands together, her light shining brighter than the sun and bringing even those who are unhappy with her to her call.  She leads where others dare not tread and stands where others would fall.
            America is a nation of passion. We share what we are passionate about freely, without fear.  We are granted the ability to follow our beliefs where and how we will.  We are allowed to share those beliefs freely and invite others in.  Thank God for that freedom.
           In closing, I believe I can sum this up by simply saying that America is a land where we get to be who we choose to be, how we choose to be, when we choose to be, and where we choose to be.  It is all a matter of personal choice, a choice we are free to make.  God bless America.   Have a great Independence Day!
          Thanks for reading and, as always, thanks for reading.

The art of being right.

           Let me begin by apologizing for not posting last week.  I got shifted to swing shift on short notice Monday and was not up to posting.  This means I need to catch you up on what happened last week.  It began with the Septic guys showing up to finish the job.  Some time the preceding Friday, the inspector showed up and okayed it.  Tuesday and Wednesday were spent removing the rocks, trash, and clumps of old grass from the dirt in preparation for seeding.  Thursday, we actually seeded the lawn.  Now we just have to wait for it to grow.  Luckily we have spare seed if we need it.
           The fun didn't really start until Friday night.  First I need to give you the lead up.  About a week or so ago, my mother in law (great woman, not a battle axe, but a wonderful woman) called and asked if it would be OK to come out in July.  She also wanted to bring out our neice with her.  We said sure, we really don't have much planned for July.  So Friday night we get a call and she says, would Monday be OK.  The wife says sure.  If you note, it is Monday, most definitely not July, and, yes, she is arriving this morning, 15 year old Niece in tow.  I should point out here that she is welcome and we are glad to have her.  I have no problem with her visiting on short notice.  The problem I had was with my wife.  We have discussed it and we have since come to a reasonable solution (I am wrong, she is right and that is that, at least that was how it ended). 
               You see, about 4 weeks ago, I volunteered to help out at my church's fireworks stand.  We discussed what times would be best and settled on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon as that was what worked around our schedules.  She also had a dinner with friends scheduled for Saturday evening.  The problem came when I reminded her of our prior commitments for this weekend as she started trying to plan things to do with her mom that the conflict arose.  Apparantly, she was against the times I scheduled from the beginning and I chose those times on my own.  Thus, it is my fault that she can't plan a great weekend with her mom.  Apparantly, I should have known that she was against me working those days even when she agreed to them and scheduled my time volunteering for during the week.  Thankfully we got it worked out that I was wrong so we can move on.
           Quick note, men, if you end an argument with your wife and you were right, you may want to check back and make sure you actually have a bed to sleep in.  I'm not saying women are vindictive and always right because that would get me in trouble.  I am just warning you that if your wife ever tells you you are right, you had better make sure that you are in fact right and that whatever it is you are right about is not something that will come back to haunt you.  Just saying.
           Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

The games we play (and lose)

                Apparently I am luckier than I thought.  What brings this up?  I beat my wife at Catan again yesterday (sorry dear, but I have to share).  It wasn't the first time, in fact, my wife claims it has been ages since she won.  Looking at how we play, the strategies we use, and all the nuances that go into it, we can't find any fault in how she played.  In fact, we both agree that she couldn't have chosen a better lay out or done anything different.  This means that it has to be down to how the dice rolls come up.  In other words, I win because the dice roll in my favor more often.  I can't control it, yet here I am with my wife upset at me because she I beat her again.  Oh, and we can no longer play Catan one on one.
              This brings to mind a few other things.  You see, I grew up in a home that loved playing games.  One of my earliest memories of my mother was sitting with her playing a board game.  When I was able to add and multiply, my dad taught me cribbage (I lost for years before I finally beat him).  As I grew up the games left the random chance heavy realm and went towards strategy.  I still haven't beaten my dad at Monopoly. 
               This was highlighted when I went home for my grandmother's funeral.  For the first time in almost 10 years, all my siblings and I sat down with my dad and played hearts.  By the time my dad arrived, us kids had already played 2 warm up games to shake off any rust that may have accumulated and we thought we were ready to take on the old man.  We were wrong.  At the end of the game the it was obvious us kids were playing for second best.  The scores?  My younger brother lost with a score of 108, my older sister got 96, I got 89, and my younger sister got 78.  Dad?  He won with a score of 6.  No, I didn't mistype it.  That is supposed to be a single digit.  Dad didn't just win, he schooled us.  What made it worse was the fact that he said very little in regards to the game.  Most of what we talked about with him was just catching up chit chat.  He didn't talk about how badly he was beating us.  He didn't tell us we couldn't make him take anything.  He just quietly sat there and gave us kids every heart he could.  Yup, I am glad I don't play poker with my dad.
             How about you?  Is there a family game that your mom or dad have always won?  A game that is a must when you are together?  Or maybe there is another tradition that, while not an official competition, has been elevated to the level of professional sports (I have seen a father and son compete at camping, it wasn't pretty, the winner had to sleep on the side of a mountain for a week in subzero temps).  These competitions can be healthy if done right (the camping thing, maybe not so much).  They are opportunities to connect with family and regain the awe you once had of your parents or to show them just how much you've grown.  Engage with your parents in the old games you used to play and have a bit of conversation at the same time.
           Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Why are weekends so full?

           This weekend was an interesting mix of events.  First of all, we were blessed by a visit from my brother-in-law, Joe.  The downside is that we didn't get to dedicate a day to hang out with him since we had so much other stuff already planned.  But I am getting ahead of myself.  Friday afternoon, we had a septic expert come out and lay out what exactly would be required to repair our septic system.  The upside is that it is going to cost about half of what we thought.  The downside is, that we will most likely have to change the listing for our house from a three bedroom to a two bedroom which could cost us significantly.
            Saturday started off well with my bible study in the morning.  Joe joined me and we had a good discussion on Luke Chapter 12.  It was a good time in all.  Immediately after that we went next door to help my boys build pinewood derby cars.  The bodies were cut and mostly painted by noon which was the end of the event.  That was a good thing as I had to go to work at 1:30.  We got home, ate lunch, and then spent what little time I had left before work discussing the problem with my disc drives on my Computer.  I never did fully find out what my family did while I was at work, but I will assume they had a good time.  Sunday morning we had church.  Then we had about an hour to get back to the church to finish the boys' cars.  Then at 4:30 I had another meeting at church.  We finally were able to sit down and enjoy each other's company for about 3 hours until we had to go to bed.
          Overall, it was a great weekend that went well.  I now have to go to the pier so, I will sign off for the day.  Thanks for reading and, as always, thanks for reading.

Prioritize your priorities

           Have you ever sat down and sorted out your priorities?  I mean really sat down and thought about it.  I have and it became clear to me that I had my higher priorities set (God, wife, and then kids), but had simply thrown the rest into a stack called other.  That led me to wonder how I showed those priorities and where the rest of them fit in.  Which was more important, my friends or my job?  What would I do if I had to choose between them?  It takes some soul searching to really put your finger on it.
           Will we really have to make a choice between them?  Probably not, but it is an exercise that helped me to figure out my priorities (friends ended up first in that battle).  The thing is, when you know your priorities and live by them, it puts things in a new perspective.  For instance, I decided long ago, that my family was more important than any job I could ever have.  This meant they had first dibs on my time.  I did what I had to at work, but I immediately went home when the day ended.  This meant that I got passed over for promotion as I was seen as not dedicated enough to spend every waking moment at work.  I did make a few other decisions that affected it, but no one wants to help someone advance who goes home as soon as the boss says, "you're on your time now."  My family came first.  Sure, I could give them a little more money paycheck to paycheck if I got advanced, but the reality, to me, is that my time with them is more important than a little extra cash.  How could I justify working an extra 20 hours a week for an extra night out in a restaurant a month?  That's what it came down to. 
              Whether you want to admit it or not, we all look at everything through the filters of our priorities.  If your priority is making money, you will look at every thing you do and place a monetary value to it.  If it doesn't add money to your pocket and it conflicts with something that does, you will choose the one that makes you money.  This is in contrast to someone who's priority is their family that is faced with the same decision where the non money making event is family time and the other is overtime at work, the family guy will choose family.  This doesn't mean the family guy never does overtime, he just prioritizes differently.  When the family guy works overtime, it is with a specific goal in mind that is usually family centric (a vacation, Christmas gifts, etc).
              If you understand your priorities and why you appreciate them so much, it will help you in your future decisions.  The downside is that you can talk yourself into a lot of things that are contrary to your priorities if you aren't careful.  For instance, you could talk yourself into spending a large sum of money on a new car on the premise that your family deserves it when in reality a used one would work fine, save you money and not stress your checkbook.  When you look at your priorities you have to look at them from all sides.  I know I have primarily written this on the money side, but that is just because it is the easiest side to see and use.  You also have to consider the emotional, spiritual, and moral side of things.  Which is more important, working overtime for an expensive vacation or spending that time with the family and then taking a less expensive vacation?  That isn't just a question of money, it is a question of connecting with your family.  One week a year is not enough time to fully connect with your family.  It is a year round thing, at least for me it is. 
          What is your priority?  Is making money more important than helping your child with a science fair project?  Is having a night out more important than holding your spouse when they are upset?  Is washing your car more important than playing a game with your children?  We live our priorities everyday and what you choose is an indicator of that.  Don't just say that it is your priority, live it.
         Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Learning about Later.

           Ever wonder what goes through the heads of your kids?  Ever sit back and ask yourself what just happened?  Have you had those situations where you aren't exactly sure how you ended up in your current situation?  If not, then we all envy you or you just haven't figured out how to tell the truth.  Either way, you need help.
          To answer the first, you have to understand that kids haven't learned that there is such a thing as later.  Later to them means ask again as soon as we turn our back.  Later means never if we don't keep asking.  It doesn't mean, well, later.  The importance of that fact is that kids don't worry about later when an "opportunity" presents itself.  If it looks fun, interesting, or different, then the answer is always go for it.  Why?  Because there is no later to worry about.  Thus, thinking is not required.  One of our jobs as parents is to each our kids that later exists.  In this day and age, that job is a lot harder.  Instant searches, emails, text messaging, Skype, the Internet, and 24 hour news all feed the now attitude.  Why wait, get it now.
          This leads to the second question, what just happened?  This isn't due to inattention so much as distraction and the ability of kids to do amazingly complex and stupid things at astounding speeds.  Take yesterday for example.  My 10 year old was doing his homework in his room and my 4 year old was next to him playing with a Nerf gun.  The gun in question was one of the mid range models that has a magazine and takes a decent amount of strength to cock.  I saw him playing with it and thought, "there is no way this can end badly."  Mistake #1.  I then went back to cooking supper.  Mistake #2.  Two seconds later, I hear my 4 year old yell and start crying.  I run to the room and my 10 year old informs me that, not only did my 4 year old manage to cock the gun, he managed to hold it back long enough to open the de-jamming hatch and get his finger caught in it as the cocking mechanism slid forward.  After a couple minutes of crying, we got him calmed down.  He then made sure all of his brothers saw his owie and told them how much it hurt.  Then a minute later, he full on tackles his older brother.
           Which leads to question #3, How did we end up in this situation?  There really is no satisfactory answer to that question.  Think about it.  Are you really ready to admit that it was through a series of stupid decisions and miscalculations?  That is usually how you end up in those situations.  I could go into detail on a personal situation, but I think that you can figure that out for yourself.  Besides, I really don't want to relive that series of events.  Let's just say, getting home was interesting as was the intense headache that followed.
         The great thing about all this is it teaches us things.  At least for the immediate future.  I am sure my 4 year old won't be putting his finger in the clearing hatch on a Nerf gun for at least the next few days.  That doesn't mean he learned about later, just that he learned that putting your finger in that location hurts.  I think later is about perspective.  It takes years to learn the difference between a 10 minute later and a 10 week later.  We can tell our kids all about consequences and results, but unless they learn the concept of later, consequences don't mean a thing.  I try and teach my boys later every chance I get.  "Dad, can we have dessert?"  "Later."  Dad, can we go to (friends) house?"  "Later."  "Dad, can we watch a movie?"  "Later."  I really do love that word.  It is vague and yet conveys a conciseness necessary for the training of children.  At some point I will make sure I share the secret of that word, but I have a few years for that.  I guess I'll write more later.
          Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

What makes a great weekend.

           What a great weekend!  The weather was awesome (we actually had two days of sunlight in a row).  The time with the family was great and it was the Easter celebration.  In all it was wonderful.  let me break down how it went.
            I got home from duty Saturday morning and was able to enjoy a bath.  We got the boys to clean house (the wife and I did dishes and other chores while they worked) and were able to relax after lunch.  I then had softball practice at 2:30 (which turned out to be 3:00) and that became a scrimmage.  It was a great time.  Then we got home and went out for date night.  That makes any day great.  Anytime I get to spend 4 hours alone with my wife without worrying about my boys is a great time.
           Sunday morning came around I I got to work.  I was the coordinator for cooking the brunch for those serving during the morning services (about 200 people).  I was in charge of getting the food and making sure it got cooked and served.  I had a great group of people working for me and it went great.  We had a ton of food left over and everyone got fed.  I was happy with how it went.  I was also worn out when it was over.  the boys then invited a few friends over and we did an Easter egg hunt at our place and had a good time there.  Over all it was a great day.
           Then today happened.  So far, I woke up late and was about 30 minutes late to work and I have 2 appointments today.  The first is for my eyes (I need new glasses) and the second is for my Shoulder ( I need a new one of those as well, but I think I will end up with Motrin instead).  Either way it should be interesting. 
            Over all, I have to say this weekend was the best I've had in a while.  Not to many arguments and in all it was a good time.
             Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Weekends, not so restfull when you fill them.

             This weekend is going to be busy.  It looks like I may have overtime and have to work.  Hopefully, the civilians will volunteer and I can spend the weekend with friends and family. I also have some planning to do as I am heading up the church's brunch for those who serve for the Easter services.  This means I have to plan and coordinate enough to feed about 200 people.  I will have 10 people helping me to cook and serve, I just have to figure out how best to use them and what, exactly, we will be serving.  It sounds harder than it is, I hope.  I have a few ideas and hopefully I can get them into action.  I really need to get to the church and figure out what the kitchen has for us to use and what I need to get provided, I do that Tuesday.  Overall, it should be a fun time.
            As for the rest of this weekend, we are having friends over Friday, going to Friends Sunday, and in between I have a bible study, we need to go grocery shopping, and I need to spend some quality time with the boys.  I fully expect to be exhausted each night when I go to bed.
           Then I get to start the next week with calling for estimates for my septic system.  I still haven't got any and the darn thing needs replaced.  I have so much to do, that the list just keeps growing (I talked about the list a few posts ago.)  Sometime this month I need to get the camper out of storage and get it ready for camping season and the list grows some more.
          Amazing how time off doesn't equal rest and relaxation.  Maybe later, like August when we go on vacation.  Then again, I will be driving and trying to keep kids entertained, so maybe not.  I guess I can get my restful day some time later.
          Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Short note of return.

             For those of you out of the loop, I did not post last week due to being out of town to attend my Grandmother's funeral.  It was the first time in about 10 years that my entire family was together at the same time.  Sad that it took the passing of my Grandmother for it to occur, but she would have been proud.  We celebrated her life and were able to share our fond memories of her.  At the same time we were able to catch up with each other and enjoy each other's company.  We also reminded ourselves why we stopped playing hearts with dad (he wins to easily).
           The sad thing is that it took me 4 hours to get caught up enough at work to post this blog.  I still have some other things to do, but I was able to take a long enough break to post this.  Once I am fully caught up, I will start making longer posts, but it may take me a couple of days.
           Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

To my son on his birthday.

           Today is special.  It just happens to be my second son's birthday.  So this post is for him.  He is my rough and tumble boy.  The one that has determined that he is in charge.  He is the first to jump in when dad decides to wrestle with his boys and the last to leave.  He is outgoing and brave.  He has his quirks as well (He is my son after all).  He finds ways to push boundaries and will find new ways to make me ask the question, "what were you thinking?"  He is also intelligent (although he denies it).  He has a knack for figuring out loop holes and exploiting them.  He is eager to learn new things (although he gets bored with them once he figures them out).  He loves to use his hands to do stuff and tries to be interested in what his dad is interested in (although in his words dad's stuff is boring).
          David is one of those boys that can make you wonder what went wrong and then prove that nothing did.  He will surprise you even if you know what is coming.  He is proof that kids will do or say the darnedest things.  He has no volume control because he must be heard.  He can also be the most stubborn of kids (but that is what my family does best).
         David takes care of his brothers and teaches them what he can.  He takes interest in his younger brothers and tries to make them smile.  He is also willing to sacrifice them to dad on occasion (when tickling or other such things are involved). 
         In all, David is David.  I know that isn't very definitive, but then again how do you define the indefinable.  He is still young and has a lot of years ahead of him so I know he will change and grow, but I know that he will grow into a man I can be proud of because I am already proud of where he is now.  Happy Birthday, David and have a great day.

Vacation planning: changes are expected.

           This weekend was a pretty good one all things considered.  I finished sewing the knee pads around midnight Friday only to have only one kid wear them at the games.  Speaking of the games, despite the slow start (we came in fourth the first game) we ended up placing first.  Then my two oldest boys and their team also got first.  We ended up just relaxing the rest of the day.  Sunday went well as well.  We even remembered to shift our clocks Saturday night before we went to bed.
            Now for the fun side.  As some of you know, we are in the middle of planning our summer vacation.  For the past week or so, we had planned on going to Yosemite National Park.  Last night my wife turns to me and says, "I think Yosemite is a little close and is somewhere we can go after you retire."  In other words, she wants to go further away.  And now I am trying to plan a trip to the Grand Canyon.  There is nothing like scrapping every bit of planning you have done for a week on the whim of your wife.  That's OK, I only have 3 days to figure it out before the reservations open for the camp sites.  We'll see where we go from here. 
             Not much else is going on so I think I will do some research and restart my planning.
             Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Short and full of complaints.

            It has been a heck of a week.  Since my last post, I have barely had time to check my email let alone write a coherent post.  Overall it has been an interesting week.  My oldest son had his first science fair.  I think he did all right.  I was unable to attend due to work, but I heard he did OK.  I am looking forward to talking to him about it, but I haven't been able to see him since it happened due to other events.
             That being said, I find that things are happening that are driving me nuts right now.  I have to work overtime this weekend which means that I will be unable to attend church yet again this weekend.  i should be able to go to the afternoon practice for the AWANA games, but I am unsure.  I work the graveyard shift so hopefully I can wake up enough to go to the practice.  I will have Monday off (mainly because I will be sleeping during the day) because of it, but that really isn't saying much.  I have to set up a doctors appointment for my shoulder.  I think I re injured it doing push ups.  Hopefully this time the doctor will be able to figure out what is wrong.
            I guess I have complained enough.  I really don't know where else to go with tonight's post so I think I will just end it.  Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Busy weekend

           With the weekend coming up, I realize I have so much to do that I can't get it all done.  I have to go shopping to get the stuff my son needs for his science fair project, I then have to do the third run of the project with him, then I have to help him design and put together his backboard, basically, I have to help my son complete his science fair project in one day because I am on swings and can't help him through the week and his mother refuses to help.  On top of all that, I still need to spend time with the rest of the family.  Oh, and I have duty Sunday so Saturday is the only day we can do this.  This is why I don't like swing shift.  I get no time with my family and when I do get some time with them it is filled with stuff that should have been done through the week but couldn't be done because I wasn't there.  At least I go back to days in another week.
            I really don't have much else to say so I think I will keep this one short.  Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Relations: they're all relative.

           Another Wednesday.  So much is happening that I just can't seem to keep up.  I recently sent a letter home to my church asking for forgiveness for how I lived while I was a member of the congregation.  They should receive the letter in the next couple of days.  As a part of this, I asked my family members for forgiveness as well.  I even emailed a copy of the letter to my sister.  That is when things got interesting.  I received an email from my brother in law.  He was reaching out to me.  The funny thing is, I never really thought about it.  I owe him an apology for ignoring him.  I really didn't mean to, every talk we have had has been an awesome experience and I thoroughly enjoyed them.  It just never crossed my mind to call my sister to talk to her husband.  Why it didn't, I'll never know.  I think that it will be the start of a great relationship.  Now comes the fun part of figuring out each other's schedules (we are 2000 miles apart) so that we don't interrupt each other at work.  I look forward to it.
            I find myself wondering where to go next with this.  I find that the research I was planning on doing for the upcoming elections is going slowly (read as, I haven't started yet).  Every time I tell myself I am going to start, I end up staring at the computer trying to figure out what to do next.  Oh, well.  Anyway, I really haven't got much to say. 
            The pretty much sums up things today.  Thanks for reading and, as always, thanks for reading.

Bad Days: reality or perception

           This morning was interesting.  My alarm went off at the usual time and I hit the snooze, as usual.  I woke up on my own an hour later and had to rush to get to work.  I was late and still have no clue what happened.  At least this is so out of the ordinary for me (I am usually the first one in) that all my boss said was, "it happens."  Hopefully, the rest of today goes better.
           I find so many things hinge on how the day starts.  I think it is more a matter of perception than reality.  I find that if I start a day off badly, like today, I tend to be more attuned to the downside of events than otherwise.  The funny thing is, when I have a day that starts of great, I start watching for the bad stuff to bring me down.  Makes me wonder, is this true for everyone, or just me?  I try to be proactive and approach every day and event as an individual thing, expecting the best out of it.  The problem is, in the back of my mind, I hear this little voice that reminds me how the day started and how it should go.  I guess it is just another thing to work on.
            I really don't have much going on.  I started working out again yesterday in preparation for my upcoming physical fitness assessment (it is still over 10 weeks away) since I have 15 pounds to lose.  My wife and I have been working out together and are working on ways of gently reminding each other that it is time to exercise.  I really don't like working out.  I know it is necessary and something I need to do, I just don't like it.
          That's about all I have for today.  Thank you for reading and, as always, have a great day.

My Mom: A different kind of rolemodel

           On my way to work, the news pointed out that it was Friday the 13th.  I hadn't noticed, but then again, I am oblivious a lot.  I just don't see it as any worse than any other day.  In fact, my third son was born on the 13th and I classify that as a pretty darn good day.  Have I had bad Friday the 13ths?  Of course, but I have also had bad Monday the 1sts, Tuesday the 10ths, etc.  So why does Friday the 13th get such a bad rap?  I'll let you look up the history because I really don't want to spend the next few days summarizing it, besides, I am sure the History Channel will have something on it today.  What about you, do you consider Friday the 13th a bad day, or just another Friday?
             Yesterday, I sent a homage out to my dad.  It was what I felt at the time and it hasn't changed.  I feel the need to include my mother though.  You see, she was a role model to me in a different way.  My mom was a registered nurse before she had her first child.  When she became a mother she decided to become a housewife.  For those of you who think that a woman debases herself by becoming a housewife, I wish you could have met her.  By devoting herself to raising her kids and supporting her husband, she taught me that making money is not the only or necessarily best way to support a family.  Being there is even more important.  By shaping your child's life on a day to day basis, you have a hand in making sure that they become a productive and respected part of society.  The idea that men make women slaves by keeping them in the home is ludicrous.  Women who stay at home and raise their kids are showing love of the highest degree.  Think about it.  Love, by definition, is self sacrifice.  This means you put those you love above yourself.  By choosing to place you kids over your own desires, you have shown them what love truly is and I can't think of anything better to teach your kids.
               I say this, not to deride those that chose a career over staying at home, but to point out that the choice to give up a career to raise children is not debasing, but elevating.  My mother continually proved that.  I can't think of a single person mother interacted with that didn't respect her.  The neat thing is, she treated everyone with an equal respect. 
               You don't realize just how much of an influence someone has until they are gone.  You see, my mother died when I was 13.  It was hard on all of us.  But I want to tell you of something that happened 3 years or so before that.  My mom died of abdominal cancer.  She fought it for about three years.  Before that, she had a very active role in our church.  She taught the Shepperd's class, the class for the handicapped, and they loved her.  You could walk by the classroom during Sunday school and hear the joy in their voices.  If you looked in from the back during the lesson, they would listen attentively to her every word, just as she listened to theirs.  She knew each of their names, what made them special, and so much more about each of them.  She was more than a teacher to them, she was their friend.  When she got sick, she had to give up teaching since she was usually weak from the Chemo.  Every week at church, we had her students come up and ask about her and when she would return.  This went on for the entire time she was sick.  A lot of those special students lived in a community for them ten miles from the church and the church sent a van to pick them up every Sunday.  When mom died, we asked if they wanted to come and instead of the usual single 15 passenger van, we had to send 2 on 2 trips.  It seems, that there were quite a few who had come intermittently while mom was teaching and didn't return when she was unable to continue.  They filled three full pews and cried almost as hard as we did.
           Mom's funeral is one of the few times I ever remember our church being filled to overflowing.  You never realize how many people someone touches until they are gone.  The most amazing thing to me happened while I was home on leave a couple of years ago.  I was having a conversation with my brother in law and we were having a frank discussion about our wives.  He told me, "your mom must have been a remarkable woman to have raised such a great wife as my wife.  I can see her strength in your sister and really wish I could have met her."  This blew me away.  Nearly twenty years after her passing, and she is still influencing people and making them want to meet her.  I can only hope that I have half the influence and respect that she did.  Who do I want to see most when I get to heaven?  My mom is at the top of that list.  I hope that the line to meet Jesus is really long so I have that much more time to spend with my mom and introduce her to everyone she has touched. 
              Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.