Marriage: 14 years and going, I did it and so can you.

                Fourteen years ago today I got to say I do to the most wonderful woman in the world.  I keep telling here she's stuck with me for at least the next hundred or so, after that we'll talk about whether or not we got it right.  I love you dear and am looking for to the next...however many years we have (I don't see an end to this thing we got).  Happy anniversary.

                I was going to make this a long post on how wonderful my wife is, but, for some reason, I get the feeling it is going to go in a different direction.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and could fill pages with her praise, but I hope that any husband could do the same for his wife and, although she turns a lovely shade of red, my wife tends to get slightly upset with me when I embarrass her by publicly praising her.  I don’t understand it, but, then again, I am not her.  That being said, allow me to get to the meat and potatoes of this post.

                As I was reflecting on what to write for today one theme kept creeping into my head, how did we keep it going for this long and what makes me confident that it will continue?  Let me begin my answer by saying that God must be at the center of it all.  But that is just the start.  First off, you have to be committed.  This means that before the words “I do” pass from your mouth; you absolutely must take the word divorce off the table.  Humans are lazy and will always take the easiest path available.   If you make divorce an option, you will use it.  Marriage is hard work and can be very difficult.  Let’s face it, you put two people into a life together, there will be conflict.  Conflict is hard, especially when you care about the person you are in conflict with.  Divorce is easier than maintaining a marriage and when you make it an option, you eventually stop trying to maintain the marriage and start looking for the lawyer to protect your stuff.  So the first thing you need for a successful marriage is commitment.

                The second thing you need is humility.  What do I mean?  Simply this, you are not always right.  Let me say that again, you are not always right.  For a marriage to work, you have to put the other person first.  This means that the only argument you should have that is in any way unending should be over who gets to apologize for the last fight.  You will fight.  It is inevitable.  It is what we humans do.  What makes a marriage work is the ability to say, “I was wrong.”  The humility to let the idea that you are right go (regardless of whether you are or not) for the betterment of your relationship is the key.  We have an infinite ability to hurt each other and we use it all too often.  A strong marriage is one that recognizes these tendencies and jumps on them before they happen and is just as quick to apologize and admit the error.

                Since it appears that I am rambling, I will add one more ingredient and call it a day.  The final ingredient is love.  Why did it take so long to get to love?  Simply put, it is something that I shouldn’t have to mention.  It is, after all, the reason you got married in the first place.  But let’s dig into this.  Let’s first get rid of the idea that love is about that gut feeling you got in high school with your first girlfriend/boyfriend.  Love is an action, not an adjective or noun.  It is actively placing the person you love before yourself.  It is pursuing that persons goals, dreams, needs, and desires with your every fiber.  It means that you don’t hesitate when that person needs you, that it is second nature that you are second to him/her.  It means that no matter what, you are going to do what is right for him/her as quickly as you can regardless of what it does to you.  The idea that you would die for the one you love is not far off from this.  Love is self sacrifice at all times.  Love is actively searching for the best and aiding the worst.  Love is lifting the fallen and supporting the lifted.  Sometimes love requires that we let those we love suffer so they can grow.  Take your children, for example, you have to discipline them when they err so that they learn.  This hurts them, but it has to happen for their good.  We do it out of love.  Love is an action and it must be used actively.

                There you have it, my thoughts on what makes a successful marriage.  Love, Humility, Commitment, and above all else, God.  I am sure I could think of more, but I think I will leave it at that.

                Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Defining success in a round about way.

                  I know I eluded to a well written article that would incorporate facts and figures and be neat and concise.  I know that is what I promised.  This obviously isn't it.  I am still gathering data and looking into the post I eluded to, but it may take longer than expected.  It isn't that there isn't a wealth of data, in fact, quite the opposite, there is almost to much.  But that is not the point of this post.
                  As I sat here doing research and surfing the internet (more of the latter than the former I am embarrassed to admit), my mind started wandering as it tends to do and I got to thinking about human successes and how they are achieved.  I realized that worthwhile successes either come about through sheer luck (miracles if you lean that way) or hard work and perseverance.  We have no control over the sheer luck aspect and, let's face it, if you are waiting for sheer luck to bring you success, then you will be waiting a while.  In fact, I would wager that, usually, when sheer luck strikes, the success has been worked toward and was accomplished through the sheer luck.  What do I mean?  Simply put, while experimenting (the hard work) an inventor discovers something unrelated to what he was working on (the success).
                   So what am I getting at, you ask.  Simply this, in order to succeed, you have to go against your human nature.  Human nature is to find the easy way out.  Human nature says, I want the reward, but don't make me ask for it.  You have to go outside of what it is you want to do and go further.  Think on it.  Was there anything that you wanted, worked for and got?  Wasn't that thing more cherished and celebrated than the thing you were given for free? 
                  I admit, I am lazy and really don't want to go outside of myself.  I don't like doing extra work and tend to wait until the last minute to do many things.  The fact is, that my biggest achievements and the things I remember the most, are those things that I went after and clung to tenaciously to achieve.  Those things that I was able to concentrate on and do to the best of my ability and hold up as what I could do.  It was those successes that I like to look on.  The stuff I got lucky with, I really don't remember (that may also be because I don't get lucky to often).
                 Ask yourself this, am I waiting on luck, or chasing success?  The first does nothing, the second gets you there.  The funny thing is, when you chase success, you may not end up where you thought you were headed.  The great thing about that is that the new place may be better than where you thought you wanted to go. 
                    I am not talking about monetary success alone.  Whatever it is you want success at requires effort.  If you want a long and successful marriage, you have to work at it.  You can't just sit back and let it happen, you'll end up with a roommate instead of a spouse.  If you want your kids to grow up right and happy, you have to work at it.  You have to discipline them, teach them, and spend time with them.  If you sit on the couch and ignore them, they become the kids you complain about at the store.  You get the picture.  If you are living life under the assumption that you deserve something because of who you are for no effort, then you need to reevaluate your life.  People who believe that have a name, spoiled brats.  If you define yourself by the success of others (Do you know who my daddy is?;  I work for ___), then you are a nobody.
                    I may have ranted and gone off the dep end a bit here, but there is a worthwhile point.  Your successes define you.  I hope that people can recognize me as a good husband and father and that that is how they define me.  I don't want who I am to be defined as a good sailor or a good inspector and nothing else.  Don't get me wrong, I would appreciate those definitions, but the definition I strive for is great husband and father.  How are you defined?  How do you want to be defined?  Do they match?  If not, why not?  What can you do to make it happen?
                   That's all for today.  Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

An Apology, a solution, and a loving wife.

          After rereading yesterday's post, I realize that I owe a huge apology to my wife.  I allowed anger to cloud my judgement on what I posted and it was wrong.  The way I posted it makes it sound as though my wife is evil, coniving and self centered.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  The disagreement we had was based solely on mutual misunderstanding and was solved to both of our satisfaction.  We have since made up and have moved on (at least until my wife reads yesterdays post and I have to apologize all over again, which I will do when I get home).  I made a mistake and will deal with it when I get home.  It should also be noted here, that as of this post, my wife has not read yesterday's post and thus may not know of what was written.  Thus this apology is not prompted by arguements or otherwise.  I am sorry, dear, I will speak to you on this when I get home.
           I was going to add on to this post a seperate commentary on an unrelated matter, but realized it would muddy the waters and possibly dilute the first part.  So I will end today's post with this.  Men, just because you feel wronged (even if you weren't) is no erason to air it publicly.  In a loving relationship, who is right has no bearing on the outcome.  Solutions are the goal of every conversation (and argument) between you and your wife.  It doesn't matter who was right (and, by proxy, who was wrong) only that you solve your problems and move forward.  To dwell on the mistakes of others is to live with the results and mess of those mistakes rather than to correct them.  The longer you point fingers, the longer it takes to find a solution and move on.  I could keep spouting cliches, but you get the picture.  I didn't until last night.  Thank you to my lovely wife for pointing me in the right direction (again). 
             Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

The art of being right.

           Let me begin by apologizing for not posting last week.  I got shifted to swing shift on short notice Monday and was not up to posting.  This means I need to catch you up on what happened last week.  It began with the Septic guys showing up to finish the job.  Some time the preceding Friday, the inspector showed up and okayed it.  Tuesday and Wednesday were spent removing the rocks, trash, and clumps of old grass from the dirt in preparation for seeding.  Thursday, we actually seeded the lawn.  Now we just have to wait for it to grow.  Luckily we have spare seed if we need it.
           The fun didn't really start until Friday night.  First I need to give you the lead up.  About a week or so ago, my mother in law (great woman, not a battle axe, but a wonderful woman) called and asked if it would be OK to come out in July.  She also wanted to bring out our neice with her.  We said sure, we really don't have much planned for July.  So Friday night we get a call and she says, would Monday be OK.  The wife says sure.  If you note, it is Monday, most definitely not July, and, yes, she is arriving this morning, 15 year old Niece in tow.  I should point out here that she is welcome and we are glad to have her.  I have no problem with her visiting on short notice.  The problem I had was with my wife.  We have discussed it and we have since come to a reasonable solution (I am wrong, she is right and that is that, at least that was how it ended). 
               You see, about 4 weeks ago, I volunteered to help out at my church's fireworks stand.  We discussed what times would be best and settled on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon as that was what worked around our schedules.  She also had a dinner with friends scheduled for Saturday evening.  The problem came when I reminded her of our prior commitments for this weekend as she started trying to plan things to do with her mom that the conflict arose.  Apparantly, she was against the times I scheduled from the beginning and I chose those times on my own.  Thus, it is my fault that she can't plan a great weekend with her mom.  Apparantly, I should have known that she was against me working those days even when she agreed to them and scheduled my time volunteering for during the week.  Thankfully we got it worked out that I was wrong so we can move on.
           Quick note, men, if you end an argument with your wife and you were right, you may want to check back and make sure you actually have a bed to sleep in.  I'm not saying women are vindictive and always right because that would get me in trouble.  I am just warning you that if your wife ever tells you you are right, you had better make sure that you are in fact right and that whatever it is you are right about is not something that will come back to haunt you.  Just saying.
           Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

What makes a great weekend.

           What a great weekend!  The weather was awesome (we actually had two days of sunlight in a row).  The time with the family was great and it was the Easter celebration.  In all it was wonderful.  let me break down how it went.
            I got home from duty Saturday morning and was able to enjoy a bath.  We got the boys to clean house (the wife and I did dishes and other chores while they worked) and were able to relax after lunch.  I then had softball practice at 2:30 (which turned out to be 3:00) and that became a scrimmage.  It was a great time.  Then we got home and went out for date night.  That makes any day great.  Anytime I get to spend 4 hours alone with my wife without worrying about my boys is a great time.
           Sunday morning came around I I got to work.  I was the coordinator for cooking the brunch for those serving during the morning services (about 200 people).  I was in charge of getting the food and making sure it got cooked and served.  I had a great group of people working for me and it went great.  We had a ton of food left over and everyone got fed.  I was happy with how it went.  I was also worn out when it was over.  the boys then invited a few friends over and we did an Easter egg hunt at our place and had a good time there.  Over all it was a great day.
           Then today happened.  So far, I woke up late and was about 30 minutes late to work and I have 2 appointments today.  The first is for my eyes (I need new glasses) and the second is for my Shoulder ( I need a new one of those as well, but I think I will end up with Motrin instead).  Either way it should be interesting. 
            Over all, I have to say this weekend was the best I've had in a while.  Not to many arguments and in all it was a good time.
             Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Vacation planning: changes are expected.

           This weekend was a pretty good one all things considered.  I finished sewing the knee pads around midnight Friday only to have only one kid wear them at the games.  Speaking of the games, despite the slow start (we came in fourth the first game) we ended up placing first.  Then my two oldest boys and their team also got first.  We ended up just relaxing the rest of the day.  Sunday went well as well.  We even remembered to shift our clocks Saturday night before we went to bed.
            Now for the fun side.  As some of you know, we are in the middle of planning our summer vacation.  For the past week or so, we had planned on going to Yosemite National Park.  Last night my wife turns to me and says, "I think Yosemite is a little close and is somewhere we can go after you retire."  In other words, she wants to go further away.  And now I am trying to plan a trip to the Grand Canyon.  There is nothing like scrapping every bit of planning you have done for a week on the whim of your wife.  That's OK, I only have 3 days to figure it out before the reservations open for the camp sites.  We'll see where we go from here. 
             Not much else is going on so I think I will do some research and restart my planning.
             Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Valentines Day: what's the big deal?

           Please note that the previous post was not meant to be serious in any way.  The writer of it was slightly off his rocker at the time and only just remembered what day you will be reading it on.  What follows is the actual intend post for said special day.

          Happy Valentines day!  Yes, that would be an exclamation point at the end of that.  Yes, I am, in fact, a guy.  No, I am not gay.  Valentines day is one of those days that is set aside for what telling those you love that you do, in fact, love them.  Why there needs to be a special day for that I'll never understand since I tend to do that every chance I get.  Apparently, there are people out there that need to be reminded at least once a year to be nice to their girl.  This post isn't for them.  No, this post is for those of us who use this day as an excuse to get out and treat our special someone to something special.  Something that would normally land us in the doghouse for spending to much on something "unnecessary".  Something we can only do because it is Valentines day.  Things like, taking her out to a fancy (aka expensive) restaurant.  Buying her jewelry.  Getting her flowers and mushy cards. 
           Oh, and don't forget the chocolate, never forget the chocolate.  That is what women love about valentines day (at least that I've observed).  It's the one day out of the year where a woman doesn't feel obligated to complain that her significant other is trying to make her fat by getting her chocolate.  Don't get me wrong, they'll eat it any other time of the year, they just have to accuse you of trying to make them fat while they are eating it.  Not valentines day, though.  Nope, they get to eat it, smile at you, and tell you how much they love you at the same time.  It's like a law or something. 
           The downside for us guys is that we are also obligated to do something mushy and decidedly unmanly.  We have to be romantic.  That's right ladies, you have one day a year (minimum, some guys are overachievers and should be shot) where we go all out and try to be romantic.  One day where we will watch a chick flick without to much complaining.  One day where we will and try to listen and figure things out.  As I mentioned there are some of us who are overachievers, but I don't like bragging. 
          Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Valentines Day is upon us.  I guess I can't help it.  I got to end this with a little love for my wife.  You saw it coming.  You know you did.  I love her and I don't care who knows.  I really don't have time or space to go into detail, but the list of reasons is long and tedious to the uninitiated.  After 16 Valentines days together (I am counting the ones before the wedding by the way), there really isn't much else to say.  Love you dear, always.
         Thanks for reading and, as always, have a great day.

Happy New Year: resolutions for a new me.

          Welcome back.  This is the first post of the new year and I just want to start out the year right.  It was a great holiday season.  I got to spend a lot of time with my family and we had a good time.  Took the entire family roller skating.  They all had a blast.  The 4 year old enjoyed himself as well, which was great.  Christmas went well as did the New Year, so there is that. 
            I know this is a day late by some estimates, but I just wanted to make sure I got it all worked out before I got on here.  First day back to work and all that.  I was kep t busy with office emails and package reviews, but today looks like it may be a bit slower. 
            Now for the question I know you want the answer to (then again, maybe it is just my ego speaking), what are my new year's resolutions?  Resolutions are made based on things you need to improve and the only way to find those things is to reflect on the past year.  I chose resolutions I could accomplish, but required a change in me to complete.  Resolutions that not only meant something to me, but to others as well.  That is also why I chose to share them.  If you have a goal and fail to share it, you remove accountability.  Share your resolutions with those they affect, that way they can help you keep them.  You also need to communicate with the people who will help you with your resolutions what you mean by them and how you plan to accomplish them.  If you say you want to lose weight (not a comment on any of you, just an easy target), then you need to explain how you plan on doing it, otherwise, you may find the help you get is advice you have already recieved a dozen times and advice you hate.  Anyway, you need to take the time ot make your resolutions, write them down, and follow through.  Now on to my resolutions.
            The first is to actually be more involved in the family.  This sounds like something that should be easy, but as I looked back I realized that I would get home, turn on the TV, and tune out the family.  I want to be a bigger part of their lives.  With that in mind, the resolution means that TV will be a family event, vice a me event as much as possible.  I will still have a few shows that are mine, but I am going to stop surfing to "see what's on" until after I have been able to spend time with the boys.  They deserve it.
           The second resolution is simply to stick to my work out and diet regime.  I need to do this to make sure I pass my last physical fitness assessment (PFA), the Navy's way of weeding out the fat people.  I should be able to pass it as long as I work out and diet.  The last PFA was nearly a failure as my work outs were inconsitant at best and my diet was erradic.  This cycle, I am determined to do my best.  I will still make dinners as much as possible, but I will just start limiting my portions.
             The final resolution I made is to be more involved in my church.  Since we have decided to stay out here, we decided that this was definitely our church.  I already do a lot with the church, but I need to find more ways to be involved.  This will mean a shuffling of priorities, but I think it is something I need to do.
            So what about you, what resolutions did you make?  Or did you decide it wasn't worth it since you can't keep them anyway? 

Working at home 16 hours a week is actually pretty good.

           Cast party tonight went great.  We had a great time and were able to honor those who thought they were able to hide behind the scenes.  OK, maybe they weren't hiding so much as serving where they were most able.  Either way, they finally received the recognition they deserved.  We couldn't have done it without them.  As Trey said, you don't realize just how many people beyond the actors are required to pull off a successful show.  We actors sometimes forget that or find a way to overlook them in our arrogance.  It is humbling to realize just how much work those behind the scenes put into the show.  Thanks again.
          Now that I've gone all sentimental, I think it is time for me to move on to something that bugged me a bit.  Today on the way to work there was an news story about stay at home dads.  It would have been a half way decent piece if they hadn't ended it with statistics designed to make men look lazy and useless.  The quote was that men on the average are doing a mere 16 hours of house work a week at home.  They then went on to say that these stay at home dads finally understood what a stay at home mom did.  Let's straighten something out here.  I understand exactly what goes into a mothers day and it is busy.  I have seen it and understand it.  But if you want to throw out numbers here you go.  Add to that 16 hours, 40 hours of work to make sure you can afford to stay at home.  Add an average of 10 hours commuting to that work.  Now add an average of 7 hours doing work not associated to house work.  By the way there are 164 hours in a week.  The average stay at home mom spends 40 hours a week sleeping.  Add another 10 hours a week watching their chosen TV show.  Add another 10 hours a week updating their face book and another 10 hours socializing at play dates.  The point isn't to make women fell bad, or men to feel more arrogant (heaven knows we don't need that), the point is to acknowledge that sometimes spouting random numbers generates more dissent and hurt than otherwise. 
             The fact is that with men doing an average of 16 hours a week of house work, we are actually keeping up with our partners and helping out quite a lot.  The idea that when we are apart our partner is doing nothing is ludicrous.  That is what these stats would have you believe.  That if your husband isn't at home doing house work, he is playing; or that if your wife is a stay at home mom, as soon as you leave the house, she sits down in front of the TV and does nothing.  I try to follow a basic rule (note I didn't say I always succeed, I am not perfect), as long as my wife is working , so am I.  The exception is when I work back shift, then I get to sleep for the first few hours of the day and help the rest before I go to work.
           That's my 2 cents.  Thanks for reading and, as always, have a nice day.

The Christmas Letter (or How to torture yourself once a year)

           Who knew that writing a Christmas letter could be so....you fill in the blank because I am sure it is all of that and more.  As you may have guessed, it falls on me to write the families annual Christmas letter while my wife gets to "edit" it.  I put the edit on quotes, not because she does nothing, but because she doesn't read it so much to find grammatical and spelling errors (that's what word is for) as she does to weed out the portions and phrases she either doesn't agree with or she considers to much information.  Granted, she is usually right.  If you follow my blog at all, you have probably noticed I tend to be long winded and repetitive.  I tried fixing it once, but it just wasn't me. 
          The point here is that I write the letter, she cuts it up, I rewrite it, she approves it and we send it out.  The problem is, she can't wait until I am done to edit it.  As I am typing a sentence (by the way, I tend to think as I type and may end up writing a single sentence 6 or 7 times before I consider it acceptable), I will suddenly hear her voice come from behind me telling me that the sentence I just wrote doesn't make a lot of sense.  I love her dearly and am thankful for her input, I just wish sometimes she would wait until after I am actually ready for her to read it. 
            She has gotten better about it.  She actually asks me if I am ready for her to read it most of the time.  She just forgets every once in a while and then I hear her dancing in the background with a comment she wants to make.  She just bounces from one foot to the other sighing until I ask her what is wrong then mumble the standard nothing.  We eventually sort it out and the letter is better for it.
            Maybe I am ranting a bit much here.  I most definitely will be in the doghouse when I get home, but the truth is, without her input, the annual Christmas letter would be a short book detailing not only the events of the last year, but the emotions, and backgrounds for each event.  Oh, and I would probably forget to mention how the family is doing, so there is that. 
            The Christmas letter is always better for her input, but writing it is a day or two of torture that we endure together (and sometimes because of each other) to keep our families informed.  Currently, this years letter is at one and a half pages and I have yet to mention any event specific to a single family member, let alone how they are doing.  That is just one of the tasks I have before me this night.  Actually, it is pretty much the only set task I have before me tonight and I still have 5 hours to do it in.  I have a feeling I will be cutting a lot out of this years letter.  Better to cut things out than to have to add more.  If you want one of our Christmas letters this year (and you didn't get one last year) or you have changed your address since the last card, leave your email in the comments so I can contact you to get your address.
           Well, that is the post for tonight.  Thank you all for reading and have a nice day.

Thanksgiving Week: Thank God for my Wife!

           Yes, it is Thanksgiving week and I am continuing the theme. I know I said I wouldn't, but I can't help it.  I have to say just how thankful I am for my wife.  She told me she read my blog and then she informed me that it was definitely me.  I have been married long enough to realize that responding, "who else would it have been?" would have been a bad idea and so I let the opportunity pass.  The strange thing is, I know she would have just chuckled, OK, maybe not chuckled, more likely she would have given me that smirk she has; either way she would have laughed it off to a certain degree.  She gets me (most of the time) which is a good thing.  Even when no one else does, she is there to lean over and whisper in my ear, "say you're sorry and try something different."  The other phrase she gets good at is, "I don't think I am the only one that didn't get it."  She is usually right.  The really sad part of that is that usually I didn't get it either.  It's pretty bad when your wife gets something you didn't and you are the one that said it.  It has happened to me (not that I admit it).
              She not only gets me, she understands what I mean when I say, "I am normal, for me."  It takes someone really talented (or really insane) to put up with me for so long.  She is definitely the anchor that keeps me from drifting into the reef with the stranger tides.  Take the time I told her I could relate to jack sparrow and understood where he was coming from, she simply said, "I know."
            There are times that I wonder why she doesn't laugh at one of my jokes, then I realize she smiled even though I had used that joke at least a hundred times before.  You may think I am kidding, but I have literally used some of my jokes that much.  I forget that they aren't original and use them.  It isn't until my wife rolls her eyes and sighs that I realize what I have done.  At least she doesn't get mad.
             She is also the kind of lady that won't let go of something she is right about until I admit it.  I can be stubborn too, but when she gets that look in her eye, I tend to surrender and she is usually right.  Usually it is about money.  Usually because I want to spend it and she doesn't.  I guess that is why we can afford to have what we have.  I love her for it and am so thankful she is in my life.  I am really good at convincing  myself that a want is a need that I can be real stubborn about it.  Thankfully she is patient with me and can usually convince me how wrong I am.  the wonderful thing is, she knows just how often to let me have that want.  Often enough to keep my hopes up and keep me happy, but not so often that I break the bank. 
              She is also a wonderful mother.  I think that she knows more about our boys than I do.  Which is fine since she is with them more than I am (as much as I would like that to be different).  I couldn't do it without her.
              I could go on and on, but I can already feel her face turning red.  It does turn a lovely shade of red when she is embarrassed (so does my shoulder if I embarrass her to much, but that is besides the point).  I couldn't live without her and that is all that there really is to say.  I am so thankful for her.  So thank you dear.
              Have a great day.  Only one more post for this week so see you then.

Happy Hump Day: The Joys of Parenthood?

     Let me begin by letting everyone know that I passed the PFA.  If you want more details, you have to comment.  Now on to the meat of today's post.
     Happy Hump Day!  Today we are talking about the joys of parenthood.  OK, who am I kidding.  No matter how much we love our kids, or enjoy raising them, there is no such thing as "the joys of parenthood."  Think about it.  Make a list of all the activities you loved to do before you had kids.  Now, start crossing off any items that you can't afford to do because of kids.  Your list should be cut in half at this point.  If it isn't, then either you were a really lame couple, or you were a really cheap date.  Now cross off anything that you can't do with your kids either because it's illegal for them to do, or you would be a bad parent if you let them (skydiving comes to mind, but that probably went away in the first round).  You should now be down to just a few activities.  Now, scratch off anything that takes more than 2 hours.  This is about the time you end up with after you figure out how long it will take you to get to your date location and back to the baby sitters so you don't go over that 3 hour time limit.  If you are taking the kids on this event you are also limited to two hours because anything over that and you are no longer at the event, you are the event as you chase your kid in what ever direction(s) (s)he decides to go.
      OK, so what you did as singles, is no longer possible with kids.  That doesn't mean there is no joy, does it?  I mean, you just change what activities you do.  You go to age appropriate things now.  All this means is that where ever you go, you end up watching the kids have fun in a sterile environment, talking to other adults without looking at them (this is mainly because you are all trying to pick out your child from the crowd to make sure they don't kill another kid), while being bored out of your mind.  Oh, and the conversations all go something like the following:
    "So, yeah, we found that...Bobby, you put that down!...anyway, we found that things are a bit cheaper at Walmart, but....No Bobby, you leave her alone....we prefer Target."
    "I so understand....Suzy, you let go of her hair!  I don't care who had it first.."
   "Bobby, stop that, get over here and sit down.  Go on, you were saying,"
   "Yes, I really don't like Walmart either."
     Not really what I would call quality conversation.  It doesn't matter what you start talking about, you always end up discussing where things are cheaper, what place gives better deals, or which museum is more kid appropriate.  When you do manage to have an adult discussion, you inevitably get the kid pulling on your leg and repeating, "daddy," in an ever louder voice until you scream, "WHAT?" at the poor kid.  To which the inevitable reply is a "can I have, (you fill in the item)."  And by the way, when you scream that at your poor kid, (s)he inevitably cries and that single lady that is "cares so much" for kids and has never had any starts giving you the look that says you are a bad parent.
     The only "joy of parenthood" that I can see is when the rug rats are sleeping.  Yeah, they're cute when they do that.  Or, when they discover a new ability, like walking, I suppose that is pretty neat.  Or how about, when they discover they can't do something by trying, like blowing on their own belly.  I guess that's pretty funny.  Or maybe when they snuggle up to you and tell you they love you.  I suppose I might call that a joy. 
       Maybe it is a bit of a trade off.  Sure, I can't go out with my friends every weekend.  Maybe the wife and I don't get to go on long dates to fun and interesting new places.  We just appreciate the quiet times together all the more.  Maybe we don't go to the science museum and get to read all the exhibits and spend hours watching educational films, but watching the kids eyes light up when they get to figure out how a windmill works by blowing on it, is maybe just a little bit better.  Yes, you have to find new ways to stretch the dollar, but now that every dollar counts, you find that you have a bit more to spend on what matters.  Maybe you don't eat out every night, but you learned how to make awesome homemade mac & cheese.
    Yup, parenting changes things.  From the non-parent's point of view, it is a bad deal.  From a parent's point of view, let's just say, I feel for those who don't ever want to have kids.  They are a powerful influence.  They are also a lot of fun to play with.  If a single guy goes into a toy store and buys Nerf guns, he's a little weird.  If a Dad does the same thing, he's fun.  Yup, I love being a dad.  I stand corrected, there are joys of parenthood, they are just different from (and I think better than) the joys of not having kids.
      Hope you enjoyed today's post.  Stay tuned next week for a new one.  Have a great day.

Happy birthday to my Wife.

         Today, I get the privilege of wishing a happy birthday to my wife.  Throughout the years we have had a wonderful time.  2 years of dating followed by 13 years of marriage makes for a lot of memories and interesting times.  Sure, I make jokes about some things (take yesterday's post as an example), but she takes them in stride.  If you haven't met me, I tend to be sarcastic and sometimes a bit weird in what I find funny.  Morose, may be a better term, but then again, so might sadistic.  Yes, I go overboard and point out flaws.  I don't do it to be mean, I do it because I find it funny (that whole weird sense of humor thing) and sometimes my sarcasm doesn't come across as such.  I have gotten better though, and I get to blame her for it.  That's right, she keeps me on the straight and narrow.  If I make a joke that isn't quite what I thought it was, funny, she is quick to point out that no one is laughing and why.  This usually requires that I apologize to someone while I explain the joke as I saw it.  Thus she saves me from alienating a lot of friends.  In fact, I actually say those type of jokes a lot less because she has directed my sense of humor a little more to the normal side.  Weird how that works.
         Guess what I am saying is, I love my wife and all she has done for me.  I hope her years on earth are more than mine (though not to many more, I tend to get impatient and don't know how long I could last up there without her).  Have a wonderful birthday, dear.  Oh, did I mention that she is the only woman I have met that when she says she doesn't want anything, she actually means it?  Yup, I have a winner.  Love you dear, Happy 3..ow... OK, no age, Happy Birthday.

Happy Hump Day: Yes, Dear.

          Happy Hump Day!  You'd think I'd be happier since it is my birthday.  I'm not.  At first, I was excited.  After all, it is my birthday.  Then I realized that it meant I was older.  Not something I like being reminded of (especially since I am one of the older (if not the oldest) military guy in my office).  Yup, I am now 37.  That's right, 37 years of making mistakes and learning from them.  You'd think, by now, I would have learned everything there is to know about making mistakes, but I find I keep making new ones.  I have heard from some of my more learned (I'll just use that term instead of older from now on, I think it sounds better) colleagues and friends that you keep making mistakes.  Something about no one is perfect.  Seems to me that there can only be a finite amount of mistakes one can make.  Seems logical anyway.  But then you throw in the illogical (i.e. women) and the number of mistakes grow at a rapid rate.
        Just when you think you have the rules figured out (usually just before puberty) you realize girls are interesting and the rules completely change.  No longer is it cool to dig a hole in the ground to bury your GI Joes.  No longer is that ratty game shirt worthy of wearing.  No longer is it better to have your fly open than to be seen with a girl.  Now, you have to figure out what it is women want.  In your infinite wisdom at that age (now a teen), you think you can figure it out given enough time.  By the time you realize that you'll never figure out women (and any man who claims he has is either a fool or was once one), you are either to old to be interested in them (that age right before you die), or you are married to one and the rules have changed yet again. 
          That's right, the rules you used to get her to date you, love you, and then marry you (though not always in that order) changed as soon as she said I do.  At this point every man has a decision to make.  Either you give up and roll with the punches because no matter what you do, you will anger her at least once a week and have to apologize.  You don't even have to be there.  Sometimes, you aren't even remotely responsible.  For example, I have had days where my wife was angry at me all day because in her dreams I did something to make her mad.  How the heck am I supposed to control that?!  Admittedly, she has gotten better about it, now she only gets mad when my dream self blatantly cheats on her. 
           Oh, did I mention that half of the time, they refuse to tell you why they are mad?  That's right, we have to guess.  Us guys, the ones who took three weeks to take the hint that you wanted us to ask you out.  The human beings that still haven't figured out that you want the toilet seat down, even though you've mentioned it for the last 20 years.  Yup, we have to guess.  And that just makes them madder, usually because we end up listing things they didn't know about, but mostly because we aren't telepathic and can't figure out exactly where we went wrong.  Then when they finally tell us why they were mad in the first place, you find it was either something we could do nothing about, something so minor that it wasn't worth mentioning, or sometimes (a small percentage really) something legitimate.  Then you factor in the rule that no rule is set in stone (except that one rule that is that you don't learn about until to late), and you are in trouble.  Yup, we men can't win. 
           That being said, I still have a lot to learn.  As is obvious from my post, I have said to much and now I have angered the one I love.  At least this time I don't have to guess what I did.  I just ranted on the wrong thing, exaggerated stuff she didn't find funny, and talked about women in a manner that some might say is disrespectful no matter how true.  Yup, I am in trouble.  Time to go home and take my licks and do the head bobbing yes dear.  You know the move guys.  The one where you bob your head and say, "yes, dear," in acknowledgement as the woman you love tells you just how badly you screwed up.  You hope to learn from it (I obviously didn't in this case), but you listen and hope you will at least get a good night kiss out of it. 
        Ladies, I hope the lesson you learn from this is simply that, no matter what he says or does, you have more power over him than anybody else in the world.  When you smile, you can get him to do anything.  When you frown and snap, he does it faster though.  Just saying.
        The above was written at an attempt at humor.  Only the author was harmed (hopefully) as a result of this post.  Ignore all resemblance to real life as it is strictly a coincidence.  Thank you.  Have a wonderful day and ...  what?  Yes, dear.

Weekend up date and other things

          Tuesday and all is well.  OK, sort of.  The usual stuff is going on.  Soccer practice, rehearsal, and meals.  Maybe that is why I am going insane.  I just keep going on with things that I have to do and places I have to be.  So close and yet so far.  Am I rambling, I think I am rambling.  Guess it's time to perform the weekend up date.
          Here goes nothing.  This weekend my brother in came in for a few days.  I think I mentioned that Friday.  Anyway, it was a good weekend.  The weather was nice so we were able to enjoy our sons' soccer games.  They both did well.  We were busy Saturday because of it though.  Sunday went well and we were able to enjoy ourselves further.  That is until I had to go to work at 9:30 pm.  I had to work graves Sunday night.  There was only 1 job, but I did OK.  At least I got to spend Monday at home.  I did sleep half the day though.  That is why there was no Monday post.  That and it was my anniversary.  That's right, 13 years of marriage to the most wonderful woman in the world.  Here's to, oh, let's say, a few millenia more.  The topper came when the Cowboys won on MNF.  Good day all around.
          This isn't to say that nothing bad happened this weekend, just more good than bad.  The down side of this weekend?  My phone has decided that it doesn't want to charge properly.  I have a work around so I don't need to get a new phone, it is just darn annoying.  Most people would say to just get a new phone, so let me explain why I don't want a new one.  Yes, dear, I just said I don't want a new one.  First off, I don't want to sign a new 2 year contract to get a new phone.  I retire and leave the area (probably) in about 16 months.  This means that if I go to an area that Verizon doesn't cover, then I will still have 8 months left on a contract for a phone I can't use.  Thus no new contract allowed.  Secondly, we aren't rich and thus can't afford to shell out the $200 that a new phone costs without a new contract.  Thirdly, I am limited in what phones I can have right now as I am not allowed to take a phone with a camera on it into work (my current phone doesn't have one so I am OK).  The next time I get a new phone, I want to get a nice one and that means it will probably have a camera.  If I wait until after I retire, I should be able to get the nice phone I want.  This all adds up to no new phone for me.  Sure I may have to trade batteries with my wife's phone every morning, but that isn't to much of a hassle.  I will deal with it.
          So that was the bad side of the weekend.  It probably wouldn't have been that bad, except that I went off a bit when I first found the problem and now my wife is convinced that I want to drop $400 on a new phone.  Now, every time I note that the battery on my phone is dead, I get to hear a worried lecture on how we are broke and can my new phone wait.  I think I've said, I am fine with my phone and that I'll work around it at least a dozen times now.  Hopefully this will change that.  If not, I will live with it.  That's what I get for freaking out that I didn't have a phone.  For those of you who don't know us all that well, I love my wife deeply and do not mean any of this in a negative sense.  I refer you to the opening announcement of my 13 years of wedded....OK, maybe not bliss, but definitely mostly happy times.  Hey, it's marriage and life, and thus it isn't always happy.  My marriage is about 90% happy (the remaining 10% is 5% my fault, 1% hers, and 4% confusing) and that is pretty darn good.  Especially, with 4 boys in the house.  That being said, I will probably hear about this post when I get home and my wife and I will talk about this and hug afterwards. 
          Keep your chins up, and don't let the world get you down.  Have a great day and I will post tomorrow.  Thank you

Happy Hump Day: What the heck did I just write?

    Happy Hump Day!  yes, it's that day of the week.  Doesn't seem like it should be with the shortened week, but it is.  This always seems to happen when a holiday occurs.  You forget that the first day of the week isn't Monday and thus you end up a day off the rest of the week.  It usually takes me until about mid Saturday morning for it to finally dawn on me that it was a shortened week. 
    This is especially bad when it comes to weeks like Thanksgiving week.  Being in the Navy, I tend to get the day after Thanksgiving off as well.  This means that I end up with 4 days off straight.  While I enjoy the lead up to it, I end up feeling as though I should be somewhere else on Saturday and walk around in a daze for hours until it finally sets in that I really don't have to be anywhere.  I think my wife figured this out and has used it as an excuse to either schedule things or to take me shopping.  Either way, I am able to skip the daze.  Not that I don't like shopping or doing things with my wife, it just makes for a long day.  In fact, I love doing things with my wife (I'm not just saying this because she is reading it, Hi Honey!, I really do enjoy spending time with her) and she is the one who hates shopping.  I love window shopping (and the occasional purchase is good as well). 
      This brings me to a whole other topic.  I must have the most non woman type wife in the world.  I mean that in a good way.  She hates spending money.  The height of fashion for her is the sale rack at good will and as long as you can rig it to work it is still good.  She balances me. I like to look halfway decent, can't stand it when things aren't performing or looking as well as when they were new, and love shopping.  Since we actually have a savings account with money in it, you can guess who wins more often.  The funny thing is, we both had similar backgrounds.  Growing up, our clothes were either hand me downs, thrift store purchases, or garage sale finds.  New meant we went into a store to buy it (you do have to go into a thrift store to buy it).  We wore faded jeans because that's how they came (they faded naturally, we paid $2 for them while the stores had them for $50 new).  When ripped jeans became the fashion we were excited, we were finally in style and we didn't have to pay outrageous sums of cash for new jeans, ours came "preventilated" (my dad's phrase) from the thrift store.  Shopping meant that we were going out to get stuff we needed and that was it.  I only got actual new stuff for Christmas and birthdays.  It was the same for my wife.
        So why is it that I like to spend money and my wife wants to hold on to it?  I don't know.  We both had lean times growing up, but when I had money I couldn't wait to spend it.  She on the other hand held on to it.  I really can't explain it and neither can she.  I am glad she likes to hold onto stuff, it keeps me in check and makes it so we can have nice things (at least until the kids get a hold of them). 
        Yes, I sometimes complain about my wife's thrifty tendencies.  Yes, I call her cheap every once in a while.  Yes, we argue about money regularly.  But I think that just helps me reign in my spending.  I get the feeling that she complains about my spending ways just as much.  She constantly reminds me that just because we have $50 in the account doesn't mean that we can go find a new knife for the kitchen (so I like cooking as well).  I love her for it and maybe because of it.  She carries a lot of weight around with the primary worry about money.  I am usually unconcerned about the check book until I have a stack of receipts in my wallet.  Add to that the ease of going to the store on my way home from work and, with out her, I would be up to my eyes in debt. 
        So I guess this Happy Hump day post has become a thank you to my wife.  The humor may or may not be there, but this is what came out when I let my thoughts go free (I also appear incapable of sticking with a single topic, but maybe that's just ADD).  Thank you for reading.  Have a great day.