I love these weird weeks. They give me all kinds of chances to apologize for missing posts. I was off of work yesterday because I was transitioning between shifts. For that reason, I will be making my Happy Hump Day post today.
I tend to go back to my youth for so many stories, that I find it hard to believe I grew up to be this old. turns out, I had a few adventures after I joined the military as well. They tend to highlight just how stupid guys can be in large groups and they usually don't translate well between military and civilian. While a military guy might fall off his chair laughing, I have found that most civilians give me the "What does that mean" look along with a comment along the lines of, "that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard." It usually takes me a few minutes to realize that the story I just told flopped before I start explaining. It the takes almost the entire explanation for me to realize my audience really doesn't care. At that point my mind shrugs its shoulders and figures, "you went this far, may as well finish." Thus I have a reputation for being long winded and full of useless information. Kind of like this paragraph.
The story I want to tell goes back to boot camp. About halfway through I got sick. I don't remember what it was I contracted, but whatever it was was pretty nasty. I was given medication and put SIQ (sick in quarters) for a week. This meant that I wasn't allowed to leave my bunk for a week with the exception of meals and to use the restroom. That was also the first time I had really had any medication that was stronger than penicillin (at least as far as I can remember). Once again I don't remember the name of the drug, I just remember that it had some warnings that were gross understatements.
The first was, take with water. Duh, was the first thing that came to mind when I read it. Then I opened the bottle. Those pills were the size of Vienna sausages. They were huge. You had to use water to wash them down and then they soaked up every ounce of liquid in your body. I was essentially drinking from the tap as much as I could. The second understatement kept that from happening though.
The second understatement was, "May cause drowsiness." It really should have said, "will knock you unconscious, cancel all plans." I discovered this the first time I took it. I went to lunch with my division and was eating my meal. I took my medication just before I started eating. For those of you unfamiliar with boot camp meal procedures, as soon as you sat down, a sailor would come to the table and give the following spiel and mean every word, "Shipmates, you have 15 minutes and 15 minutes only to enjoy your fine, fine Navy chow. There is no talking or lolly gagging at my table. When you are done with you meal, police your area and take you plates and garbage to the appropriate areas. You have 15 minutes and 15 minutes only to enjoy your fine, fine Navy chow. Enjoy." Please note that they said 15 minutes and you weren't allowed to start eating until they finished their spiel. After 15 minutes you had to get up, scrape you plates and leave. I had no problem with this normally as my dad had taught us kids to eat quickly. If we wanted seconds, we had to. I told you this so you would fully understand just how quickly these pills kicked in. Before the time was up, my plate started looking fuzzy and I was having trouble keeping my head upright. The guys I was with noticed and were immediately alarmed. Two of them had finished already and directed me to the garbage and kitchen to take care of my tray. We then formed up outside and headed back to the barracks. As we stumbled along, I had to concentrate on the heels of the man in front of me just to walk a semi straight line. I had no clue what was happening. I was told later that halfway to the barracks a Company Commander (drill instructor for you non Navy people) stopped us and asked what was wrong with me. I was told that I simply smiled at the CC and showed him my pill bottle. I was also told that when the drill instructor asked if I had taken one, I replied, "Yup, you want one, they make the world weave." Needless to say he quickly escorted us to our barracks. I woke up several hours later to my CC looking at me as I lay on the floor.
Her first question was, "what are you doing sleeping on my floor?" By question, I mean she yelled it and it was more of an order to stand up. I tried and failed miserably. At this point I showed her my SIQ chit and medications. She gave a humph and asked me why I chose the floor over the bed. My response? "I don't even know how I got back to the barracks, ma'am."
From that point on, I made sure that if I ever got a pill that said may cause drowsiness, I waited until I wasn't planning on going anywhere for a while before I took it. Just in case.
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