Fourteen years ago today I got to say I do to the most wonderful woman in the world. I keep telling here she's stuck with me for at least the next hundred or so, after that we'll talk about whether or not we got it right. I love you dear and am looking for to the next...however many years we have (I don't see an end to this thing we got). Happy anniversary.
I was going to make this a long post on how wonderful my wife is, but, for some reason, I get the feeling it is going to go in a different direction. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and could fill pages with her praise, but I hope that any husband could do the same for his wife and, although she turns a lovely shade of red, my wife tends to get slightly upset with me when I embarrass her by publicly praising her. I don’t understand it, but, then again, I am not her. That being said, allow me to get to the meat and potatoes of this post.
As I was reflecting on what to write for today one theme kept creeping into my head, how did we keep it going for this long and what makes me confident that it will continue? Let me begin my answer by saying that God must be at the center of it all. But that is just the start. First off, you have to be committed. This means that before the words “I do” pass from your mouth; you absolutely must take the word divorce off the table. Humans are lazy and will always take the easiest path available. If you make divorce an option, you will use it. Marriage is hard work and can be very difficult. Let’s face it, you put two people into a life together, there will be conflict. Conflict is hard, especially when you care about the person you are in conflict with. Divorce is easier than maintaining a marriage and when you make it an option, you eventually stop trying to maintain the marriage and start looking for the lawyer to protect your stuff. So the first thing you need for a successful marriage is commitment.
The second thing you need is humility. What do I mean? Simply this, you are not always right. Let me say that again, you are not always right. For a marriage to work, you have to put the other person first. This means that the only argument you should have that is in any way unending should be over who gets to apologize for the last fight. You will fight. It is inevitable. It is what we humans do. What makes a marriage work is the ability to say, “I was wrong.” The humility to let the idea that you are right go (regardless of whether you are or not) for the betterment of your relationship is the key. We have an infinite ability to hurt each other and we use it all too often. A strong marriage is one that recognizes these tendencies and jumps on them before they happen and is just as quick to apologize and admit the error.
Since it appears that I am rambling, I will add one more ingredient and call it a day. The final ingredient is love. Why did it take so long to get to love? Simply put, it is something that I shouldn’t have to mention. It is, after all, the reason you got married in the first place. But let’s dig into this. Let’s first get rid of the idea that love is about that gut feeling you got in high school with your first girlfriend/boyfriend. Love is an action, not an adjective or noun. It is actively placing the person you love before yourself. It is pursuing that persons goals, dreams, needs, and desires with your every fiber. It means that you don’t hesitate when that person needs you, that it is second nature that you are second to him/her. It means that no matter what, you are going to do what is right for him/her as quickly as you can regardless of what it does to you. The idea that you would die for the one you love is not far off from this. Love is self sacrifice at all times. Love is actively searching for the best and aiding the worst. Love is lifting the fallen and supporting the lifted. Sometimes love requires that we let those we love suffer so they can grow. Take your children, for example, you have to discipline them when they err so that they learn. This hurts them, but it has to happen for their good. We do it out of love. Love is an action and it must be used actively.
There you have it, my thoughts on what makes a successful marriage. Love, Humility, Commitment, and above all else, God. I am sure I could think of more, but I think I will leave it at that.
Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.
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